The Waiting Game: How Good Are You at Playing It?

We're diving deep into a topic that every one of us can relate to—the art of waiting. Whether you're eagerly waiting for that dream job, a profound relationship, or simply holding onto hope for a specific outcome, waiting is an intricate part of the human experience.

In this episode, we talk about the art of waiting and the balance we attempt to strike between hope and realism. We'll explore the science behind waiting and uncover healthy ways to navigate this challenging aspect of life.

 Neuroscientists have discovered that waiting is far from a passive process. But what happens when the waiting period is prolonged, and our hopes are repeatedly dashed? We talk about that.  

I have a practical framework to help you navigate the art of waiting. It includes cultivating patience, setting realistic expectations, and maintaining a support system. 

So, join me on this exploration of the art of waiting. It's not just about the destination; it's about the journey. 

Remember, the art of waiting is an opportunity for personal growth, and in the infinite game of life, waiting is just one chapter in your remarkable story. If you found this episode insightful, please share it with your friends and leave us a review. I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

Default to YES!  (Your Extraordinary Self)

Is there a gap between where you are and where you want to be? You're not alone. This podcast is here to help you close that gap with simple, effective tools, and expert insight to create that personalized self care plan that fits your life. The life you want starts TODAY.

It's time to reimagine what's possible!

Juli Reynolds, BSN, RN is a Board Certified Nurse Coach and Aromatherapist

Transcript

0:59

welcome back to another week of defaulting to yes, your extraordinary self. Thanks for joining me today. And this week I wanted to talk about waiting. In life throughout life. We often find ourselves in the state of waiting. We're waiting for the dream job, the perfect relationship, the proposal, the baby, the house, the health report. There are so many things whether it's, we're hoping not to get bad news or we're hoping to get good news. There are a lot of things that we wait for There are many things that we can have right away. But often the really big things that we want or don't want are things that we wait for knowing That it's possible that we could be waiting for a really long time for one, or we May not get the outcome or the results or the thing that we want. And we don't necessarily have control over the timeline or the result. We might face a loss, whether it be health or loss of a dream. We know that when we hope and when we wait that we could face heartbreak and disappointment. Regardless, the waiting game is just part of the human experience. It can be a source of both hope and frustration of joy and sorrow. It can lead to grieving or. celebration. So how do we strike the right balance between being hopeful and realistic while we wait? I read a lot of books on mindset and the work of mindset in a waiting period is really difficult. You don't want to be negative, but you your brain goes into a mode of Protecting yourself from that heartbreak, whether it's to ease the blow or to slowly let grow of the thing that you want in case you don't get it. So it doesn't hurt so bad, whatever that is, remember that our brains are designed for protecting us. So they're going to look for evidence and ways to keep us safe. That said keeping a really positive mindset and even putting out the right energy could actually. Lead to us getting more of what we want. and it keeps us also from sabotaging the process. If it's something that we do have any input on. From a scientific perspective waiting is an essential cognitive and emotional process. So neuroscientists have studied the brain's response to anticipation, and they found that the act of waiting engages areas associated with pleasure, motivation, and expectation. Our brain releases, dopamine that feel good. Neuro-transmitter as we look forward. To positive outcomes. But there's a catch as well. The healthy amount of anticipation is very motivating. Excessive waiting can lead to anxiety and stress. When the waiting period is prolonged and our hopes are repeatedly dashed our brains. Can become overwhelmed and leading to disappointment and disillusionment and even depression. that's where the balance between hope and realism becomes crucial. And I think what happens to a lot of people is when you experience a lot of that anticipation and. When you get, our hopes are dashed over and over again, your brain forms, that habit of the negative bias playing into your thought process and the mindset. Of approaching anything new or ever expecting anything to go well, so there needs to be a balance between the hope and realism for our own health and for actually getting positive outcomes. Because if we're always expecting the worst We're probably going to get a lot more of it. now with practice and self. At awareness, we can cultivate a healthy mindset that allows us to navigate life's challenges with grace and resilience. So that said, I want to celebrate you for showing up for yourself to investing in your personal growth because not everyone does it. It can be a lot of work And it doesn't go perfectly and there's can be a real battle in the mind. So don't take it for granted that just everyone does this. And this is everyone's experience. There are a lot more people not listening to personal growth podcasts and reading books and doing the work of it. Then there are, I think so. Celebrate that about yourself. if you take nothing else away from our time together today. Just really honor that and celebrate that you are doing the work and that you aspire to extraordinary. Putting that effort into it is going to mean that you experience it. Especially for topics like this one, because this is not something that would be very easy to navigate. Without being a little proactive and We need to know when we enter the space of waiting what we want it to mean, how we want to show up who we want it to become. And no matter what, being clear on our values, I watch a lot of hallmark, but you don't have to watch a whole lot to know. That if something doesn't go right for someone in a hallmark movie, when a hallmark character faces disappointment or sickness. Failed relationships, a loss they're home burns down. They lose everything. They will choose to focus on finding the good in others. They'll focus on returning to their values of love and home and family and community. They are willing to give up a lot and really. Turn automatically to their values. now. To be fair. It's not as easy to do this without a script. But knowing what we want from ourselves from this life and what we really value will get us to the outcome that we want. Even when it looks Very different than what we thought. Now, if we had writers, we could do this a little quicker and a little easier, but we don't. We are going to have to put in the work. And so I just want again, to acknowledge you for, you're obviously the kind of person who defaults to extraordinary and. And puts in the work. and become who you are created to be. No more, no less. I just believe that for you. So a couple things about balancing hope and realism, We hear it said we're familiar with patients is a virtue. that takes practice. accepting that waiting is a part of life and learning to appreciate the journey as much as the destination. To embrace the belief that good things come to those who wait. But also understand that some things may not work out as expected. One of the cards that someone sent me had that phrase on it. Good things come to those who wait. it came from a group of friends who knew how long I had worked. To experience the outcome that I was experiencing at the time. I was reaping the rewards of years of work that no one saw, but they saw it. They knew what I was doing Most overnight successes are people who've worked for decades even to get where we see them now. They just come out of nowhere and are successful and reap the rewards. But what you need to remember is that they played the waiting game. They put in the work they were patient and this is what comes out of it. And sometimes it's years of waiting. The second thing that we can take from this as far as balancing hope and being realistic is to set realistic expectations. It's essential to hope for positive outcomes and ensure that your expectations are grounded in reality. That this helps us to avoid setting ourselves up for disappointment by acknowledging that life is unpredictable and that sometimes things don't go as planned. this is planning for the messy middle. As part of. Mastering a skill. As far as any journey goes, we always are going to have it. It's always going to be exciting at first to think about. And to move forward on, and then you hit that time where things aren't maybe necessarily in your control. And you have to give that over to maybe how other people are going to respond? Or how something is just naturally going to turn out. At her sometimes even health, we don't have the control over that. And yeah, just things just don't go as planned and we've all experienced that. So setting real excellent, realistic expectations. For the journey that doesn't mean play smaller or dream less. That means just set realistic expectations for the journey that it's going to get hard. It's sometimes going to be unpredictable and things. Aren't always going to go. The way we hope they go. Again, focusing on that. What you can control. Instead of dwelling on the things that you can't control. Shifting your focus on what you can influence. So we can use the waiting period to prepare and to learn and to grow so that we're better equipped for. The desired outcome when it arrives, no matter what it is. This includes when you experienced success, it's always good to envision how you will embrace the success. I remember getting a really great opportunity. And I remember a couple of my friends saying, you need to leverage this. Make sure you think about how to leverage this opportunity. And I had no clue what they were talking about. I didn't plan past getting the opportunity. And executing it. I didn't plan for how I would leverage that opportunity to continue to grow. And that was a lesson that I learned in that time So that always being equipped for the desired outcome. And that is where we can put our energy during that waiting game. Instead of preparing ourselves for the worst, we can prepare ourselves for what we will do. If we get the desired outcome, what are we going to do with that? so cultivating patients, setting realistic expectations, Focusing on what is in our control and then maintaining a support system. Surrounding herself with a strong support system is crucial. Sharing your waiting experience with friends and loved ones can also give you that emotional support and perspective. It can keep your mindset in check. And. People around, you can stay hopeful without losing touch with reality a lot easier than we can. The people often shy away and I'm that way to shy away from sharing hopes and aspirations. For a lot of reasons. One of the primary reasons people would hesitate to share their hopes is the fear of rejection or disapproval. there is a worry that if you open up about your dreams and those dreams, aren't realized that you will be judged or face criticism from others. Another reason that I think people. Fear shy away from sharing the hopes and aspirations is because it feels really vulnerable. You're essentially exposing part of your inner self to others. When you share the things you're hoping for. And this can be really uncomfortable for many. especially, If you've ever witnessed a friend or a family member actually rooting against someone or speaking negatively about someone for thinking too big or dreaming too big. That can affect us. And you may, you start to wonder, are they going to do that with me? If I share this big. This big thing that I want this hope, this dream. Another thing that at play is when you vocalize your hopes and dreams, it can create a little bit of pressure. it can feel like now you have to live up to some expectations, which can be daunting and stressful. I've shared this with you before, when I've shared things about intermittent fasting I was wanting to reinvigorate my practice and do some more intensive or more intentional food planning. I remember sharing that with you and just feeling a little bit of now I've got to live up to some expectations. And that can be stressful. And I did have to answer to some of you who asked me how I was doing this, or followed up later and asked me how it was going, what results I was getting. And so That can feel a little bit uncomfortable, too. But if you are planning for it and you're embracing it as a way to grow. And feedback as your friend. It's it can be a good thing. we can turn that around a little bit. And there's also a concern that if you share your hopes and they aren't realized it might damage your self esteem or ego. So our brain again goes into protecting ourselves. So protecting that ego. Keeping your hopes and dreams to yourself can protect yourself from the image of potential setbacks. Now. Some people are just a little superstitious and believe that. if they talk about ideas about their hopes, they might jinx them. And there's a fear that discussing aspirations will somehow prevent them from coming true. if that's you This is something you definitely need to expose. And transform. Negative past experiences can also be a deterrent to wanting to share your hopes and aspirations with people because maybe you've shared before and someone didn't support or understand what you were wanting. And that obviously makes you not want to open up about your dreams in the future. And if that's you just need to find new people. Alright, cultural norms are another reason why people. Some people consider inappropriate or boastful to openly share about your, about hopes and aspirations. Humility and modesty may be valued over self promotion. And this plays into some imposter syndrome, too. but that feeling who do I think I am, that I should get this? Or I should. Aspire to this or or who do I think I am that I should escape this maybe health outcome. There are a lot of things at play here and they got, most of these are stories that we tell ourselves. That aren't based on truth and they need to be transformed. So while there are a lot of valid reasons For keeping certain hopes, private, it's really essential to strike that balance. It's to share our dreams and aspirations with trusted. Individuals that can support and encourage and provide accountability. The key is to choose the right people who will be supportive and understanding and using discretion in determining when and how to share your hopes. That is a process. It's a tricky process. It feels vulnerable. And it's one that I think that I'm finally figuring out. I realized a couple of years ago that I had gotten to the point. Where I wasn't sharing my dreams and hopes. And I felt like I had shared so much and of things that never came to fruition, that It was starting to feel silly. And I was starting to feel when I talked about it, I was almost self-sabotaging a little bit and I would share it like. This is what I really want. It's probably never going to happen. It's probably not realistic. And we can't do that to ourselves. So what we, where we really need to get is where we know who we want to become. We know what we're created for. We're clear about our values and our passion, and we can walk forward in that. And if we have an idea of what that looks like, or if we have something really big and close to our heart that we really want. It's okay. It's okay to want that. And then embrace the process of this waiting that we're talking about today. Simon Sinek wrote a book called the infinite game He talks a lot about leadership and businesses. And focusing on the ones who survive do so because they understand that they are playing an infinite game, a constantly evolving and never ending. higher purpose, game. So those who don't survive. We are seeing the game as a finite one. Filled with a lot of short term concerns and aimed at a win or lose ending point. The concept of an infinite mindset can be applied to. Waiting by shifting your perspective and seeking a quick resolution to embracing the process. As part of your larger journey. to embrace that. There's no expiration date on our progress. We can understand that. The journey towards our goal is ongoing. And if we allow ourselves to fully engage with the present moment without fixating on the future. We can have that healthier balanced mindset. This mindset shift can help us. Find value in the waiting period, rather than simply viewing it as a frustrating obstacle to overcome. by embracing the process, we open ourselves up to new experiences and opportunities for growth. We may discover unexpected paths that lead us towards our goals. or we may find that the waiting period provides us with the time and space we need to reflect and reevaluate our priorities. And ultimately that infinite mindset allows us to approach waiting with a sense of purpose and intention rather than simply enduring it until it's over. Because that can be very anxiety producing. if you've ever put an offer in, on a house that you searched and searched for that perfect home, the place that you could walk into and go, this is home. Then you put an offer in, and you have to wait. Then to see if you're going to get that home. And that can be very anxiety producing. And if the process keeps going and you have to wait for inspection and sometimes you're waiting for the bank and the, all of the finances to come through. There's a lot of waiting and purchasing a home. That feels very personal and you get very excited. by that time, you're envisioning yourself moving into this new home. And everything else can start to go on hold. instead of obsessing over that end goal, what if we focused on the progress and the growth that occurred during that waiting period? Even when we're facing what seems like setbacks along the way. I've had my share of getting past on jobs, relationships that don't go as I hope and failed attempts. At reaching a goal, many failed attempts at reaching a goal. When I hear somebody say you're, the whole process is failing your way to success. I feel like I am really on point then with that a wise friend who knows my waiting game reminded me this week. That is important to remember that a no can sometimes create that perfect opportunity for a better yes. To emerge in due time. And that is hard to embrace. Unless you're proactive and you have a system and you have a framework for how you're going to wait. Whenever you start to hope for something already having a plan in place already having a process. Is very helpful. As we cultivate patience and for our path to unfold, naturally, we can understand that life's journey is continuous and that there are some waiting. It's just part of the ever evolving game of life. And we adopt that mindset. We can enhance our overall wellbeing as well while we're waiting for that job or that relationship or whatever the outcome is that you're hoping for. Whether it's in the hands of others. Or it's completely depends on you. Completing a series of tasks and meeting those milestones. So our framework for healthy waiting, and you can turn this into a ritual. This is become now part of a mindset shift or a. A mindfulness exercise that I do every morning and just reminding myself. To stay present and to stay mindful about the process of waiting. the framework I'm going to share with you is. Is hopefully will help you in a way that enhances your overall wellbeing. If you're waiting for something yourself. If you're not waiting for something. Think through this process, what will you do next time that you do feel like you're in a waiting? First of all, just taking some time to embrace the journey. So the framework for healthy waiting. Embrace the journey. Balance hope and realism, practice, patience, and build this strong support system. So embrace the journey. We're going to view weighting as that integral part of life's continuous game. Embracing the process learning from it and growing as an individual. This is when we can really tune into what our values are, what we really want, what are the non-negotiables of how we show up in our life? this means I'm gonna make sure we're that living and loving and imagining and inspiring is part of my daily practice. No matter what I'm hoping for, I'm not putting those things on hold. So in some way, I'm going to take a small step forward, at least a small step forward on all of those. Those values. Now then balance hope with realism. So you're going to strive for that healthy balance by staying hopeful and remaining grounded in reality. And that means not Just marking time until you get the outcome or you get the results. You want to learn in this time and grow as an individual? Find out what those stories are that you're playing in here in the background. What is that soundtrack? Those thoughts that are playing over and over that are informing your process. This is a good time to impact those. So we're embracing the journey, balancing hope and realism. And then we're going to practice patience and develop that as a skill and acknowledge that waiting is an opportunity for personal growth and self improvement. And this is where we can build our new, our mindfulness practice. Every day or an affirmation or an intention to start your day with patients and staying present. Building that strong support system. Now, some of us struggle more with that than others and we can learn that. Lean on your friends and family for emotional support and perspective. During your waiting journey. If you don't have those people find them. This is how we stay proactive in the waiting period. This is our framework for healthy waiting. Embrace the journey. Balance hope and realism practice patients. And build a strong support system. some of you are in that place where you can be proactive because you're in the middle of waiting and maybe it's hurtful, and maybe you're grieving a loss. Or you're at a place where you didn't get the outcome and the hope and the dream feels like it was ripped away from you. I want you to know that my prayers are for you. I know that it's not easy to go through that hurt. Allow yourself, the space you could use the same framework, actually. And create a ritual around self compassion knowing. And turning to what is really is important. Those non-negotiables of life. Sorrow grieving pain loss is just as much part of life as as winning and celebrating. When I say I want to create a great big community of those who default to yes. Default to your extraordinary self. That's all part of it is to be able to hold space for others. In their pain and in their grieving, and to really enter into both celebration and grieving together. all of that beautiful. and messy parts of life. So I acknowledge you And encourage you to. take hope and continue dreaming and to believe and take hold of the extraordinary life that you were created for. Thanks again for joining me on the journey. And I hope you will share this episode and this podcast with a friend that you can listen together with this or someone that you think might need to hear this message. And as always, I'd love to hear from you. So. Let me know what you're waiting for and how this has gone for you. I'd love to hear from you. And if you'd like to share your story with the rest of the community on what it looks like for you to default to yes. Click the link below, send me a message. And we'll make that happen. So the art of waiting is a delicate balance between hope and realism. Understanding the science behind waiting, cultivating patients, setting realistic expectations and adopting that infinite mindset. Can help us navigate the waiting game with grace and enhance overall wellbeing. Remember, life is an infinite game And the waiting is just one part of the beautiful journey. Now while it's natural and to be cautious about sharing your hopes and dreams, finding the right people to invite in Can be a total game changer and give you just the support and the encouragement that you need To allow you to embrace the art of waiting as a transformative journey where a no can sometimes be the perfect step in playing the long game. Until next time. I hope that you will find, the balance between hope and realism, cultivating patience, and sharing your dreams with those who offer unwavering support and encouragement. And in the waiting, may you discover growth and in the journey. May you find your true purpose? And know that you're not alone. As you choose to play the infinite game where waiting is merely one chapter of your extraordinary life. I hope you find joy in being intentional with the opportunities with the weighting, the losing, and the winning. As you wake up every day to default to your extraordinary self.