Four Foundational Questions for Emotional Freedom

In this episode, we explore the power of intentional thinking and the impact of mindset on personal growth, the concept of 'defaulting to extraordinary' and addresses the importance of metacognition in shaping our thoughts and emotions. 

Four key questions to assess mindset on a journey towards emotional freedom, intentional living, and overall well-being.

00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview

00:25 The Power of Thoughts and Metacognition

01:22 Foundational Thinking and Emotional Management

02:39 Practical Steps 

04:14 Embracing Personal Growth and Overcoming Challenges

07:36 Exploring Abundance vs. Scarcity Mindset

12:01 Understanding Agency in Personal Development

14:30 Balancing Perfectionism and Flexibility

16:57 Forgiveness and Self-Compassion

18:32 What next?

Transcript

0:59

Welcome to what I hope for you is another extraordinary week. I am your host, Julie Reynolds on the journey with you. In this episode, we're going to unpack. A question that I ask a lot and I have been doing a Roma cognition sessions with some beta testers for this practice that I have designed, and usually this takes place in coaching. And the question that I've been asking is what do you want to be thinking? Or what is the, what is a thought that you want to have. And it's kind of a difficult question to answer. And it's all part of what I mean, when I'm saying. When I'm talking about defaulting to extraordinary and our default mode. Psychology would say a neuroscience. What tells explains to us that our default mode is usually based on what happens in the primitive brain and when we have emotions or feelings and we react to them in a way without thinking really. Or cognitively processing that are intentionally processing that. And metacognition that thinking about thinking. Serves that purpose. So, what do you want to be thinking or what is, what is. What do you want to hear from you? Is a question that I ask a lot and find that people have people struggle with being able to answer it. So if you're struggling with this, we're going to unpack a little bit of foundational. Thinking. That we need to have a good understanding and maybe a place to start in your discovery of what it is that you want to be thinking. Because of Mo or emotions or those feelings. Originate from thoughts. And sometimes it comes out of me just being conditioned. In a certain worldview. And that isn't something that we, a lot of times, maybe we didn't even choose it and maybe we're not even aware of it. We can all manage all of that. By being mindful and intentional with our inner dialogue. This means recognizing the power of our thoughts and choosing to focus on the. The thoughts that that serve us in the way that we want to show up in the world and the way that is uplifting and empowers us. These aren't always easy thoughts and this isn't soft making ourselves comfortable all the time. Sometimes this leads us right into a very uncomfortable space. But starting by asking yourself what kind of thoughts would create the emotions that you wish to experience and what are you making things mean? are, you getting the outcomes that you want or don't want. And all of that goes back to processing these things. For instance, if you want to feel more confident, Practicing affirmations, things that are true and reinforcing yourself worth is where you would start. By reminding yourself as strengths and past successes. If you can pull up. Pieces of information that proved to your brain, that you are capable of figuring things out and you're capable of doing the things that you're setting out to do. You're going to be in more apt to feel confident. and if you're looking for peace, then cultivating thoughts of gratitude and mindfulness and allowing yourself really to be present in the moment is where you would go. Is where you would look to move towards now, remembering that it's okay to seek support. First of all, as you navigate this journey. Whether it's through meditation, journaling talking to a trusted friend or therapist. There are a lot of ways to explore and reshape your thought patterns. Of course, my favorite is coaching because it's short term and it focuses on the present and the future. And it really gets us. And the, in the place of really being able to process what our thoughts and really training our brain. That powerful tool that we have to be able to get the outcomes that we want and move forward and show up in the world and the way that we really want to. Now, embracing that process with kindness and patience and knowing that each step. Is a step towards more fulfilling and emotional balanced life is really the goal. It's why I talk about defaulting to, yes, we can default to ordinary. We can allow our brains to keep us safe and comfortable, or we can leverage all the power of our brain and find out what we're really capable of by training our brain to default, to extraordinary. This means that we're a lot of times going to find ourselves outside of the comfort zone. And that is okay. Personal growth. Isn't easy. And I think that. If you are someone who aspires to grow and grow personally, there are some times when you just might might hear yourself thinking or saying. That this is just too hard. this is good enough. I'm stopping here. I'm not going to work so hard at it. And that is a reasonable place because personal growth isn't easy. Our brains will really try to, to debate. Any growth with us or any change? Because it likes to keep us safe and to our brains safe. Means the same. Whether that's good for us or bad for us. So while personal growth, isn't easy. It's not any harder. Than managing around some of the obstacles that we are constantly facing, knowing that you're capable of more, but not living it. That's not easy, either being overweight. leads to all sorts of problems in mobility to see is discomfort. And it's, it's a lot of work. Is it more work than losing weight? I don't know. I think it may, it might take just as much energy. Staying in a job that you hate. Living in a cluttered space that makes you feel overwhelmed. Being in a state of anxiety, exhaustion being broke. Alone hurt, angry. Resentful. All of those things are a lot of work. That's a lot of energy. And can we say that that's really easier? Than personal growth. So many live by default, and that means victim to the conditioned mindsets and the baggage from the past. Emotions that provoke behavior or lead to that behavior, giving us the outcomes that we don't really want. Keeping us from. What we know is possible. Keeping us from that state of overall wellbeing. Personally, professionally in our relationships, even in our environment. It's really essential to recognize that we have the power to shift our perspective and. As a result, our emotional state and live that emotional freedom that we really want to be living. And again, I'm saying that. As not something that is always going to be easy, like is that some of that. It's going to lead us right outside of our comfort zones. But by consciously choosing our thoughts, we can create that more fulfilling. An extraordinary intentional life. Living intentionally requires practice and patients. It doesn't happen overnight. It's a journey. It's a journey of continuous self discovery and growth. And sometimes it's small steps that we're going to take over time that are going to make the biggest difference. We can make our default extraordinary. If we just get up every day. And design that life that's filled with purpose and fulfillment. And I said that it was going to talk about the, the dominant emotional frames that are kind of the undercurrent of our thinking and our worldview. And the first one I want to talk about is abundance versus scarcity. So ask yourself and you might want to write these down. And really journal this out. Do I live in an abundant or scarce universe. Is there enough for everyone or just the elite few, get everything and you get the scraps or there's not enough success for you. There's not enough money for you. There's not enough of whatever it is that you want because. someone else gets all of it. You get none of it. Kind of mindset, scarcity and lack, generates scary emotions. If you grew up in scarcity, that fear can really lead to that paralysis where you just really don't feel like you can do anything. Or make anything happen? Living in abundance can help you feel more open and joyous. And even if abundance, isn't your reality right now, you can train yourself to operate from that place. We can do this by practicing gratitude. That's a powerful way to shift our mindset towards abundance. By acknowledging and appreciating what, what we already have. We begin to foster that sense of richness and fulfillment. We can use daily affirmations to tell ourselves the truth. And we can like noting three things that you're grateful for each day. That's a great way to start each day. And that can gradually transform your perspective. If you're someone who discovers that you kind of operate out of a scarcity mindset versus that abundant view. Another way to do this as sort of surrounding ourselves with positive influences, people who uplift and inspire. That can reinforce that abundant mindset. Another way to do this is just too. Do things that bring you joy and satisfaction with whether it's a hobby or exercise. Spending time in nature, just doing those things that nurture your soul. These practices not only will enhance your overall wellbeing, but they also anchor you in the present moment. And that's where abundance really resides. Now remember abundance, isn't solely about material wealth as well. It encompasses that richness of relationships and experiences and personal growth. And it's nurturing these aspects of your life, where you're really going to create that fertile ground for abundance to flourish. That my journey with the word abundance began years ago when I was in automatical mission in Mexico city. We were doing. Providing dental care to you. The community that lived in the garbage dump. So they literally lived in the dump making homes out of the garbage, in the Mexico city garbage dump. These people would come to our fly infested bus to get care. And they would bring things to give to us in exchange for their care. They come with smiles on their faces. hugs when we, when they left. And when we left the garbage dump. And pulled out to the side of the church that we were serving with the, there was a whole crowd there and they were applauding and singing and dancing and just having a celebration right there on the sidewalk I just was. Amazed at their sense of abundance and joy. Despite their circumstances. And that's when I really began to look at what is my mindset. And my appreciating the things that I have right now. Now, ultimately shifting from scarcity mindset to one of abundance is a journey. Being patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate through that transformation, if that's you. And over time, you'll find that abundance becomes less of a distant. Dream. And more of a reality and it just kind of weaves itself into your everyday life. And then you find yourself. Making different decisions and letting go of some of the stress. So ask yourself, do you live in a, in an abundant or scarce universe? Is there enough for everyone? Or is it a PI. That there's only so much to go around and some people get a big slice of the pie. Some people get a small site slice of the pie and when it's gone, it's gone. Or is there just enough for everyone to go around? Do you live in an abundant or scarce universe? Second question. Do I feel I have agency or not? You may feel like you're not in control and things are just happening to you instead of for you or because of you. You can be agentic or deterministic With more agency, you can construct more possibility and positivity. If you haven't seen self-actualized people, you might not be aware of the control that you have for more agency. You're going to want to study personal development and spend time with people Who prioritize it. Surround yourself with mentors and coaches and individuals that inspire you make you feel stronger. Inspire you to take proactive steps in your life. Read books, attend seminars, and engage in activities that challenge your current mindset and expand your horizons. I'm reading a book it's written by a Navy seal right now, all about personal growth and his style is. A little more tough love than what I had been reading for a while. I'd. I've been more of a pattern of really studying. Self-compassion self-worth. And being compassionate and gracious with ourselves as we, as we do this work of growth. And his approach is very different and I'm finding myself really looking at. Do I have agency or not, or am I really thinking that I'm going to manifest this without doing the hard work and some of the tough stuff? So it's a balance. Remember agency is about recognizing that you have the power to influence your own path. You can do hard things. It starts with small, intentional actions that align with your goals and values. And then celebrate progress, No matter how minor it might seem. That's where the balance is. So that you can do the hard things and push yourself, but then celebrate all the progress. Make note of all of the things that you have done. And then continuous re reflect on your growth. And by cultivating that mindset of agency, you can transform your experiences and then start to navigate life with a sense of purpose and empowerment, because you know that you are. Capable of making things happen. That's the second question. So. Do you feel like you have agency? Or not. Third question is in my, or is my world loose or strict? the higher level of perfectionism you have, the more you tend to operate from negativity. Openness and flexibility are really crucial to emotional control and providing you that freedom that you maybe want more of embracing that mindset of openness allows us to navigate our challenges with resilience and grace. And when we approach situations with a more flexible attitude, we become more adaptable and we've combined those creative solutions rather than get bogged down by rigid expectations. This is a big one for perfectionists. So if you fall into that camp where everything is, needs to be a certain way to really be we're celebrating, this is for you. The shift in perspective, not only enhances our emotional wellbeing, but it also is going to foster a more positive and fulfilling experience of life. Really. to get on the right side of this and find balance in this area, incorporating practices like mindfulness and meditation journaling into your daily routine to cultivate that openness. This can help us become more aware of our thoughts and feelings and enable us to respond to them with greater clarity and compassion will actually understand where we need to. Loosen our grip a little bit. Surround yourself again with supportive individuals that who encourage growth and adaptability, because their influence can further reinforce your journey towards that emotional freedom. I like to partner with people who have a different style and maybe it can be a little more easy going than I am in a plan or in a structure. Or in a schedule. remember, the goal is not to eliminate all standards are abandoned. Your aspirations for excellence. We can have both instead it's about finding, cause it's about really, it's about finding that balance where you can strive for your best while remaining kind to yourself and adaptable to change sometimes. Good enough is just good enough and it's better to do something than do nothing and hold tightly to those, those standards. And again, beating yourself up is never going to be the goal. we want to be joyful, not judgy. By doing that we can create a world that is neither too loose or too strict. But rather having that. Support of your overall growth and happiness and finding that balance. All right. Fourth question is, is my world forgiving or punishing? believe that you have the ability to forgive yourself and others. Life is so much easier when you think that other people in the universe aren't out to punish or to hurt you. That everything is working for you instead of against you. And you can choose happiness by treating yourself to gratitude and grace. this is where the balance between that. Tough love and self-compassion comes into play. understanding that the universe, the world. Other people not out to punish you. And neither should you be embracing that mindset of forgiveness allows you to release the burdens of resentment and anger and make room for joy and peace. There. Remember every day is an opportunity to start fresh and to learn from the past without being tied down to P two, it. We can cultivate that sense of gratitude and can transform even the most challenging situations into moments of growth and understanding. Everything is our teacher. And I think that's the goal, right? To To live in that place of growth and understanding And I think it's easy sometimes to go too far on the side of understanding and forsake the growth. Because it's uncomfortable. So, so actually that's also reasonable, but it's not really what you want or you wouldn't be here. so those are four questions that you can ask that will give you the foundation. To be able to answer the question of what thought you want to have. What do you want to hear from yourself today? If you're going to take on this work, I encourage you to schedule a discovery session. And let me help you unpack this and point you in the right direction and see if we can't get you some resources to be able to do this More effectively. And share it with a friend so that maybe you can go on this journey with a trusted friend, somebody that you can answer these questions together and really examine. Sometimes even just saying it out loud or to someone who is trained to ask the right questions and hold that space for you or to just, or someone that you trust that you can be completely honest with. And saying those things out loud, this is where a journal might help as well. So share this episode, schedule your discovery session. And go on this journey, Everly answering these questions for yourself. surround yourself with people who uplift you. And make you feel stronger, who energize you, who give you the courage to go on this journey, celebrate small victories and be kind to yourself when things don't go as planned. By practicing self-compassion and extending that grace to others, you create that ripple effect that can lead to all of the extraordinary. the world reflects back what we project onto it. So let's choose love and choose understanding And watch as your world becomes extraordinary as you get up every day and default to yes, your extraordinary self.