Storytelling for Transformation: Shedding Past Narratives

Shedding the stories of the past is a journey, not a destination. By applying the SHED framework and embracing change, you create space for your extraordinary self to thrive. If you want something different in your life, it starts with shedding the old narratives and embracing new possibilities.

Stephen Richards said, “To get something different, you must do something different.”

The SHED Framework: A Path to Transformation

S - Self-Awareness:
Our transformation journey begins with self-awareness. Recognize the stories, beliefs, and habits from your past that no longer serve your growth and well-being. Understand that you are the author of your own narrative.

H - Harness Metacognition:
Metacognition, or thinking about your own thinking, is a powerful tool for change. Use it to challenge negative thought patterns and beliefs that hold you back. Understand the reasons behind your attachment to these old stories.

E - Embrace Change and Acceptance:
Embracing change can be challenging, but it's crucial for transformation. Accept the reality that the past cannot be changed. Forgive yourself for past mistakes, and release any lingering guilt or resentment.

D - Develop Empowering Thoughts:
Replace those old, limiting beliefs with empowering thoughts. Cultivate a positive mindset that aligns with your goals and values. Understand that change starts with your thoughts.

My hope for you is that you will be able to shed those things of the past, shed, those old stories, beliefs, and limitations, and that each step that you create can create space for your extraordinary self to shine. to shine. As you embrace the new and empowering chapters of your life. With openness and curiosity.

Default to YES!  (Your Extraordinary Self)

Is there a gap between where you are and where you want to be? You're not alone. This podcast is here to help you close that gap with simple, effective tools, and expert insight to create that personalized self care plan that fits your life. The life you want starts TODAY.

It's time to reimagine what's possible!

Juli Reynolds, BSN, RN is a Board Certified Nurse Coach and Aromatherapist

Transcript

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Welcome back to another episode of default to yes. I'm glad you're here. And this week, I hope that you are encouraged as you strive to default to your extraordinary self. And while it might sound easy. I know that it's not always that simple. And sometimes we struggle with things for years and can't figure out why. I. want to acknowledge that while we may know what we need to do to achieve our goals and to get the outcomes that we really want. It's not always easy to put those plans into action. We often face obstacles that hold us back and whether it's limiting beliefs negative, self-talk. Fear of failure past traumas. These challenges can be a real source of frustration and discouragement. And they've been reflecting on my own journey, particularly related to weight loss and how I struggle to conquer it. Despite knowing what to do. I understand the frustration that comes with the inconsistent actions and self doubt. In our discussion today, I want to explore the concept of shedding. This was a term that in my accountability group this morning, Was used to really describe releasing old stories or habits, beliefs. That no longer service. These are the barriers that keep us from achieving our goals or getting the outcomes that we want living up to our full potential. Whether it's in our personal lives or our careers or our self-perception letting go of these old narratives is essential for our progress. I mentioned in a prior episode, John Jeff's book soundtracks. And I really. does offer valuable insights into challenges of overthinking and how it can be linked to fear. Overthinking can steal our time, our creativity and the outcomes that we desire and a cuffs book provides a plan to transform overthinking. From a problem into a superpower, which can be empowering if you struggle with this issue. So I mentioned that book again because Was important on my journey and maybe it will be for years to. It actually was the inspiration for one of my, best attended webinars. On overthinking. It was actually an overthinking overdoing over drinking and overeating. All the things that we do. To mask or. In an effort. To overcome some of the things that we deal with. So if you find yourself wondering if your goals are realistic, or if you have the time and energy, or if you're capable of change, this episode is for you. We'll focus on releasing and shutting the fears and worries that hold us back. We'll talk about some of the barriers in general and the importance of getting comfortable with the outcomes that we desire, because it all starts with clarity about what you want to achieve. what is the outcome that you want? It all starts there and getting really clear with what you really want. Because some of the process of going after what we want or trying to accomplish things that, we want to accomplish. Is all about that journey and letting go or loosening our grip on how it turns out for us. it's not just about what we want. It's why we want it. again, we're going to explore the art of shedding and embracing our extraordinary selves in the process. The metaphor of first shedding. For growth in the context of personal development, it refers to the idea that much like animal shed, their old skin or feathers to make. A way for new ones. We have a need to let go of old habits and beliefs and limitations in order to grow and evolve. It's just the personal growth often requires letting go of familiar or comfortable. In order to embrace, change and learn new things and develop into a better version of ourselves. To be able to default to our extraordinary self. We need to make room for that growth to create space. So just a shedding is a necessary process for animals to renew themselves, shedding our old behaviors, mindsets, relationships, environments, whatever that might be for you can be essential for personal growth. And for that. The extraordinary that we are, aspiring to. I like this metaphor, because I think a lot of times we make it sound simple. We make it sound easy or less painful than it can be. And I don't think you can really think about shedding that might sound like a not pleasant metaphor you might not like that picture. But I can't imagine any kind of shedding being anything less than at least a slightly painful process. And for our purposes, it can be more comfortable just to stay in the place we are, to not continue to grow, To not expand and not to create space for the new and maybe the uncertain. There are things that we just stay in out of comfort when we should. Release them. One space that every parent. Eventually learns is when our kids grow up and they become adults and they leave the house. We go through this empty nester thing. And there is a lot of change. There's a lot of shedding of old patterns in our relationships. and our old expectations of what that relationship looks like. Our old way of relating to our kids. They're adults. Now we cannot treat them like children anymore. We have to relate to them in a new way. And to make space for this new, we have to shed some of the old things, the things that we had a voice in, and now we don't, and this really goes Throughout our journey as parents in relating to our kids. And if we don't make space for that new expansive relationship with them as adults as they grow and develop. We'll miss out on a lot. We'll miss out on their lives and who they become. And we will experience the pain of what happens when we don't shed our old expectations and the old way we relate to our kids. Every parent learns this. And it's painful. We know that it's painful but it's also very much worth it. So that's one example. I think that many of you can relate to, even if your kids are still young, when they go to school, we're always having to. To shift our expectations and Let go of patterns and let go of ways of relating and grow and evolve as parents, as they grow, and evolve as the humans that they're created to be. And again, that can be a painful process, but it's very worthwhile. And so that's one. Space. That I think is easy to apply Or on the flip side, maybe you are the adults child. You're in your, you have your. You have kids of your own and still when you're with your family, maybe it's a sibling or your parents. You still feel those expectations or those that anticipation, you still feel like that teenager? Well it's if that's the case and it's time for some shedding One example of how this plays out. In my life professionally is I often discuss the mindset of nurses and how the media portrays them as caring angels. which never seems like a bad thing unless you consider the misperception that creates. While we do care deeply. We are also professionals and historically nurses had a more subservient role. but we've Evolved into a profession that collaborates with physicians and The whole healthcare team. It's evolved into much more of a clinical role. One that comes with an expanded level. Of expectations and responsibilities And accountability. I think maybe that is a lot of the frustration. Within the nursing profession. is because we haven't shed that old story. We haven't put that to rest completely. Now that's not universal. There are some nurses and there are some areas of nursing that have. Shed that story and put that behind them. But I would say a lot of nurses, maybe majority of, at least bedside nurses are still carrying around that old, the old skins, the old stories, the old beliefs, and that old sense of subservient. That came with our history. That's just one example. it's absolutely essential for us to shed these old stories and beliefs. If we are going to grow, if we were going to experience what we really want. Now when setting goals, I always ask my coaching clients to consider potential barriers. Often these barriers come from the old stories that we carry with us. So if my client sets a goal or a state's desire, and this is the desired outcome, we celebrate that. We put a strategy in place for that. And then we consider those barriers. I always ask what might be something that's standing in your way? What would keep you from being successful? Or what out, what barriers do you think might come up for you as you pursue this outcome? And then, and in answering this, it's crucial to recognize the impact of old stories and beliefs. And shed them so that we can focus on a more empowered mindset. And achieve our goals and personal growth and to also of course, consider what is really true. Okay. So what are you working towards? What outcome are you hoping for in any area of your life? You might just want to pick one. Maybe what is an outcome that you want in your health that you haven't been able to really experience yet your personal or professional life, your family? so that's the first question. So getting clear on that and then what would keep you from being successful or what barriers could come up? What old stories are you carrying around with you or ideas are you carrying around with you about this? Maybe it's time to shed those stories. There are a lot of factors in our lives that can hold us back and it's essential to examine them and address them to facilitate that growth and to be able to shed those old things and let go of them. These things can be limiting beliefs Negative thinking like I can't do it or I don't deserve success. Can significantly hinder our progress. Negative self-talk. This is the way we talk to ourselves. because our inner dialogue is either going to empower us or undermine us. Negative self-talk can be a significant obstacle. Fear. An anxiety, the fear of failure, rejection, the fear of the unknown can paralyze us and prevent us from taking necessary risks or pursuing new opportunities. procrastination, putting things off or constantly delaying tasks can hinder our productivity. And our personal growth. What is it that's causing us to do that? Unhealthy relationships. Those toxic or unsupportive relationships with friends or family members or colleagues can be very emotionally draining and limit our potential. And those actually might be some of the more difficult ones when we are faced with that, that could keep us just the pain of shedding on a relationship that has been important to us or been significant, could be very painful. Comfort zone, staying within our comfort zone and avoiding challenges and new experiences. that feeling of being comfortable can keep us from wanting to make those changes or keep us avoiding those challenges and new experiences. Unhealthy habits, destructive habits like excessive consumption of alcohol or eating habits, lack of exercise. Those can all negatively impact our physical and mental wellbeing. They're comfortable. They're safe. They're convenient. We had this conversation at work this week about How accessible and how affordable, unhealthy food and unhealthy habits are to hold onto at least until we shed some of our beliefs about cost. And about risk and what we think about. When we factor in the long-term consequences of staying comfortable with our unhealthy habits or. With consuming, unhealthy foods. On a consistent basis. External expectations is another one. Living our lives solely based on expectations of others. Or maybe an old idea of what your life would look like rather than pursuing passions and goals that can lead to regret or an unfulfillment. This is something that I think social media highlights, those external expectations. We look around on social media and we get this picture of what we think our lives should look like and what the expectations of others. Seem to be. And we need to really look at that and shed some of those external expectations. Financial constraints are another one, ongoing financial difficulties or. Lack of financial literacy, understanding how to manage finances, to. Generate revenue or to reduce debt or the fear. I can limit our opportunities for growth. I think that is one that keeps people in jobs, for example, that they, that are barriers to their happiness or even to their health, because they can't imagine. How to, how they would go about changing that. The lack of self-confidence. That belief that the lack of belief in our own abilities can stop us from taking action and pursuing our dreams. I can keep us in those old skins because they're comfortable and we're not sure what it's going to look if we shed those and we come out of that to something new. Chronic health problems or neglecting our physical health can also reduce our energy and capacity to achieve our goals. Geographic location might be another thing living in an environment that lacks opportunities or a supportive community can also hinder personal and career goal. Is that something that needs to change? or staying in a job that doesn't align with your passions or values can hold you back from pursuing what truly fulfills you. Poor tide management. Overcommitment spreading yourself too thin taking on too many responsibilities. can also hinder your ability to focus on what truly matters. And then Any unresolved, past traumas or emotional baggage can impact the mental or emotional wellbeing holding you back from moving forward. This is not probably an exhaustive list, but it's important to examine these factors and determine which ones are the most relevant to your life. Addressing these obstacles may involve seeking support from therapists or coaches or mentors. Seeking clear goals and to get really clear about that and then taking those actions to overcome them. Again, shedding these past things that are holding us back is not an easy thing to do. And it can be painful. Self-awareness and willingness to make positive changes. Our key to personal growth and breaking free from all of those things that hold you back. I am on the journey with you. And these are big deals now. I would say, it's probably start with something simple if you want to practice this, but I'm going to give you a framework for processing how to let go. And we're going to use the acronym shed because I want to make it memorable and I want to make it as simple to remember the framework as possible as you work through this process. First of all, self-awareness. I'm going to start by developing that self-awareness pay attention to your thoughts and your beliefs and your emotions as they arise. This is where journaling comes in. Very handy. I I have shared before that I wanted to up my game on journaling because I've studied the science and I've seen what psychologists say, and I've looked at the benefits and it's not something I want to miss out on. So I bought myself a journal and I'm writing in it. And honestly, I was really struggling all week. Just contemplating something So this week, I got an email from my employer, celebrating 15 years of service. Now I about at least five years ago had decided that I was going to leave the bedside nursing. To do more full-time coaching and educating and start my own business. Teaching natural solutions and Moving away from allopathic medicine to bridge the gap between a lifestyle medicine and allopathic medicine to help people understand that there are options. And this was, this is Betty. A dream of mine. And I have been pursuing this. My intention was to be able to replace my income. And not be working for my current employer. 15 years. So when I got this email, it threw me off a little bit and I thought this is five years. I remember saying it 10 years when I got my tenure pit. I remember saying. That I would not get a 15 year pin. That was my goal in three to five years. That's really right. That's how long it, people say that it's takes to start a business. In three to five years, I will be working for myself. I will be setting my own schedule. I'll be making a living, doing what I love. I had to do some examining and when I journaled about it, the things I actually wrote were turned out to be the opportunities that I've had over the five past five years. Because of my employment and because of my, the opportunity is that I've had as a result of the things I've learned and the things I've been able to do. Because of my employment situation. And the friendships friendships that I've developed because of My current employment. it was surprising to me how easily it rolled off my pen, so where I had this thought of, oh my gosh, I have not met my goals. I haven't done it. I'm embarrassed that I even made that declaration. And then I didn't actually accomplish that goal. And I, for a lot of reasons that happened over the last couple of years, I had several really big setbacks and I'm. Maybe it's, maybe it wasn't a goal. Maybe I can't really do it. I have all these stories playing in my head about how maybe I'm not capable of maybe this isn't for me, maybe. Maybe I just need to settle. Maybe I don't need to shed this old situation. Anyway. Embracing it as something positive allows me to shift my focus to what I want and not so much on what I don't want. And I've heard those things said over and over again. I didn't realize how they were taking hold in my mindset. Being self-aware journaling is a really great tool for that. I'm saying it out loud. Is another benefit. So if you have a friend that you can impact these things, somebody who can be objective and supportive at the same time, of course. But coaching is that as well. You guys, so even just. two or three months of coaching. could really eliminate a lot of these barriers and create that awareness to set you on the path. That you want to be on. I'm going to just put it in here again, that you, as a listener, I would love to gift you a free coaching session and that's all, it would be free, no obligation. what I want is that you get to experience coaching. And that can be a very powerful experience just on its own. So I want to offer that to you. And I'm going to put the link, inviting you to book your coaching session. With me in the show notes. so if that's something that you want to do, just click the link, set it up. It's easy and again, no obligation and it's completely free. All right. So H is for harness that metacognition, we've talked about metacognition being that way to reflect on your thinking patterns. Identify those negative or limiting beliefs that might hold you back. This sounds a lot like self-awareness, but self-awareness is a start self-awareness is going to bring. That attention. And then you're going to harness metacognition to think through that. This is an extension of journaling, of course. And this is going to be getting to you to the solution side. And then evaluate, evaluate, and challenge the validity of your beliefs. This is when you ask is what I'm believing. True. Do I have evidence for what of the, for the story that I'm telling myself. Going back to my example of nurses. Do I have evidence? What does the evidence point Towards a nurse being a subservient role. Or a nurse being a Professional with autonomy, mastery and purpose over their own. Practice. All right. That might be a little trick question. there's a difference between the facts, the indisputable facts, That nobody can argue with. and the things that we think about are the facts or the situation. And this is actually where we get tripped up in a lot of these places. And when we are trying to shed our old beliefs, This is where we assign meaning to people's intentions. We assign and we give our perceptions. Or our past beliefs, a little too much credit. So that might be a tricky question, but it's a good one to think about. And to really get that, to harness that metacognition, knowing how you're thinking and then evaluate the validity of the beliefs that you have. Let's say you have something that you run a try. That's new and your heart is pulling you there. But your head is saying, I'm not really sure about this. I don't know if I'm capable. What if it's not better? There then here. if you're wanting to make a change and the only thing that's holding you back is sphere. You really need to evaluate that. Are you basing that on facts or assumptions and challenge those things with rational thinking and then develop empowering thoughts? So Self-awareness harness metacognition, evaluate and challenge, and then develop empowering thoughts. Replace those negative thoughts and beliefs with more positive and empowering ones. Cultivate that mindset that supports your goals and wellbeing. No, we're going to get really practical on how to actually do that. First of all, just finding a quiet place to sit down with a notepad and pen. And then identify your goal. Just pick one thing. You don't have to pick your whole life or you don't have to make this really complicated practice with one goal. Write it down or an outcome that you want, make sure it's specific. So we want what you want and what you want to feel more of. For example, if your goal is to lose weight, include how many pounds and within what timeframe that you'd like to accomplish that. The look back at the goal that you wrote down, do you feel like it's realistic? And the. This is the time to be honest. This is that time to really harness metacognition and look at the look for those beliefs and what is holding me back. Be honest with yourself but on afraid to push yourself. That's how we grow. That's how we shed our old stories and our old skins. So on a separate page of paper, I want, you to ask yourself the following questions, write down your thoughts. First of all, what is holding you back from getting the outcome that you want? And then what blocks might come up for you? Get it all out of your system. Are you thinking about what others are thinking? Are you assuming that you know what others are thinking? Are you afraid that you don't have what it takes to pull off what you want to create? Are you thinking that it might be too hard or you're looking at the past your past experience, whatever it is, get it all out on that paper. Now the next step is going to be tear up that second piece of paper with all of your fears, tear it up into small pieces, as small as you can. And then. And as you tear that, that paper, imagine those thoughts being erased from your mind. On a side note, this is a really good thing to do as a way to release or shed any kind of frustrations that you're experiencing during the day. Even if it's. If it's a frustration with another person or something that someone said, that's just getting under your skin, write it down on a piece of paper and rip it up into a thousand pieces. And as you're doing that, Practice that release. So that you don't ruminate. create that distinction between Ruminating and reflecting. It's one thing to, be aware and to harness that metacognition, to evaluate and challenge and then develop empowering thoughts. That's one thing. Another thing is going over and over. The details of the, what was said or what intentions you think someone else had or what the, all those stories. Ruminating on that over and over again is not going to serve you never, ever. Is it going to serve you well, All right. So when you tear up that second piece of paper with all your fears and all of the limiting beliefs in anything that you have identified. You're going to imagine those thoughts being erased. You're going to release them. So you're going to reflect. Do all of that shedding. And then you're going to release those from. Reality. Then reread your goal and that outcome that you want. Now that those things have been moved out of the way. you've put an intention on getting past all of those things that have been identified, you tore it up, you released it. How do you feel. Go through this exercise as many times as it is necessary. A lot of times, it's going to take several times and it might be beneficial to do this any time you have fears or doubts Come up for you. Write them down, tear them up, throw them away. Release. This can be done if you are somewhere, if you're on the go and you don't have a piece of paper and you don't have the time to do it, this is also part of that release meditation that I've talked about in the past. You could even just take a few deep breaths. Reflect on what it is that's got under your skin or that's causing the reaction. Take a few deep breaths and then really S. And then you can even just tell yourself release. And that's the way we can let go of some of those things and start telling ourselves the truth. Okay. One of the power tools that I love to use for this as a realm of therapy. And. I just feel like I need to share with you guys. This because it is such a power tool to be able to really set these things. Emotionally and cognitively. to enhance our thinking and the processing of our emotions and the memories. Of being able to really embrace empowering thoughts. One of the recommended oils for this Is Palo Santo. Sage is another one you can burn Sage or Palo Santo. As a wood or resin. I like the essential oils because They're accessible. Palo Santo is one that has a lot of benefits actually for discomforts and for stress management. And if it doesn't do anything like that for you, it's also an insect repellent. So you could use it. For that purpose as well. I love aroma therapy and essential oils because I can apply evidence to that practice and be very comfortable with that. Guaiac would actually comes from Paraguay and locally, the trees that it's harvested guaiac would, are known as Palo Santo. Now Palo Santo again is separate and distinct from Guayaquil though. They have some similarities. The two oils are distinct in their chemistries and in their aromas. And most importantly, they're different in their ability to be harvested sustainably and ethically. Palo Santo has a long troubled history in terms of sustainability and illegal harvesting, but Guayaquil can be sustainably sourced and because of its chemistry can be very grounding. There are other oils or really any oils that are tree oils or root oils. Can be used for this purpose. And we can use our essential oils to clear the air, clear the mind, clear the fears and replace them with positive thoughts. to shed the old and embrace the new. Other oils that you could use. Cypress is one of my very favorites. It's also grounding and supportive. It helps to release the thought that you need to be perfect. And ginger is also one that promotes mental clarity and helps you feel empowered. Lemon or any of the citrus oils that are high in a lime running are very uplifting to your spirits while calming and to your mind and body. Palo Santo. That's actually, the chemistry is very high in line money in, and that is why that is probably why that is attributed to that. Being able to clear the air of the negative and to embrace. The new, if you have a diffuser, four drops of lemon, three drops of Cypress and a drop or two of ginger are amazing. you can smell it out of the bottle. You could rub it in your hands and inhale from your hands. However you do that. And then take yourself through that exercise. It's a way to really. Affect your brain and help all of that to take hold. Whenever we involve all of our senses in an experience. they're more likely to stick. So the sensory experience along with. the way essential oils affect the brain and neuropathways. Make a Roma therapy my power tool on how to really enhance this exercise so that maybe you don't have to repeat it as often on the same topic We've probably all heard the saying That life begins just outside of the comfort zone. I'm not against being comfortable ever, but If you want more. If you want something different Then we need to push ourselves outside of the comfort zone. Stephen Richard said to get something different, you must do something different. and that can be uncomfortable and it can require some shedding. It's trying something new and failing. It's going to dinner by yourself. It's doing the things a little differently. because if you want. Something different. You have to do something different. Okay. Now we've focused mostly on the mindset of making some of these changes of being able to shut our past stories. And I realized that we're, haven't talked about real practical tips on how to adjust for shedding an old environment or an unhealthy relationship, or some of those comfort zones that you're hanging on to I think mindset is everything. I know you are creative and smart and intuitive, and I know that you can take yourself through this exercise Find out first. What's your thinking? What are the stories behind? That lack of self-confidence or behind the physical health issues, because there's a lot of truth that can also be very freeing. And enable us to embrace the new. We have to be willing though, to let go of the past. We have to be able to let go of some things that aren't serving us. Because Our brain, our amazing, fascinating miraculous brain. Is going to want to keep us safe. Our brain likes that old skin. It doesn't want to shed. Shedding is uncomfortable. Shedding brings change and mystery. Shedding is uncertain. Or. Is it what do you really want? Are you wanting to make an impact in your workplace? Are you wanting to Uplevel your skills? Are you wanting a job that you love? Are you wanting to lose the weight that you're carrying around? Are you wanting to feel better and live longer? Are you wanting to have more friends? Are you wanting to be more active in your community? Whatever it is. that you want, that you're not experiencing. There might be some shedding that you need to address so that you can. create space for expansion to expand into that extraordinary self That you are created for.. So go out there and do some shedding. You guys. Take your extraordinary self out there. And do something different. It's time to release the weight of the past shedding old stories, beliefs, and limitations. Knowing that when you step into your power, you can also boldly step into the future. Unburdened and ready to thrive. Thank you for tuning in today. And I would love to hear your experience with our shed framework. And doing the shed exercise. that instead of suppressing or obsessing over analyzing. You are releasing that fear and worry or whatever is holding you back. the more comfortable you become with your goal, the more likely you are to reach it. Let's remove the barriers, remove those things that are no longer serving. Let's shed through self-awareness harnessing metacognition, evaluating and challenging and developing, empowering thoughts. This shed framework provides that structured approach To the process of letting go and helping you shed the thoughts and beliefs. People in places that no longer serve you. Paving the way for personal growth and positive change. If you enjoyed this. If you shared it with your friends That would mean a lot to me. So thank you for tuning and thank you for going on this journey with me. It's an honor, And my hope for you is that you will be able to shed those things of the past, shed, those old stories, beliefs, and limitations, and that with each step that you create space for your extraordinary self to shine. I know that you can step boldly into your future Ready to embrace. The whole experience of defaulting to your extraordinary self.