Overcoming Insecurity: It Matters to Everyone Around You

 Overcoming Insecurity in Leadership: Embrace Growth and Mastery

In this episode, host Juli Reynolds delves into the challenges and impact of insecurity in leadership. Juli explores how insecurities in leaders can profoundly influence their teams and the organizations they run. She distinguishes between justified and unjustified insecurities and introduces the SECURE framework as a tool to overcome these barriers.

Self-awareness
Evaluating insecurities
Cultivating growth
Understanding triggers
Realigning narratives
Engaging support

Using this framework, leaders can transform their insecurities into opportunities for growth. Juli emphasizes the importance of personal development and mastering new skills while addressing deeper emotional narratives. She encourages listeners to embrace their extraordinary selves by continuously working on personal growth and making a positive impact in their communities.

00:00 Welcome and Introduction

00:33 The Importance of Personal Growth

02:46 Challenges in Healthcare Leadership 

04:07 Understanding Insecurity in Leadership

05:28 Manifestations of Insecurity

09:55 Addressing Insecurity

20:46 The SECURE Method

25:10 Conclusion and Encouragement

Transcript

0:59

Hello, I want to welcome your extraordinary self to another week. I am Julie Reynolds, and I'm the host of this podcast. And I'm on the journey with you and I consider it an honor. So thank you for being here and joining in. And if you are somebody who joins in every week, thank you so much for supporting and going on this journey with me. I hope that you will share this episode with your friends and have these discussions and in your community. I hope that something that I say, something that you hear on the, this podcast inspires you to continue on the journey of personal growth and inspiration, because I know that it isn't easy. I was just saying to my accountability group this morning that it is for the times that I'm going through now that are a little more challenging, that, uh, We do the personal growth. It's good for every day and it makes every day a little more meaningful when you apply the mindfulness and notice the beauty around you and we have those things. But there are times when you think everything's going fine and why am I working so hard to take it to the next level? I will say that it's so that your default mode is extraordinary and You default to all these tools that we pick up along the way when we really are intentional about personal growth, because in the hard times, they need to be defaults. And if we're not doing the practice, and we're not, we haven't built the habits, we don't have them in place when things go wrong. All wonky on us, or even in times of just really all out crisis, you want all of those things that are good for you and serve you and help you stay healthy to be the default mode. And that really is what defaulting to extraordinary is all about. Um, creating that default mode, we don't want to become reactionary. We want to be able to respond and stay on track with living the life that we're created for. And that means being able to see beauty in hardship and be able to really navigate change without really throwing our body into a crisis mode. And so thank you for going on this journey with me. I believe more than anything that it is a valuable one, and we sometimes can't see it. So let me remind you that all of the work that you're doing to grow and to develop yourself, to live the life that you're created for, to stay committed to that is so worth it. You need it. We need, we need you to be doing that. The world needs that. And thank you for going on this journey with me. This last week, I was, uh, we spent a lot of time in the hospital setting, and, um, as a nurse, I see things maybe a little differently than I would if I weren't a nurse, and so I know how things should go, and I have questions that maybe, uh, I wouldn't have if I didn't have the background I have. And so having a nurse as a patient can be, or a family member can be a little challenging for the staff if they aren't prepared or aren't secure in what they're doing and addressing insecurity in leadership. By the time I left there, I was trying to figure out what is wrong with, um, the state of healthcare, what really goes on. And I kind of Drew a line all the way back to my interaction with some of the leaders. The nurses are one, are one thing. a topic for another day probably as, as far as the state of nursing is, and nurses being overworked and underpaid. All of that that goes with that. The professionalism, like I said, a topic for another day and probably for, a specific nursing forum. but as I interacted with leadership, I just, I noticed some things that I think, We're directly affecting everyone. So leadership comes with immense responsibility. So if you're a leader in your home or in your community, in your neighborhood, in your workplace, there's a lot of responsibility there. And a lot of leaders, despite their confidence in certain areas, a lot of times are facing deep insecurities. Sometimes those don't have, aren't related to their specific skills. as maybe technical skills, maybe they're more personal skills, regardless, these insecurities can be masked by success and titles and outward charisma even, but they a lot of times are simmering beneath the surface and they influence behaviors and decisions in both subtle and obvious ways. Sometimes we can't always see that it's insecurity at work or what the insecurity that's getting in the way. Because when it's unaddressed, it, insecurity can harm not only that leader, but the people that they lead and the people they serve and the organization as a whole. And I'm not sure that that's what happens sometimes in institutions. It's the insecurity of a leader that creates a culture that is unintentional, but it still creates that culture of fear or, Not transparency, sometimes it creates, a culture of masking because insecurity can manifest in a lot of different ways within leadership. Some leaders exhibit insecurity by micromanaging their teams, fearing that a lack of control will expose their shortcomings. Others might deflect responsibility and downplay contributions or take credit for their team's achievements. You may have experienced one or all of those things when interacting with leaders in some of the more extreme cases. Insecure leaders can become almost bullies to their subordinates. They dominate conversations. They withhold feedback out of fear that others will surpass them. And the thread common to all of these behaviors is that deep seated fear of inadequacy or failure, which leads to the defensive actions that to protect the leader's sense of self worth. Now, for many leaders, insecurity manifests internally, even if it isn't outwardly visible and leaders can privately question their worth or fear of being exposed as imposters. and that comes with anxiety or stress or self doubt the pressure to perform perfectly to allow to always have the right answer or to be everything for everyone can be you. overwhelming. And the irony is that these very traits of leadership, resilience, decisiveness, confidence, are all undermined by these internal battles with insecurity. again, and insecurity doesn't just hurt the leader. It hurts the people. Everyone. Teams that are led by insecure leaders often experience higher levels of stress, lower morale, and reduced innovation. Insecure leaders stifle creativity and because they are afraid that their team's success will diminish their own value. And these are all things that may not be be on the surface, actual thoughts they're thinking. It's that feeling that they have because of the feeling about they have about themselves. So as a result, the team members can feel undervalued or disengaged. And that also leads to higher turnover or poor performance. Now, one of the things that we can deal with in institutions or in work cultures that isn't healthy, that sometimes we can't put our thumb on, we can't figure out what's really going on. Insecurity can, can be a benefit to those who are adept at exploiting it. And I think this goes on and we think that, oh, this is evil, or the people that our leaders are answering to can almost take advantage of that and part of the thing that I'm thinking about and unpacking is that I really need to maybe do some more research on is that insecurity can lead to something that we don't a lot of times talk about, and that's the exploiting of it. Employees who recognize the leader's insecurity may manipulate them by playing to their fears or flattering them to gain favor. I actually have recognized that in some of my thoughts on how to manage or how to deal with leaders that I've had in the past is that I've noticed that, that flattering them. Or just even asking them for help or asking them a question, maybe that I already know the answer to can help me gain favor. And I've seen that as a positive thing, but now I look back and I think it was really exploiting their insecurity. Insecure leaders are more susceptible to this manipulation and that making decisions based on how they perceive others approval rather than on what's best for the organization. And that's when you see, that's what I think we're seeing at work. When you see, when you think your leader is just playing favorites, what they're really doing is being, having their, Insecurity exploited by someone who knows how to get things done and has picked up on some of that insecurity. I think that's what I'm observing and I, like I said, I'm gonna do a little more research and looking into that. But we have to be careful about that. There's a different way we can approach that more authentically, I think, to really get at the root cause or get at the real problem that needs to be solved. Now, insecurity can generally fall into two categories, justified and unjustified. Justified insecurity often arises from that lack of experience or skills or knowledge and leaders facing justified insecurity have a clear path to overcoming it. They can learn and get a mentor and self improvement. For example, a new leader can feel insecure about their ability to manage a large team or handle high stakes decisions. And I see this all the time in newer entrepreneurs. a lot of times we will label this we have imposter syndrome and whatever that means to us when, what we could do instead is put it in. the container of mastery. Mastery has different levels, right? And so in this case, insecurity is a signal that we need more skills or practice or guidance. With time and the right support, this insecurity can be resolved. Then it's not really, I'm insecure or I have imposter syndrome. It's more just, I'm on it. I'm taking on a new level and I've got lessons to learn and I need to get support and I need to dive into the skills and really focus in on what skill I need to build to make the right decision. This next level of mastery happen and mastery of takes time. And sometimes in our culture, we are, you see, I will say in nursing, a lot of times there are new nurses taking on leadership positions when they barely got their feet on the ground as a skilled nurse in their practice. So they're leading other nurses. that maybe have more skills than they do or more experience. And I think there just needs to be more authentic conversations around this and more intentional learning, more intentional spaces to allow for mastery. And that I think in our culture, we've kind of let some of that go, uh, for a lot of different reasons. And. So that's justified insecurity. When you're taking on a new level of mastery, you of course are going to have some feelings of insecurity or feelings of uncertainty. And that really is just, like I said, a signal. What skill do you need to, to focus in on? What do you need more practice on? What do you need a mentor in? What do you need to get a coach for? They're all of those things. Those are totally solvable things. And you just need to We need to give ourselves time and space to take on that new level of mastery. Now, there's unjustified insecurity, on the other hand, that's rooted in that false narrative that the leader can tell themselves. And this isn't only leaders, obviously, because we're all leaders in some capacity, right? If you are leaning into personal growth, it's probably because you are really, really, really really wanting to make an impact, which makes you a leader. And regardless, we're leaders in our families or in our friends circles. So I'm saying leader, I'm talking about you. All right. So I'm talking, I'm just really asking all of us to really evaluate, um, where insecurity steps in. Now this all, like I said, came is my, I'm really having way too much time to think about what is the problem here in this institution. What is going wrong with this, this interaction I'm having with the healthcare team and really coming back to, I think a lot of it might have a sub root in, in security of leaders and where do we, where can we change this culture? and I also recently had a conversation with a leader that, was dealing with some insecurity and, and talking to her and just really sorting out justified, unjustified, and, really sorting out how that affects, Everybody and seeing how that plays out anyway, unjustified security, like I said, it's based on a story that we tell ourselves. It's not based on actual deficiencies, but on limiting beliefs or emotional baggage. We might feel, uh, leaders might feel like they are not good enough or fear that they don't deserve their position despite ample evidence to the contrary. That form of insecurity can be harder to tackle because it isn't about the lack of capability. It's challenging those internal narratives and the self perceptions. That is what a coach is for. That is what therapy is for, of course, but I think, I think coaching steps in there even more so. So if you, if that is you, you might want to schedule a chat with me and just see what resources are available to really get at some of the, where those thoughts are coming from, and how we replace those thoughts, how you get yourself free from those internal narratives and those self perceptions that may be taking root. For unjustified security leaders need to sit with these feelings and explore where they originate. This can be done in self coaching. It takes a whole lot longer. But if you're, if that's you, if you don't are ready to make an investment in coaching and that's not where you are, get a journal. a journal is a power tool for self coaching. So get your journal out and do some reflection? Have some honest conversations with yourself. Uh, just do a thought dump and see what's in there. Another way to approach this would be just honest conversations with mentors. So it's just really essential to recognize that this type of insecurity will not be fixed by acquiring more skills or achievements because the problem is deeper. You may already have all the skills and achievements And I see this over and over again. I see nurses that are actually dealing with insecurity going to more, I'll just take another course. I will master another skill. I'll get another certification. And they do all of these things and just pile on the skills and pile on the achievements. And it doesn't give them a different outcome because the internal, that insecurity is still there. Those different, that narrative is still playing. So that would be where. Like I said, get a journal, get a coach, have a talk to your mentor, a trusted friend somewhere you can flush all that out so that you can actually see what your brain is creating there for you to work with and replace those false narratives. it can be done quicker and easier than you think in just even a short period of coaching. Coaching doesn't have to be for a lifetime. Coaching can be a very short period of time to get at what is going on there, um, and how to replace that. Like I said, that narrative. so let's talk about what science says about this, because research has shown that insecurity is often tied to low self esteem, and this can have really profound effects on decision making and your, and interpersonal relationships. according to studies on imposter syndrome, many high achievers feel as like they're frauds attributing to their success. And they attribute their success to luck or external factors rather than their own competence. I've heard some say, I just happen to be at the right place at the right time. I've heard some say, I don't know really how it happened. It just did. And here I am. And not keep, I, Don't think I have what it takes to do this job. The cognitive behavioral therapy techniques such as reframing negative thought patterns and practicing self compassion are the things that have been shown to reduce feelings of insecurity and boost confidence in leadership roles. one of the techniques that I use in my practice, in aromacognition I've seen a lot of powerful results. And I can attest to that, just taking people through some of that aromacognitive process to help reframe the negative thought patterns and condition their brain to really take hold of a new narrative. and then there's neuroscience that reveals that leaders under chronic stress, often linked to insecurities, experience changes in brain function. Chronic insecurity activates the amygdala and the brain, that's the brain's fear center, which can impair decision making and creativity. And that's when you see leaders get stagnant in their ability to think outside of the box or to solve a problem. Um, They end up solving problems that are handed to them by those that they answer to. And they're not really sure what the problem is. They stop asking what the problem is. They just want to, they're going to just create that action plan and show the people that they answer to that they are on this, even if they don't understand it. The leaders who feel secure on the other hand, are more likely to engage the prefrontal cortex. And that's responsible for that higher order of thinking, problem solving and emotional regulation. All of those things allow them to be transparent with the people they are leading, the people they are serving because that security is there. And then they can bring, they can draw from the creativity of their teams. They're able to problem solve a little bit better and create their own way of getting, um, to solutions. And that is a beautiful thing to think about. to, to see. So you can see how in, in healthcare, or really any institution, how valuable it is for leaders to resolve that insecurity thing so that they can lead powerfully and empower and their teams can be engaged and they, we can all work together. As we are meant to, I'm going to share a little framework for addressing insecurity. if this is something that applies to you or something that you want to teach your teams, because maybe you see, maybe you're leaving people that you are having a hard time getting at their creativity or getting them engaged. It might be that what you're seeing from them is more engaging. And in security, maybe this is something that you can share with them to just keep in front of them or things that, that can help you create good questions to ask your team. If you're leading someone and you're recognizing that, insecurity is at play, and you're having a hard time getting past it. Maybe this will help you come up with good questions or way to address those things without being confrontational or without it feeling too in their face. So to help leaders overcome insecurity, we can use the secure method. And that's a simple, measurable framework that guides leaders towards healthier and more confident leadership. So the one self awareness, acknowledging insecurities, giving time to reflect on thoughts and behaviors. Are they helping or hindering your leadership? And just really asking some good questions about how things are going. How are you feeling? How, what are you noticing in your body that, and what, what is going well, what is not going well? What would it look like to have a different thought? What is the thought that you'd like to go into a certain situations with? So self awareness and then evaluate, distinguish between justified and unjustified insecurities. That is your insecurity based on lack of skill, or are you telling yourself a story that isn't true? Cultivating growth. So self awareness. Evaluate, cultivate growth, and that's for justified insecurity. That's going to be investing in your development, seeking, getting a mentor or a coach, taking courses or reading a book to improve a skillset and then understanding triggers. Identify the situations or the people that trigger the feelings of insecurity and then explore why those moments make you feel inadequate. So what that might look like is that if you are experiencing those feelings of insecurity, Get out your journal, keep, maybe you have one on your phone, and just write down what you're feeling in your body and what's, the circumstances. You could start there. If you don't have time, it's really important, probably in the moment to write down specific circumstance facts. So get your facts and your observations down on paper, and then you can go back and really look at them. What was really triggering those feelings, uh, explore those moments. Then realign your narrative. Ask yourself what kind of thought that you want to have for unjustified insecurity, challenge the stories that you're telling yourself. Are they factual? And then reframe those thoughts and focus on your strengths. And that's really what we do in coaching. If you want to experience that, just click down below and schedule a discovery session with me. We'll talk a little bit about it. I'll give you some resources and, uh, we can unpack some of that and see if we can't get you like honed in on what it is that you're dealing with so that you can, you know, Really reframe and reshape the thoughts and the focus, and then start to focus on your strengths. And that plays into 6E, engage, support, We don't have to tackle insecurity alone. It gets really muddy when you do, because you have all of this. Your brain is trying to protect you and keep you safe. So your brain will tell you stories. Your brain will create anxieties. to steer you away. All of those things when you, when the amygdala engages, we almost can't trust our brains anymore because really trying to keep us safe and same is safe. Change and growth are not safe to the brain, which is unfortunate, but knowing that we can, we can tackle that. So that's why I say don't tackle insecurity alone, surround yourself with trusted advisors, peers, or coaches that can provide honest feedback and encouragement. so that's self awareness, evaluate, cultivate growth. Understand triggers, realign narrative, your narrative and engage support. That's the secure method of dealing with insecurity. I will put that in the show notes so that if you're driving right now and listening to this, you don't have to have written it all down. It'll be in the notes below, just scroll down below and then let me know what you, what you're thinking. Well, how are you using this? I'd love to hear from you. So if this was helpful, share this episode with a peer and have that conversation. Maybe set up an accountability partner for dealing with insecurities. It doesn't have to be one of your coworkers, but maybe, you know, somebody that you can trust that you can really unpack this with. So do that. That would be an awesome way to really approach this as well. So in wrapping all of this up, insecurity in leadership is more common than we think. And while some insecurities are justified and can be overcome through skill development and mentorship, others are rooted in deeper emotional narratives. But by applying the SECURE framework, We can transform insecurity from a hindrance into an opportunity for growth and deeper self understanding. in doing that, leaders can not only improve their own leadership, but also create a healthier, more supportive environment for those they lead. And that will spill over into all areas of life, into your home and friendships and into community. So it really does matter that we. Unpack this and that we embrace this and that we transform any levels of insecurity that we have and take advantage of and really embrace that growth and really embrace our opportunity here I know that you have a desire to make an impact and to live the life that you were created for. I believe in you and I know that leadership comes with insecurities along the way. And they come from out of nowhere sometimes and embracing any of those obstacles at that can stop you in your tracks. Those are opportunities and embracing those opportunities is what makes you extraordinary. You are here because you value personal growth and you want to live the life that you're created for and make that impact. you are here because you want to show up in the world powerfully and I applaud you for that and I encourage you just to keep embracing those opportunities for growth as you go out every day and default to yes, your extraordinary self.