Stop the Downward Spiral and Reclaim Your Motivation

Oh, Crappy Day! We all experienced those days when waking up feels like being hit by a truck, and the idea of tackling our to-do list is daunting. It's as if a heavy cloud has descended, making even simple tasks feel overwhelming.  Fortunately, psychology has a lot to say about  why we feel this way and, more importantly, what we can do about it.

Feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated often results from a mix of psychological factors. One main contributor is burnout – a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion due to prolonged stress. When we push ourselves too hard without adequate rest and self-care, our bodies and minds rebel, leaving us drained. 

Recognizing this, we can take steps to avoid the prolonging of these low times by setting up a support system to prevent it from escalating. We can keep crappy moments from turning into crappy days, weeks or even months. We may not get to choose not ever to experience "negative" emotions, challenges, or hard times. We do get to choose not to perpetuate our problems by lingering there for too long. 

"We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated." - Maya Angelou

Transcript

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Hi everyone. It's time to default to, yes, you are extraordinary yourself. I'm Julie Reynolds. And I'm your host on the journey with you? And being on that journey with you means that we take the ups and the downs together. I think we've all been there where those days, when you wake up feeling like you've been hit by a truck, or that you're the mere thought of tackling your to-do list since those. That sense of dread over you. It's like that heavy cloud of lethargy apathy is settles over you. And it makes so simple as tests seem insurmountable. you start to feel yourself giving up the things that you really, that Would make you feel better? Long-term. And default to the ordinary things of coffee and entertainment and just numbing activities. And that's. I think those are all the things that come up when we get in these spaces where. it's just fatiguing the motivation vapes just can't get that inspiration back. I want to remind us today that we have tools for this and that psychology offers a lot of insights on why we feel this way. And more importantly, what we can do about it. Now at its core, this feeling of being overwhelmed and unmotivated. Often stems from a combination of things. It can come from things that are happening in your life, maybe external factors, but there are a lot of psychological factors involved in this. And I have spent a lot of time Just really studying and observing and coaching around burnout. And that's that state of emotional and mental and physical exhaustion that is usually caused by. Just a prolonged time of excessive stress when we push ourselves too hard for too long, Without adequate rest and self care and our bodies and minds just. Rebel against us. Leaving us billing drained. De-motivated. Now I may be guilty of that. Recently I get too much going on and the momentum builds and I get excited. And I forget to take those breaks. They're built into my schedule and I just skip right over them. Now, hopefully I know better than to let that go too far. And I do have an infrastructure set up of support that can help me to keep from going too long in that state. In fact, I spent just probably two days spiraling down in this cycle. And got on a call this morning with my accountability partners and. Already feel that energy coming back just by bringing it to the forefront and seeing like what is going on. Having an infrastructure of support. That accountability can go a long way. And this is also why having coaching is a really a good strategy for that. if you do want to experience coaching and see what that might be like for you, if this could be part of your infrastructure. I am opening up a second group. For, just for this purpose of accountability and having that community of support as well as coaching. So that you don't get into these cycles of not being motivated and being tired and staying there too long. Because we don't want to wake up years from now with regrets over just spending too much time here. So going back to this week, I got tired. And when I get tired, I tend to get cynical and I get critical. And my first morning side usually comes up in my workplace because If I'm going to spiral on down on negativity, it's going to be at work. there's a whole lot of reasons for that. But when I just can't let something go, that isn't right. I've learned to think about my workplace as the ultimate personal growth training ground. Because a lot of the things that I focus on or I get worked up about are things that I really can't do anything about. these problems. Aren't necessarily mine to fix. It's really just mine to not be part of the. A bigger part of the problem or. To be part of the solution. I'm probably never going to fix that. Because again, it's not really mine to fix. And the people who are. You know who that would fall to probably don't think it's a problem. Or focused on other things. regardless my workplace. Ultimate personal growth training ground. And if I think of it that way, then I can embrace some of these challenges. But when I'm not thinking about it that way, I get curious about something. I get fixed on a problem that isn't mine to fix. Battle that isn't mine to fight and I start to spiral my, takes my energy. It takes my thoughts. It's. Distracting. It's maddening frustrating, and it causes me to almost catastrophize on all of healthcare. And that. In a way has motivated me to do the things that I'm doing as far as holistic healthcare and. At my practice as a coach and an aromatherapist as a breathwork coach, all of those things, all these tools that I've picked up. Are because of that. Because I can be part of the solution. So there's all of that. That highlights, that is not my problem to fix but along with all of that, our brains are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. Which means that we're naturally inclined to procrastinate and avoid tasks that are perceived as unpleasant or challenging. This avoidance behavior can just. Perpetuate the problem. By with feelings of guilt and frustration and creating that vicious cycle of inaction and self criticism. So if I have a couple bad days, I can really ruminate on all the things that I could've done differently over the past couple of days. this week. I totally got sucked into some of my books that I take in for fun and got a little bit of obsessed with the court of thorns and roses. That series has got me totally sucked in and I gave up sleep for it and I was enjoying it. I'm still enjoying it. it's a really good series. As I talk about it, I'm finding out that there aren't very many people that didn't already know about this series are reading it and I'm want to remind, nobody told me about this sooner. Anyway. nothing wrong with taking in a good book for sure. But giving up, sleep for it. I even found myself at work, wanting to listen to the book instead of staying present. Listening to it on my lunch hour, which is usually the time that I can reset. And instead I just got. Sucked into that. Anyway, that was my avoidance. And that was that behavior that just took me further into this cycle. I lost some sleep and I let myself get tired. So the good news is that regardless of what it is for you, we don't have to stay in this space. There are strategies that are rooted in psychology, rooted in science that can help us break free from the cycle of negativity and reclaim that motivation. Now I know it's not possible. To go throughout our lives without experiencing these times. Now we may not. experience it in the same way, and maybe you never give up your sleep. And so physical fatigue, isn't going to be your thing, but. We don't get to live happy. Stress-free. A hundred percent of the time it's more. 50 50, probably. So these times are going to come and to have a plan, which is why I say I have an infrastructure of support and I have a strategy always in place ever since I went through that really significant. Period of burnout. A number of years ago, it was probably 11 or 12 years ago. That I went through that and it was a dark place in my mind. And so since then getting the tools and having a strategy in place. So even when I am in those places, I know that I'm not going to stay there. And I know that I'm not going to stay there too long and it's not going to be a pattern. And then it's not going to deter from my dream. Now we can start by breaking it down. So when we are facing a more daunting task or a long goal. That is way that seems overwhelming and way out front, we can break it down into smaller and more manageable steps. And this. Not only makes that task seem less intimidating, but it also gives you a sense of accomplishment. As you progress through each step. So we're meeting up with those mile markers and celebrating them along the way, and we're acknowledging them as part of the step. I'm currently coaching a group of nurses in the process of professional advancement. And we've set it up as an eight week process. there are seven things that they have to do. Before they finish this process of actually being acknowledged for this advancement. so over eight weeks, they could do one step ahead of time. And that doesn't take a whole lot of time and it's very manageable and very not overwhelming. And so instead of looking at eight weeks or three months, this. What is the actual timeframe of completion? Instead of looking out three months and thinking I have to do all of this and taking it all on in one piece, every time they sit down, they could just take it one step at a time and celebrate that one step got done. And then at the end of the eight weeks, they're done at three months, we're celebrating. And we can avoid all of that. So I love that whole process. It really does require A balance of being shortsighted and having the long game. In mind all at the same time. So there's a little balance there and just working that out. So we want to break it down into small manageable steps and then set realistic goals. So being realistic about what we can accomplish over a given timeframe. When we set overly ambitious goals, we set ourselves up for failure And then our motivation takes an additional hit. I like to write my goals on a whiteboard. And I also, I'm not sure if it was maybe Jack Canfield who taught. The three step goal process that I've implemented. Setting goals as minimal target and outrageous. So you're basically setting three. Levels of the same goal. So the outrageous goal is that thing that you'll accomplish, if everything goes perfectly and you don't get hit any roadblocks. Outbreak or the target goal is that this would be optimal. This would be the thing that would happen if I just keep moving. And then you have a minimal goal at minimum, It's going to be this. So that might be. Let's use weight loss is over a month. maybe 12 pounds is an outrageous monthly goal. And then you have eight pounds is a target goal. And maybe five pounds is a minimum goal. I don't know if those are the right numbers, but you get the picture so minimal target, outrageous, but realistic. I like again, and I write mine on a whiteboard. I call it my vision board. And so when I hit a slow day, a tire day, a crappy day, I'm still seeing that in front of me. And I remind myself that despite how I feel about it right now, this is still happening. I did the action that I said that I was going to do because that's on my vision board. And it wasn't going to go to bed without doing it. So I did it. I didn't want to do it. I didn't feel like doing it. I didn't enjoy it when I did. I didn't celebrate it when I didn't do it, but I did it. And so the thing that is on my vision board is still happening, even though I don't feel it. The other thing is to practice self compassion. instead of berating ourselves about not being productive Because maybe one day I didn't get to check that box. On my board. But. I've got a practice self-compassion acknowledging, then it's okay to have days off and treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend in a similar situation. Now you wouldn't let a friend stay there as far as being nonproductive, but you would allow them compassion and to find out why and to adjust accordingly. So let's do that with ourselves. And allow ourselves that downtime. When we need it. Now sometimes. A change of scenery is what we need and that can work wonders for motivation. So if it's possible, try working in a different location or rearranging your workspace to make it more conducive to productivity. Maybe even just, if it's not, if you don't have control over that space, maybe changing your environment. Looks like just going for a long walk in a place you love or a place you've never been and just enjoying that different scenery and that possibility and the inspiration that comes from a new space. I have a list of coffee shops around Nashville that I have never been. And so on those days that I will either head to a spot that I know inspires me, like the botanical gardens that I can walk and journal and pray and be in nature for a bit. And get my steps in along the way or a coffee shop because there's just something about working in community with strangers that keeps me focused and open to the unexpected. It's a change up your environment a little bit. And then. Taking breaks. Don't underestimate the power of taking regular breaks. Research has shown that short breaks can help improve focus and prevent burnout. So don't feel guilty about stepping away from your work for a few minutes to recharge a few minutes for sure. Maybe even a whole afternoon. I like to build these into my life by observing times daily, weekly, monthly, and annually. So this would mean daily divert, weekly, withdraw, monthly maintain and annually abandoned. Just build those into your normal schedule. So every day, even if it's for 10 minutes, Divert daily divert, listen to something that is inspires you. If you, even if it's just taking a 10 minute walk, a mindfulness exercise is a great way to divert and take that break. Stretching routine. It's just something that's going to take you away from anything that's overwhelming you and a way that's going to give you energy. If we plan those things ahead of time, even in the midst of these crappy days, you know that you are going to build up some energy In your body and mind and spirit, and then weekly withdraw. And that will be a longer period of time. building those things into our schedules. And keeping our word to ourselves that we are going to hold to that because we need it. So even on those crappy days or crappy week or crappy month, You know that you had those times to re-energize and redo. Maybe even reinvent. Yourself and the way you're going about things to put you back on the track of doing the things that you want to do is showing up in the way that you want to. This is all part of what we do when we train our brains to cooperate with ourselves as we show up in the world and the way we really want to. This might be a daily divert exercise, mindfulness techniques like deep breathing exercises or guided meditation. Can help, quiet the mind and reduce feelings of stress and overwhelm. Incorporating those mindfulness into your daily routine can improve overall wellbeing. Just spilling over into every aspect of our lives. And also gives us that resilience to negative emotions, So those crappy days don't turn into crappy weeks. Those crappy weeks don't turn into crappy months. That don't turn into crappy years. I have a couple apps for this. To turn to, I love Headspace headspace.com. I actually was just introduced to hallow. A couple of weeks ago, and that is becoming one of my new favorites. Calm the calm app. I'll put the links in the show notes to a couple of different resources. You can find the one that fits for you. Some of them are free. Some of them are paid. Some of them have free options that if you just to get you started even. And of course there's the growth day app, which I would say. Every day, I listened to the daily fire on that app and it just gets me pointed in the right direction. So that is something that you could try for free for two weeks, use the link below and give it a try. Maybe it'll be something that helps you build that infrastructure. So that, like I said, so crappy days don't turn into crappy weeks and turned into crappy months to turn into crappy gears. Now I don't expect that these strategies are going to take the T the negative or the crappy times away from us completely because it's, we can't be. We're not going to be happy. A hundred percent of the time that it's gotten, not even the goal. We probably have 50 50, where we feel that. 50% of the time, we don't feel very motivated. Or inspired. And then 50% of the time we are going great guns in our brains. Our brains are. On track with us and we are in a flow. That's always the goal and the goal also then would be to increase that percentage of productivity. And I've been studying the 80 20 principle. And how to change those ratios over time. But they're not going away. So we have to have a strategy for which two. Approach those, these things. So again, The strategy involves, first of all, breaking it down, setting realistic goals, practicing self-compassion. Changing your environment taking breaks and practicing mindfulness. Our default to extraordinary the default to your extraordinary self. Says that you are somebody who faces these times head on. Maybe you ask why, and maybe you get the, get at that root cause and build in another strategy too. Make it short term. Take those things as they come and know that They're not permanent parts of your life that you have to hang on to. when you face problems and when you have problems, you don't have to perpetuate them. By staying there. in this life and on this journey, we're going to hit bumps on the road. We are going to be going uphill for way too long. And it's going to get tiring every once in awhile. We are going to get discouraged. We're going to get overwhelmed. We're going to have to solve problems along the way. But I believe in you, I believe that you are smart enough. And capable enough to solve those problems and get yourself back on track. So that you are not deterred from your dreams and for your mission in life, whatever that might be. I'm confident that the world needs what you have to offer. You've been given gifts and strengths and purpose that no one else has in a way that only you can bring to the world. So we need to see that we need to see you shine. I want to see you defaulting to your extraordinary self every single day, and it's totally possible. So before we go about our, the rest of our week and just want to invite you. To join me in a mindfulness exercise to cultivate that self-compassion and reignite your motivation for the week to come. Some to invite you to close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Just allow yourself to fully relax. In through your nose. And out through your mouth. Now bring to mind a moment when you felt truly proud of yourself. Perhaps it's a time when you overcame a challenge or accomplished a goal. Hold on to that feeling of pride and accomplishment. What does that feeling like? Can you feel it in your body? Just let that fill you with that sense of confidence and resilience. Notice how that feels. As you inhale deeply. Just breathe in that. Sense of confidence. And strength. I breathe out that joy, putting that out into the world. Next think about a task or a project that's been weighing on your mind. What is it? That is. Overwhelming. And instead of focusing on how daunting it seems. Remind yourself that you are capable and deserving of success. Visualize yourself, tackling that task with ease and confidence. What it looks like to break it down into manageable steps and make steady progress. Now, staying in the space, just visualize a circle on the ground in front of you. Inside that circle is all the energy and insight and knowledge and capability and time. All of what is needed for you to show up in the world and the way that you really want to. What does it look like there? How does it feel? Now when you're ready. Visualizing that circle full of all of the things that you need. You know how it feels now. Visualize stepping into all that power. Stepping into that circle. Into that space. When you're ready. If you're somewhere where you can actually take a physical step forward, do that. Otherwise visualize that. Stepping into that circle, stepping into that power. If you aren't ready, just rest. No judgment. Just notice. Allow yourself to rest. Knowing that it will be there when you were ready all in perfect time. So maybe you're feeling all of that power and you're feeling more energized and ready to go about your day. Stepping out, stepping into that circle. Maybe you're allowing yourself some time to rest either way, offer yourself some encouragement and self-compassion. Just over the next few moments. Maybe tell yourself, I am capable and resilient. I trust in my ability to overcome challenges. I may feel down and tired. I'm not staying here. I trust my ability to overcome challenges. Allow those words to sink in filling you with a renewed sense of motivation and determination. I trust in my ability to overcome challenges. I'll take a really deep cleansing breath in. Filling it all the way down into your belly. And letting it out. When you're ready, just gently open your eyes, return to the present moment. Carrying with you, a new found sense of empowerment and inspiration to tackle whatever challenges that lie ahead. Or even just to allow yourself some time to rest. Maybe it is time to. Set a schedule for that weekly withdrawal. it's okay to feel overwhelmed from time to time. And in fact, maybe inevitable, but practicing. Self-compassion and adopting effective strategies by doing that, you can overcome anything that stands in your way. as you get up every day and default to yes. Your extraordinary self.