Mastering the Art of Influence: Leading With OR Without Formal Authority

In this episode, we get into social psychology and leadership literature to uncover the secrets behind the law of influence. We learn that true leadership is about positive impact, not titles, and anyone can develop this skill.

Five key strategies to enhance your influence are revealed. 

1. Embrace authenticity and empathy,
2. Build strong relationships 
3.  Become an expert 
4. Lead by example
5. Master the art of effective communication,

We remember the inspirational story of Mary Eliza Mahoney, the first certified Black woman nurse in the United States, who overcame prejudice to pave the way for others.

Social psychologist Robert Cialdini identified six principles of persuasion: reciprocity, scarcity, authority, consistency, liking, and social proof. These principles, when applied ethically, can enhance our ability to persuade others effectively and promote mutual benefit.

Remember, influence is a powerful tool that can be harnessed responsibly for positive change. So go out and make a difference!

Resources:

https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/persuasion-part-1/

Book:

Influence, New and Expanded: The Psychology of Persuasion, by Robert Cialdini, 2021. 

Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade, by Robert Cialdini, 2016.

Default to YES!  (Your Extraordinary Self)

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It's time to reimagine what's possible!

Juli Reynolds, BSN, RN is a Board Certified Nurse Coach and Aromatherapist

Transcript

0:59

Welcome back to another week of defaulting to your extraordinary self. I'm so glad you're here joining with me. I'm Julie Reynolds and today. we are going to explore the art of influence and leading, even when you're not in a formal position of power. We are going to look at that fascinating world of social psychology and we're going to talk about some things that have. We see in leadership literature. Just uncover some of the secrets behind the law of influence and how you can elevate your own influence in various spheres of life. The topic that comes up from time to time in my conversation with nurses and my coaching clients. And. Really in various of. Spheres of life. I think that we all can learn about influence, whether it be in your family. As a parent Or at work or out in the community. I believe that you have a message or a purpose or something that you are to be moving forward with. and this is an important topic. to master the art of influence or always be working towards that. So that we can do the very best that we can in. leading within our sphere of influence. Now, before we dive into practical tips, let's understand what the law of influence is all about. No. According to social psychologists and leadership experts, influence is the ability to inspire others, foster positive change and lead without relying on hierarchal authority. It's about creating a meaningful impact through your actions, words, and presence. John Maxwell and his book, the 21 irrefutable laws of leadership proposes the law of influence. He states that leadership is about influence nothing more and nothing less Maxwell believes that the true leadership Is not about titles or positions. It's about the positive impact we have on others. And he emphasizes the importance of character integrity and serving others to gain genuine influence. research has shown that influence is not solely reserved for those informal leadership positions. It's a skill that anyone can develop and leverage. so leading is not the same as being the leader, Being the leader means that you hold the highest rank either by earning it. W by good fortune. Or by navigating internal politics Leading, however means that others willingly follow you. Not because they have to, and not because they're paid to, but because they want to. I've been pondering this a lot this week. Because I'm in a place where I'd really like to move the ball forward on an initiative that I proposed at, actually I started working on this practice change years ago. And I've been able to influence the process by building relationships and doing the work, providing the evidence and serving. I have gone outside. Of my sphere of influence as well. for a proof of concept. All to end up right back in the place of pondering. Influence and how the best way to go about that is, that's what got me thinking about what is there that I need to learn? About influence, what skills do I need to develop to really be able to do my very best at making this happen? Because in this case, I think it will do a whole lot of people. A whole lot of good. If I can just Have that extra bit of influence or You could say persuasion. So I've also been looking at that as well. In fact, the hidden brain is one of my favorite podcasts and they have a two part series on the art of persuasion and influence. And it was very interesting and very thought provoking. I'll put the link to it in the show notes so that you can find it easily. Because if this is something that is really interesting to you. To you might want to check those podcast episodes out. So this is my journey. I'm taking it into my workplace. This. Instance, but this really applies to every relationship parenting work marriage. And there are some important intentions in learning that psychology, so that communicating our ideas. And what we want Does it become something that's manipulative or aggressive or passive aggressive? And without giving up what we want are those things that we think might be really good for the community or the relationship, whatever it might be. So this is my journey this week, just pondering this and studying this. And so I'm going to share it. And then to be quite honest, while I'm going to share some tips on intentionality. I still struggle with the long game that we have to play with those in leadership positions. Who don't operate by the same principles. And I may be only talking about ego here, but this is something that I've really been exploring this week. How do we. Navigate through some of those obstacles. Now, regardless, when we choose our default mode, Our extraordinary selves showing up in the world needs to look like grace and peace, authenticity to live love. Imagine and inspire not to manipulate. So let's explore five key strategies to enhance influence. First of all is authenticity. One of the most critical factors in gaining influence is authenticity. People are naturally drawn to individuals who are genuine, transparent, and true to themselves. Embracing your unique qualities and experience and being open to S to your strengths and your weaknesses. And along with that practicing empathy is crucial. So we want to seek to understand others' perspectives and demonstrate a genuine concern for their needs and listen actively. I think one of my biggest lessons learned is how much. I can learn and how much traction I can gain with moving a cause forward. What I genuinely. Learn and am genuinely interested in the questions that others are asking, because. Once you engage in a process. Once you get close to something that you want to move forward. Sometimes you don't. You don't even know what it is, what some of the obstacles could be. So learning from others and that genuine concern for their needs and to listen actively. There are only two ways to influence human behavior. You can manipulate it or you can inspire it. And of course. what we want is to inspire. People don't. Buy into what you do, they buy into why you do it. So it's very important as we're communicating what we want, that we understand why we want it. We're all drawn to leaders and organizations that are good at communicating what they believe. Their ability to make us feel like we belong or to make us feel special or safe and not alone is part of what gives them the ability to inspire us. Tip two is building we're strong relationships. Influence is built on trust and trust is nurtured through strong relationships. Investing the time to getting to know others. On a personal level. Showing appreciation, offering support and collaborating. with those around you. by creating that positive and supportive network. You enhance your ability to inspire and lead others. This is actually what I call the importance of the elevator. I noticed early on that I could sit around a conference table and we could share a lot of facts. And even stories and we could have a really productive or seemingly productive meeting. You feel like everybody around the conference table is understanding and on the same page. And then for some reason, the initiative gets tabled and maybe until the next meeting or their action steps that need to take place before you can make a decision. And what I found was we would walk out of the room. I would get on the elevator. And the conversation doesn't usually stop there. So the conversation would continue on one leader was somebody that has decision-making power might say, you know, what we really need to do is X, Y, Z. And somebody says, oh, that's a great idea. I'll do that. Okay. Let's do that. And sometimes they would say, you know, We could probably bypass that whole extra step if we just did. X Y Z. The another leader would say. Absolutely. Well, let's move forward with that. And what I would notice was that the real action and decisions actually got made on the elevator. Now I know in business and you see this. Kind of stereotypically you see decisions are made on the golf course or somewhere in a social setting. And that's really where the action happens. I learned this a lot by having dinner with leaders. Traveling it wasn't usually in the formal settings where the most action. And most decisions were actually made. And so building those strong relationships is crucial for being able to really support a cause and move forward. And this is also where we may be able to talk about vulnerability. It's difficult to be authentic and to really trust without it. I also follow Brenae brown on this and a lot, and I've had to really study this and still as a student, this is a tough one for me to grasp. In the context of professional relationships and the workplace, And in those relationships where you may feel you're not on level playing ground. So those are the places where maybe I struggled to really grasp what this looks like more than it is in a friendship. Outside of work. But then. A lot of my relationships, maybe all of them have all come out of some kind of working together. I tend to make friends with people that I work with, people, friends, that I'm working towards a common goal with. And I guess that might be a topic for another time. so going back to the workplace, it's becoming common knowledge these days. we're finally getting to where we are recognizing that diverse workplaces are more productive and creative and all around healthier. Bernay brown. says that nurturing a true. A culture of belonging rather than a culture where everyone's expected to fit in is a key part of creating an equitable, diverse, and inclusive work culture. She says that in a fitting in culture, people are held to one narrow standard rather than acknowledged for their unique guests and contribution. In a belonging culture, diverse perspectives are cultivated, valued, and prioritized. What would that do to the perceived hierarchy that we have, let's say in healthcare. So in a fitting in culture, people are held to one narrow standard rather than acknowledged for their unique gifts and contributions. In belonging, culture, diverse perspectives are cultivated, valued, and prioritized. I had to read that several times and really think about that. There are so much solution to a lot of the problems that we have, If you're not in healthcare, this might, this may very well apply as well. But I know I see this for sure. In healthcare, the perceived hierarchy puts physicians. For example, above nurses. There is an emphasis on allopathic or the medical model, sometimes even disregarding. A more holistic view. embraced by a lot of the nursing theory. Where it's not in the medical model. And therefore by many other disciplines. Even on the executive levels. I've seen that around conference tables were nurse executives in positions. And title may be equal, but they just aren't. We definitely can see this as it shows up on spreadsheets and budgets in The conversations about fiscal responsibility. I've been a nurse for 30 years and I have mastery in my specialty. I can go outside of my workplace and be respected as a professional with autonomy. in my current position, as a staff nurse, though my current position is considered quote unquote nonproductive. We don't bill for it. So we don't regard it as an asset. So, how do you think that plays out in decision-making then? I don't know that people, that we really acknowledge those things, but all of those things are important to notice if you're going to have the influence that you desire. We're going to have to build strong relationships and that's going to mean getting vulnerable and getting honest and changing the culture, nurturing a culture of true belonging as Bernie says, and that takes courage and I've learned some hard lessons in doing so. I'm I have a hard time finding that balance. I tend to assume. That I'm going to be on equal playing ground. I tend to underestimate that perceived hierarchy. And that is a challenge for me. So that's a work in process. And I think that that's also something that why building strong relationships and getting on a personal level with people that you're working with. Or those people that are in leadership and really taking an interest in them as humans, as well as leaders is crucial for us to be able to understand and have that empathy and build those strong relationships. Okay. Tip number three, expertise and knowledge. Become an expert in your field of interest, acquire knowledge and skills and expertise that makes you a valuable resource to others. That's I think a question that I asked my clients a lot. I always ask the question. What skill do you feel like you need to be a master of in this circumstance or to overcome this obstacle or to get where you're going? We don't a lot of times ask that question ahead of time. Except for maybe in a formal role, but when people recognize your expertise, they're more likely to listen to your insights, ideas. That, and that's going to amplify your influence So when I wanted to bring essential oils into healthcare and have them be a legit. Practice that it would be available to nurses. I knew that I was going to need to have a mastery in that field. And so I knew I needed to go get the education. And get certified as a clinical aroma therapist. But obviously influence is much bigger than that. what is it that they say, people don't care about what, you know, until they know how much you care. Tip number four is leading by example, of course, actions speak louder than words. And this is especially true when seeking to influence others. Demonstrate the behaviors and values that you wish to see in others. Be a role model. We went to inspire others. By living those principles. Consistently. The movie Rudy in 1983, Isn't it. Excellent example of how someone's. Determination and unwavering spirit can have a profound influence on those around them. the movie Rudy tells this true story of Daniel Rudiger. Rigor or Rudy. played by Sean Aston. Rudy dreams of playing football for Notre Dame. And despite his small stature and lack of natural talent. Rudy's passion and determination. Drive him to pursue his dream relentlessly. Throughout the film, Rudy faces numerous obstacles and setbacks, but he never gives up. And his persistence is unwavering. He has a belief in himself and his dream. And you start to see how that inspires others around him, including his friends and his family and his teammates. One of the most influential moments in the movie. Comes during Rudy's final game for Notre Dame. We've seen his ups and downs and after years of hard work and perseverance, Rudy finally gets a chance to dress for the team and then step onto the field as a player. His teammates are very aware of the sacrifices that he's made to get there. And they rally behind him and they persuade the coach to let Rudy play. And in a really heartwarming and inspiring scene, Rudy is sent onto the field to play just a few seconds of the last game of his college football career. As you take this position on the field, the crowd begins to chant his name. They're showing their support and their appreciation for his unwavering, inspiring spirit. So Rudy's influence extends far beyond his time on the field, his determination and the inspiring his teammates to give their best, even in the face of adversity. His willingness to work hard and never give up. motivates those around him to persevere as well in their own pursuits. Both on and off the football field. Rudy is a powerful Testament to the influence of an individual who leads by example and demonstrates the power of perseverance and determination. Through all of his actions, his unwavering commitment to his dream. He's able to touch the lives of those around him, showing them the value of resilience and passion and the pursuit. Of dreams, no matter how difficult that path may be. This movie has inspired audiences around the world, reminding us all that true influence comes from the heart and from the willingness to overcome obstacles. And from the belief that anything is possible with determination and hard work. I have to believe that because I feel like the initiative that I'm moving forward is like pushing a Boulder uphill. And I am determined to see it through one way or the other. it's become about more than essential oils It's become. About the voice of nursing. The nurses can have a voice and can make a difference. Okay, so going back to influence this is the skill that I need to master so that I can move the ball forward on this. cause. All right. So effective communication is tip number five. So influential individuals are. Adept communicators, hone your communication skills, both verbal and nonverbal to convey your ideas effectively. You use storytelling to inspire and engage your audience and adapt your communication style to suit different contexts. And personalities. And this. I'm not going to say is without its challenges. let me tell you another story about a nurse back at 1861 when civil war broke out between the north and the south Mary Eliza Mahoney was 16 years old. she began to hear about the important work that women were doing, serving as nurses. For those who are wounded and suffering and women whose skill and bravery were combined with compassionate care and helping to define the then emerging profession of nursing. She set her sights on becoming a nurse and an age 18. She got a job at the new England hospital for women and children. she worked as a cook as a janitor. She did laundry. And in 1872, the first school of nursing in the United States was started up at that very hospital where she was working. And it became Mahoney his goal to be admitted for a study to become a nurse. an indication of the level of prejudice and discrimination that she experienced, That school actually only would technically allow for one black student every year. And yet no black student had ever been accepted. Mahoney continued to work hard at her job and she won the trust of the nurses and the physicians. By occasionally assisting them in what would be considered nursing tasks. it wasn't until 15 years of employment at the hospital. That Mary Eliza Mahoney was admitted as the first black student in the school of nursing. It was. a demanding course of study. It lasted 16 months And the requirements We're so demanding that only four students from the class of 40. Graduated from the course as nurses. Mahoney was one of them. And she became the first professionally certified black woman To achieve this goal in the United States. Because of her persistence and her perseverance, her hard work. her success opened the way for more people, more nurses. More people of color. To study and train as nurses today, there are more than 275,000 black nurses in the United States. And I think that they're having their second conference for black nurses. Now, so progress is being made. Mary Eliza Mahoney broke the path and led the way. Now this distinction did little to prevent racial discrimination against black people in professional roles. all of her work to graduate to go through this program. Still did not earn her a position as a nurse in the hospital. that also did not stop her. she took up private duty nursing. She sought out to distinguish her role as a professional from other people employed in private homes and she maintained a rigorous and professional practice. She just took her nursing practice outside of Of the setting that wouldn't embrace her as for who she was and what she brought to the field. In 1908 Mahoney founded the national association of colored graduate nurses. The NAC G N became an important means for advocacy and representation of black nurses. And she continued to be active in this organization until her death from cancer in 1926. the NAC GN became a part. Of the American nurses association in 1949. And since 1936, the Mary Mahoney ward. To recognize significant contributions to promoting integration into the field of nursing was established and is still awarded each year. Mary Elizabeth Mahoney was inducted into the American nurses association hall of fame in 1976 and into the national women's hall of fame in 1993. Her dedication to nursing and our commitment to social change. Made her a role model for aspiring nurses. Especially African-American women who faced numerous barriers and pursuing their dreams. Bernay brown says the courage to be vulnerable is not about winning or losing. It's about the courage to show up when you can't predict or control the outcome. I think how relevant is that to. Mary Mahoney's story. I would imagine that she had many times that she thought that it was all about the struggle that she didn't feel like she was moving things forward. And she had no way of knowing that her impact would be. As significant as it was when, when she was in the moment. And I think that's how it can be for some of us. As we don't understand sometimes the impact that we can have and how significant that is. In the song, the climb by Miley Cyrus, The words. Go like this. I can almost see it, the dream I'm dreaming, but there's a voice inside my head saying you'll never reach it. Every step I'm taking. Every move I make feels lost with no direction. My faith is shaken. But I got to keep trying, got to keep My head held high. There's always going to be another mountain. I'm always going to want to make it move. Always going to be an uphill battle. Sometimes I'm going to have to lose. The whole song is really about how it's not, what is on the other side of that mountain? It's not about how fast we get there. That the struggles that we face and the chances that we take. Might knock us down. But those moments are where we learn the lessons and where we just have to get up and keep going. I'm going to say that it's really about the influence and the impact that we make along the way. So let's not get wrapped up in so much the outcome when we do try to influence or inspire. Because for those of us who want to show up as our extraordinary selves who are dedicated to personal growth. it's about the climb and we can't predict the outcome. So the courage to be vulnerable is not about winning or losing. It's about the courage to show up when you can't predict or control the outcome. I've reminded myself of that over and over again, because those tips that I shared on influence, I've made mistakes there. I have not developed the relationships in the way that I wanted to, or maybe I showed up and I didn't listen well enough. Or I assumed that everyone would feel the same way that I did. And That we would share the same goals. But that's not always true. So I've made a lot of mistakes in this area, and I'm happy to say that I continue to grow and I'm going to get tenure to show up. I'm going to continue to show up with courage and be vulnerable and know that it's not about winning or losing that it's about showing up. So all of this is how to be a person of influence. I think we have to recognize first that we are influencers If you are a nurse If you are a parent, If you are a friend. If you're an employee or an employer. you've been given influence, you've been given that responsibility. how you're going to influence. For good or not. So good is really up to you, but you are going to influence others in the community, in your family, in the workplace, in healthcare. So I wanted to start with all of this because We all need Some degree of the ability for persuasion and we need to really be intentional about it. So we aren't icky in the way we do it. So it doesn't cross over into manipulation. I started Down this road with a question. How do I persuade? And I want to briefly share a springboard to the solution. Robert kill. Daddy is a social psychologist and he's author of the book influence the psychology of persuasion. And then this book, chill, Dani explorers, various principles and techniques of influence that can be applied in everyday situations. And improve our up to approve our ability to persuade others effectively. Bob was featured on hidden brain. I mentioned that earlier, like I said, I'm gonna put a link in the show notes so that you can access it. Easily. But he identified six key principles of influence. Known as six principles of persuasion or six weapons of influence. They are reciprocity this principle suggests that people feel obliged to return favors or concessions when others have done Something for them and to leverage this principle, you can initiate a positive action or gesture towards someone, which is likely to elicit a response of reciprocity. And I think that goes back to building those strong relationships. The scarcity chill, Dani. Highlights that people tend to place higher value on things that are rare or limited in availability. Creating a sense of scarcity or urgency around an offer can make it more attractive and drive people to take action to avoid missing out. And integrity is key here because it needs to be honest. So that'll go back to being trustworthy and authentic about the scarcity. Just going back to the example of aroma therapy. At one point when I began this, it would have truly been innovative and it was innovative to even to the IRB to suggest a research project. But when I, but a couple of years later, when I proposed another research project to the IRB, They told me that it really wasn't innovative anymore because this has been done in hospital settings. Now I think that there are some, there's some innovation here still left to be. Explored, but I will say that I can't, I can no longer tell my leaders that we can be the first. And this is innovative when. Hospitals all over the country are using it now. And we would not be the first, so that message would need to change. That can't be the reason. if, when a store tells you that they only have one more, one model of something and you go back and there are 10 more on the shelf after you bought supposedly the last one. Right? Okay. So we want authenticity here. These principles that are shared in this book. I'll go back to the things that we talked about as far as being a person of influence and the characteristics that we have authority is another one. So reciprocity, scarcity, authority. People are more likely to comply with requests from authority, figures, or individuals that are perceived as experts to know your stuff. Demonstrate your knowledge, credibility, and expertise. So be intentional about how we propose things. Consistency also Chill Johnny emphasizes that people prefer to be consistent with their past behaviors and their commitments. So encouraging small initial commitments can lead to larger ones over time. As people seek to maintain consistency in their actions. So that is another. Principle of persuasion. Liking the principle of liking suggests that people are more easily influenced by those that they know like, and trust. building those relationships, showing genuine interest in others can enhance that likability and influence. And then social proof is the other principle that he shares and that highlights that people tend to look. To others for guidance, for how to behave in certain situations. It's huge to be able to say set a precedent or to show that other people have experienced a success here. Or how this, that you're proposing plays out. Providing evidence of other's behaviors and opinions can sway individuals to adopt similar actions or beliefs. And this is what, another thing that I think we can count on where we propose say a practice change. Is that we look and get that. Where else is it being done and done effectively. And how do people feel about it? these insights are based on extensive research in psychology and social behavior. And Robert GL And his work has been widely recognized as a cornerstone in the field of persuasion and influence. And by understanding and applying these principles in ethical and respectful ways by being that person of influence, being that person of character. We can enhance our ability to persuade others effectively. Whether it's in our personal relationships or our professional setting or broader societal interactions. However, it's essential to use these techniques ensuring that our intentions align with positive outcomes and mutual benefit. Now as we wrap up today's episode of about influence on the art of persuasion. Remember the influence is a skill that can be developed and nurtured by anyone. Irrespective Of any formal leadership title, embrace authenticity, cultivate empathy, build strong relationships and showcase your expertise. Be brave lead by example and master the art of effective communication. Another quote for Bernay brown. I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly. We sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can't have both. Not at the same time. No, that it's going to be difficult and Take inspiration from Mary Mahoney and Rudy's stories. recognize the impact that you can make extends far beyond your formal position. Whether it's within your family, your work or your community. You have the power to lead and influence positive change. We can apply some of these strategies introduced by Bob chill, Donnie, ensuring that our intentions align with positive outcomes and mutual benefit. Thanks for joining me on this journey. If you've enjoyed this episode, I'd love to hear your insights. So subscribe and share. So you don't miss any of these episodes. In the show notes, there's a link. You can subscribe to the list and I'll send them right to your email. Every single week, along with the easy ability to reply to me, when I say, I want to hear from you, you just hit reply and email me back. make sure you share so we can create a great big community of those who default to yes. Remember your influence has no bounds. So go out there and make a difference until next time. Imagine the possibilities stay inspired and keep leading with influence as you go out every day and default to your extraordinary self.