Meeting vs. Exceeding Expectations: A Different Thought About Workplace Evaluations

Exceeding Expectations: Embracing the Cognitive Climb

In this episode of 'Default to Yes,' we explore the concept of exceeding expectations in various aspects of life, changing perspectives on workplace evaluations, emphasizing the importance of shifting thoughts to serve better outcomes. Exceeding expectations can impact professional and personal growth, drawing on psychological theories and practical examples. 

00:00 Introduction to the Default to Yes Journey
00:15 Rethinking Work Evaluations
01:09 The Cognitive Climb: Shifting Perspectives
01:25 Exceeding Expectations: Beyond the Ordinary
02:21 The Psychology of Exceeding Expectations
03:54 Exceeding Expectations in Relationships
05:32 Exceeding Expectations in the Workplace
07:10 Balancing Work and Personal Growth
11:09 The Dangers of Playing Small
13:16 Finding Fulfillment in Exceeding Expectations
22:26 The Importance of Adding New Value
24:23 Navigating the Path to Fulfillment
27:24 Conclusion: Embracing the Extraordinary

Transcript

0:59

welcome to another extraordinary week. this is Julie Reynolds and I am your host on the default to yes journey. I'm going to take a stab at something that is a fairly, I don't know, new thought, a thought that I often visit. And that is because, at work it's July and we are starting to do evaluations. I've had very little value in our evaluations because, well, there's no raise or incentive really involved, nothing tangible. And I've found that I've fallen into the trap of kind of the way I think about it, not maybe the most helpful way to think about it. So I, as I usually do, got curious and took this to my coach and got. Uh, a totally different, a reminder of a totally different perspective, and then just looking at my whole journey and seeing that the thoughts that I was having about this year's evaluation were not the thoughts that have ever served me well. So I needed to find a different way to think about it. It was time for what I call the cognitive climb. Getting from one thought to a thought that serves me better. And then to eventually The thought that I really want to have to give me the outcome that I really want. So I'm going to talk today about exceeding expectations. journeying beyond the ordinary. We talk about extraordinary, and this This is where the line is between ordinary and extraordinary is the same line between meeting expectations and exceeding expectations. And there are some people that just are okay with ordinary and are okay with meeting expectations. And I'm not even going to say that there's anything wrong with that. I think there are perfectly loving, productive people in the world that are not reaching their full potential, and they're okay with that. So wherever you are on this journey, I'm thinking that because you're listening to this and you've joined me here, it's because you want to live an extraordinary life. You want to see what you're capable of. You want to live to your full capacity. And that's only done in exceeding expectations. Now, exceeding expectations is a concept that resonates, kind of resonates across various facets of life from work, relationships, finances, personal wellbeing. It really hits all of the dimensions of overall well being. It's about going above and beyond that minimum required, delivering more than anticipated and making that lasting impression. This mindset is deeply rooted in psychology and can significantly impact our overall well being, bringing all of those, if we, you remember, so we're talking about the wheel of life or the assessment, bringing that wheel, expanding those areas out to give us a nice round Smooth wheel to ride our lives on the bringing both all of the benefits and the challenges to personal growth. the drive to exceed expectations is often linked to that intrinsic motivation or self determination. And according to the self determination theory, individuals are most fulfilled when they feel competent, autonomous, and connected to others. And exceeding expectations can enhance these feelings and lead us to that greater satisfaction and overall well being. Now, how this plays out in relationships is exceeding expectations in relationships, fosters trust and strengthens bonds and creates that supportive environment. And that's kind of an easy one. This involves being attentive and showing appreciation and making consistent efforts to nurture the relationship. This comes through active listening, showing a genuine interest in your partner's thoughts and feelings. Listening actively and can significantly exceed the expectation of simply hearing. You've all had that experience on both sides of that, and you know the difference. Thoughtful gestures. Those small, thoughtful actions, those unexpected notes or acts of kindness can go a long way in demonstrating care and appreciation. I send texts a lot to my friends and, um, I might send an email or a message in the moment, but this week I got a card from one of my friends The card says you're ridiculous. And then she wrote a very thoughtful note inside the card and that just meant so much to me. So those thoughtful gestures that they just go a long way in demonstrating that care and appreciation, that was an extra effort. She went above and beyond. Now, consistently also showing up for your partner or your friends and being reliable. Builds that strong foundational foundation of trust and respect. Now in relationships, we can probably see that a little bit more easily. In the workplace, it gets a little more challenging. In a professional setting, exceeding expectations can be, can differentiate between mediocrity and excellence and employees who consistently deliver more than required tend to advance more quickly. Or receive higher evaluations. They gain the trust and the respect of colleagues and their leadership. Right? So we, we see that Now you're, you might not be in a role where that's going to translate into maybe more dollars, but maybe you are, in your setting, that might translate differently for different, in different roles or different for different people, whatever the perks of the job are, whatever the, whatever those benefits might be, they're there in some way. might be in opportunities or awards, might be financial, might be that you get the schedule that you want because you're valued. and this usually looks like just taking an interest and understanding the goals and striving to over deliver. It's a commitment to ongoing learning and personal and professional growth, both of those two together, in our institution We have a, we have sets of goals for our job, for our professional skills, and we have goals for the way we treat other people, the way we show up with our attitude, how we value the goals and what we strive for, really just how we show up, and then being proactive by presenting solutions and requesting feedback to enhance your performance. Those are always, we can show up in the workplace to. Exceed expectations. Now, what about when you don't want to do more than what you're paid for? The concept of exceeding expectations often comes with that notion of putting an extra effort beyond what you're explicitly required to, or that you're compensated for. And many employees feel that they should not be expected beyond their paid duties. and this perspective is valid, and it highlights important considerations around your work life balance. Fair compensation, job satisfaction, all of those things are part of that, and those are valid points. What do we do with that? Well, what is your aim? Is it to meet expectations or exceed expectations? Now I'll be honest with you, I reached a point when I was so frustrated, I felt betrayed by my institution and I didn't feel valued and I got into a mindset of I just can't do anymore. Um, I will not work off the clock anymore. I will only do what I am paid for. And so in my situation, well, not only do I think in general nurses are not paid enough, no matter what you think for the level of responsibility and liability there is in this job. I can't say that it was necessarily the pay that I had a problem with. It was that I was being asked to do work. If I was going to exceed expectations, I was going to have to do it outside of my work hours. Inside my work hours, I was being paid to take care of my patients when I wasn't taking care of patients that I was not to be paid and so that meant that any professional growth, any classes I took, any research I did, any projects or committees I served on would all be outside of my work hours. our unit didn't have budgets for meetings and education and things like that, And if you don't do those things, then how do you grow? So that was an issue for me if I didn't get involved, if I didn't read articles outside of my work time? Was I going to take a class or get certified? All of those things needed to be done on my own time. So I decided I wasn't going to do that. and I can also be honest with you to say that that was not serving me. I was burnout. I was ready to leave my, profession. and I wasn't making progress in that area. Now we live in a culture right now too, that many people will say that I'm just going to do what I'm paid for. I'm only going to do what I paid for. I won't do anything more. And that's. It's a very big cultural thing, especially in the United States right now. If you're, and if you're honest, we can probably validate this by where we are on this, by noticing how we really feel about our workplace. We know if we're meeting expectations, we're doing the bare minimum, or if we're exceeding expectations by how we feel about our work. And then there's the flip side of this. And I get if you prefer to stick with your defined role and responsibility, we often do that to prioritize work life balance or fairness and avoiding burnout. Psychologically, this also makes sense and it can, this approach can help maintain that mental health and prevent negative consequences of overworking like stress and exhaustion. and according to the principle of equity theory in organizational psychology, employees. Seek fairness between the effort that they put in and the rewards they receive. That makes sense. Feeling undercompensated for extra work can lead to that dissatisfaction and disengagement, and that is where I was. In fact, my level of engagement actually caused a significant amount of hardship. And so I was never going to let that happen to myself. That's still bad thinking though, to, to think that underperforming or doing the minimum or playing small is ever going to be a good idea. I know I'm saying, I know I'm kind of saying two things, which is it, but I'm saying that this is the reality of doing the minimum This is a balance between. Meeting expectations and exceeding expectations. It's the difference between defaulting to the ordinary and defaulting to extraordinary. Now, the criticism, which I think is appropriate, comes down to being when that turns into burnout culture in companies where the company or the institution is paying you a certain amount and where they're paying you less than another person would get paid because the diversity issues or they're paying genders differently. That's a whole nother topic. So I'm not talking about that. And I'm also not talking about when they, when, when an employer piles on the work for no extra incentive in the same amount of time that wasn't originally in the agreement or creates unsafe conditions. environments We're talking about how this affects us personally and our overall well being and what is within our control. And you're either going to be a person who exceeds expectations or meets expectations. It's a choice that we have. So I could say that I'm just going to stay here. I'm going to do the same thing. I'm going to disengage. I'm only going to do what they're paying for me for. I even named it one time. I was intentional. I was not going to give up. anymore myself to an institution that didn't value me, according to me, who used me, didn't care, took advantage, wanted to give less as I gave more. And I even named it, I named it Operation Disengage. I was intentional. That wouldn't be wrong. It's the agreement. This is your job. Do it. And you get paid this amount. That is what I signed up for and that's what I was going to get. I was gonna go to work, punch a clock, do my work, come home. But what if you're someone who always wants to do your best? Again, you're here. So that's probably you. You do great work and you want to be recognized for it. You're there. And if you agreed to be there, you signed the contract. You raised your hand. You took the job. You agreed to be there. And hopefully you negotiated the terms, But my point is, is that not to diminish yourself because of the pay, because by doing that, you lock yourself into a low level and not only of income, you lock yourself into a low level of living. Because you're diminishing yourself because you're not getting the exact external award that you desire, And this is where my coaching came in. My coach pointed out to me that my brain, it does not know the difference. My coach said that is what can ruin you? Because if you think about how that plays out in real life in other areas relationships marriage your If you think you're only going to do what you're paid in return by the other person, that's toxic. That's going to get us into trouble every time. That relationship is not going to do well. And it's the same thing in careers. Careers die all the time because people go in, I'm only going to do what I'm paid for and that's it. You lose interest, you lose the passion, you lose the drive, you stop growing, it gets boring. I thought that just determining to do what I'm paid for, to do my job, meet expectations, go home and be done with it, I thought that would heal my burnout. And when I, I, then when I attended a resilience training for burnout, I was, I was livid actually at the suggestion that the answer would be to get more involved. I thought that was the last thing that I needed. And I really saw that as kind of a sucker punch. Like, here they have me in this place of vulnerability saying that I need help and that what they said is do more for us. I was like, I was ticked. I was also very wrong. And now having been in the position to be the coach. sharing my story, sharing that truth. Is, I've not forgotten the moment that somebody told me to get more involved. So I know that's a hard place to be, and I know the resistance that. Pops up. When we're feeling exhausted and burnout, and somebody says do more. Uh, it's horrible. So, but I will say that as the coach, I have seen. the turnaround and so many others. And I've seen them grab a hold of their passion and actually lean into that. And now they're doing more than they were doing before. but they're doing things that matter. They're doing them for the right reasons. They're doing them at the right pace And they're loving it. So I know what can happen when you get ahold of that And you let go of some of that resistance and embrace some of the, well, as they say in sports, embrace the suck. Yeah. the point of what my coach was sharing with me is that my brain was going to interpret meeting expectations and think at the end of the day, That I was looking for external reward for what I was doing. That diminishing myself because I wasn't getting that exact external reward that my brain was going to process that. In business terms, I was going to process that when I only give what I'm asked for, when we only give what they're asking for, then you're just a commodity. You're something that they purchased. that they've invested a dollar amount in. You want to be more than that. I want to be more than that. in business terms, what we set out to do is offer an experience or a story, a unique value that sets us apart from the competition. It's about creating a connection, an emotional bond that makes your product, your service indispensable to the customer. So. What if we thought about that as far as our relationship within our profession or in our job, when people feel that genuine connection and they're, they're more likely to remain loyal and advocate for you or for your brand? This is what I'm saying about, you might get an opportunity that, that is an opportunity of a lifetime and you might get the schedule that you're really wanting. So strive to go beyond the basics and infuse your offerings with elements that resonate deeply with your audience or with your customer. Is that your patients? Is that your boss? Is that your institution? Making, you want to make them feel understood and nurses, isn't that what Magnet is all about? They want to hear stories about structural empowerment and transformational leadership. They want to hear the stories of our exemplary practice they want to hear about the new knowledge and innovation that we're bringing to healthcare and to our patients, to our colleagues. And that is what that's all about. So they want to be surprised by what we deliver. That sounds a whole lot more fun than just going to work, doing the job we're paid for and going home. you have to exceed expectations to succeed in business, in life, in your marriage, with your partner, we don't just show up and go through the motions with our partners or with our kids. We want to exceed their expectations to be a better parent than they thought they deserve or you thought was possible. We want to be a better caregiver than they thought they deserved or they thought was possible. Because that's activating potential. That's when we find out what we're really capable of. and what is possible. That's when we find out what is beyond what we can think or imagine, And that's servant leadership, because that's the expression of the best of who you are. So don't diminish yourself based on what you're paid. Don't ever do that. You show up and you do your very best work every single time, or you're confined to laying your head on the pillow and thinking about what could have been knowing that you compromise the best of who you are. And if you do that every day at work, that's when you get into burnout. That's when you get into anxiety and depression and the things that happen when you're not living. A fulfilled life. And we spend a lot of time at work. And so your brain is processing that message that you're sending it all day long, every day. You go to bed at night and the thoughts are, I'm not trying because they're not paying me. I'm not doing this extra thing because they won't allow me to do it on the clock. And your brain hears, I'm not trying because of some external reason. And at some point, you find out that you just diminished yourself. Playing small to protect yourself, to fit in, to be liked, whatever the reason is, never feels good. Everyone who wants a fulfilling life wants to go to bed at night feeling like, I did my best today. As a mom, I did my best at work, in business. It means that you are always successful. It doesn't mean that you're perfect, and thank God that that isn't what it means. It means that you're engaged. you're trying. You're giving the best of the gifts that God gave you. If you've been given gifts, you've been given knowledge and talent and ability. You've been given opportunities to serve. We can't back away from that. That was put there for your destiny, for reasons beyond you, for spiritual reasons. And I believe for spiritual reasons, I believe that when we're at work, this is, it's about something bigger than the job that you do to get a paycheck or to make a living. I believe that we are God's handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which. God prepared us in advance to do, and maybe those aren't the words that you use, but you understand that you are created for something and you're, you were created for, with a purpose. I had to rethink my own decision again to not take the opportunities that I was being given. It's been, it's been a hard lesson to learn. And I go back and forth. So I understand both sides of this to not, but to not use the gifts I was given because I wasn't being paid enough or appreciated enough or treated a certain way. All those things are external things they're not a good reason for me to play small. So looking at the balance between exceeding and meeting expectations, I think that's the mindset of the most extraordinary people I've ever met. They innovate. They advocate, they show up. They don't just do the thing. They exceeded ex, they exceed expectations, and they add new things. They add something new. So if you have a job, how can you add something new? Your job isn't to just do the minimal. At work, what can you bring that maybe only you can bring? What can you make better? sometimes new value is taking away things, and sometimes it's adding things. What does that going to look like for you? What does that new value look like? What I've seen in all of the research is those who don't. Add new value. Not only do they not exceed over the long term in a very measurable way, they're also less happy, less healthy because their life grew stale. And I saw this too, when I watched the Blue Zone series, those people were full of joy doing things that they loved and giving it their best. They did not stop moving. They did not give in. So how many of you would equate staleness with living and experiencing a richness of life? I think that sounds more like burnout. So if that's you, or you're feeling stale, you might be heading into burnout and you might need to appreciate that and get yourself back on track with, um, engaging in something that brings you joy. Now, again, I know this is very countercultural and we've been trained and ingrained in survival mode, especially in the past few years to just do the bare minimum to survive. Because of the uncertainty, and we have been conditioned in many ways to think that work life balance always means work less, play more. We can get scared or frustrated, feeling undervalued or overworked. We have rights. We need security and safety. And all of that is true. But if everyone only does the minimum, we halt progress and guarantee staleness. and we have to know that we bring meaning and purpose to our work and to our life, not the other way around. So how do we navigate the mindset while still aiming for fulfillment and growth? How do we cross that line from meeting expectations to, to exceeding expectations every single time and finding out how fulfilling that can be? Because while the benefits of exceeding expectations are clear, enhanced personal growth, professional growth, stronger relationships, financial stability, That pursuit of exceeding expectations can sometimes lead to burnout or perfectionism and unrealistic standards if we're not careful. So just be mindful as you pursue those things and be intentional by aligning with your core values. Set those realistic goals, aim to exceed expectations in manageable increments. You don't have to do it all right now or all in one day, and you don't have to do it perfectly all in one day. Celebrate the small victories along the way. That is so important. If you apply for a new position or a promotion, celebrate the application. Celebrate that you threw your hat in the ring. If you signed up for some, for some opportunity, any initiative, any little move towards that extraordinary, celebrate it, even if it isn't received in the way that you want, it's still a way that you are not backing down to the status quo and you're, and you are choosing to default to extraordinary. Prioritize self care along the way, ensure that you, that your drive to exceed expectations doesn't come at the expense of your health and well being. I think that's probably the, one of the bigger things is that, that I think that I see professionals especially doing is picking up the extra shifts, doing all the things, not really being intentional about what they say yes to and saying yes to everything at the cost of their health and well being. And then, of course, seek support from colleagues and friends and mentors. and collaborative efforts lead to better outcomes, so don't go it on your, on your own. It is possible to Exceed expectations and no longer need those external rewards because you start to just really step into your purpose and into your joy. never play small because of cultural conditioning. remember again that you bring meaning and purpose to work and life, not the other way around So If you are with me and you are committed to exceeding expectations, share this with a friend. Share it with your manager. That would be cool. they probably would love that. And if you're struggling with this, if you're struggling with burnout, if any of this has resonated with you and you just need some extra support, click the link below and schedule a no regrets, discovery sessions with me and we'll get on the phone. We'll chat for 20 minutes and I'll see what resources and tools that I can throw your way to get you pointed in the right direction. So my conclusion and my commitment is that exceeding expectations is a powerful mindset that can lead to extraordinary achievements and fulfillment across the dimensions of overall wellbeing and all aspects of life by understanding the psychological underpinnings, embracing practical strategies and maintaining a balanced approach. We can harness this mindset to enhance our wellbeing and success. Remember, while it's important to strive for excellence, it's equally important to take care of yourself and set realistic, achievable goals as you go out every day and default to yes, your extraordinary self.