Why not? Why not you? Why not now?

In this episode, we are bringing to light the obstacles and misconceptions that hold us back from pursuing our dreams. Through personal anecdotes and expert insights from neuroscience and psychology, we look at common excuses like lack of time, age, and money, and how to overcome them with a shift in mindset. The episode highlights the importance of setting meaningful goals, taking small actionable steps, and finding a support system. 

00:00 Introduction and Setting the Stage

01:15 Understanding the Obstacles

03:03 Common Excuses and Misconceptions

05:53 Overcoming Barriers and Misconceptions

10:13 The Psychology of a Centered Pursuit

16:23 Taking Action and Staying Motivated

As we gear up for 2025, you are invited to  join a community aimed at turning dreams into reality, emphasizing that the journey is as important as the destination. So, why not you? Why not now?

Transcript

0:59

Welcome to another extraordinary week. I am so honored to be on this journey with you. Thank you for tuning in and going on this journey with me that I want to ask you a question today, because I have a lot of conversations and I'm sure you do too with your friends about why we want something, or maybe we know what we want and, or there is something that we want and we. Just don't go after it or we go after it for a little while and we just never quite make it there Maybe it comes up a lot with weight loss We lose a little bit of weight and just can't sustain the change or can't sustain the new habits And I think that is probably the biggest thing is that habits get us what we want Strategies get us what we want wishing and hoping not necessarily So that's That is something that is at the heart of this conversation that I want to have today because it's a little mysterious. We know what to do when we set a goal to exercise more or lose weight or go on a trip or plan a trip, save money, um, start a business, write a book, uh, take up a hobby. We know what to do. Then why we don't do it. There's a better question that I want us to be asking ourselves as far as our obstacles. Years ago, I went back to school and at the time, it didn't really make sense. It didn't really change my job to go back to school to get that degree. Didn't make sense. It wasn't going to earn me any more money. It wasn't going to necessarily it wasn't going to make my job any different. So why would I do that? Why would I do it Then, because I'd already been practicing nursing for a really long time. And like I said, it wasn't going to make a difference in my job or in my pay or so I thought in my opportunities, but what happened was it really did change everything. It opened me up to new opportunities. It opened my mind up to things that I didn't know that I didn't know. And it made me feel a little more capable and it put me in a better place. A different arena with different opportunities that Other people would consider me for because they knew I had this degree. So instead of asking why or why should I do that or listening to the voices of why it shouldn't be you and why it shouldn't be now and why you should do it at all. Let's ask ourselves, what if we asked ourselves, why not me? Why not now? Maybe it's that fleeting thought that you scrolled past someone else's success story, or you sat quietly wondering if your dreams are too far fetched or too late or too much. Many of us are held back for by excuses or barriers or even misconceptions about about pursuing the dream, but experts in neuroscience and psychology agree that achieving what you want in life is not only possible, but can be done in a way that keeps you centered and at ease. So I want to talk about some common excuses, some common things that come up that hold us back. And then I also want to talk about some misperceptions that we have about pursuing our dreams. Now when faced with an opportunity to go after what we truly want, we, a lot of times will come up with excuses. Even if we don't articulate them, they're running sometimes in the background. One of them is, I'm too busy. Life can feel really overwhelming, and the idea of carving out time for a new pursuit can seem impossible or can seem, you know, Maybe take the fun out of pursuing something new. When are you going to find the time you're going to have to say no to something else to be able to say yes to what you really want. And so I'm too busy is one of those things that comes up now. I'm too old or too young. Maybe it might be possible as well, but I'm too old is another thing that comes up in conversations because I'm in that. I'm in that season of life where we start to think that it's silly to go back to school. It would be silly to course correct. It would be silly to change careers. Age becomes that self imposed barrier with fears of being too late. Or if you're thinking you're too young, then it might be like the, you're not ready for this thing that you want to do. But I would say for me, most of the people that I engage with are thinking It's too late. I'm too old. I can't go back to school. I remember being in nursing school with people that were a lot older than me and starting out for the very first time. They were just starting their second career. And I have such admiration for people who have the courage to do that and pursue their dreams. And I guess I'm going to say that if you're capable and physically capable, and probably if you're listening to me, you're not too old for anything that you really want. Now, I don't have enough money is another one. Uh, financial concerns are definitely a common excuse or a common barrier to what we really want. Though a lot of the dreams don't require as much as we think, we could always start somewhere. We could get started and then figure that out. One of the things that I want to do in 2025 is I want to go on an international trip. And for two of us to go on an international trip. I don't know where that money is coming from. And so we're going to have to save it or generate some revenue for that trip. And I even asked ISG, I'm like, how do you envision saving this money for this trip? And he didn't have any answers either. So I don't have enough money is a definite barrier, but I think it's overcomable as well. It's just really about what you really want and how it's going to come to values. The other. obstacle is what if I fail? That fear of failure can loom large over any potential joy of that we have of succeeding. And that is why experts will tell us that our vision needs to be bigger than our problems and our barriers. And so we, that's all in working it too. But what if you do fail? What if you don't make it happen? Really ask yourself, what if you fail? What if you fail? Another barrier is just feeling that selfish to focus on yourself, especially for women, there are some still some societal expectations and family obligations that can make prioritizing our dreams feel indulgent. So especially when those dreams don't necessarily include our family or don't align with the expectations that we have, or those that I remember having a conversation with, with, with my coaching group and, and, and. The revelation was slowly revealing itself that we had in the room, we had, there were some expectations that we felt from others that. we weren't even sure if they were true. So it's selfish to focus on myself. It's a, it's another barrier. It might be playing in your soundtrack. So these excuses can seem valid, all of them on the surface. And I'm not going to say that they're not, they are barriers, but neuroscience reveals that They are often driven by fear and not reality. The brain's amygdala, the part responsible for processing fear, interprets change as a threat, triggering that self protective thoughts like, it's too risky or I'm not ready. Those are the thoughts that your amygdala might be triggering for you, that if you take a step back and put some thought into it, we could see our way around those barriers and make it happen. So, On that note, there's also some misperceptions or conceptions about pursuing your dreams. I like to strive for things. I like to always be feeling I'm taking action and I'm just wired up that way, but not everyone is, but I also see the value in being at ease and not as striving as A way of proving yourself. And I think that's a really fine line, especially if you are someone who grew up with some expectations or created them yourself, whatever, however they came from, you have really big expectations for yourself. It may be unrealistic or perfectionistic expectations. Maybe you feel like you always need to succeed and never fail. And you need to have this perfect picture that is created. By culture, by your parents, by your peers, wherever it came from, it doesn't really matter as much as that it's acknowledging, first of all, that it's there. And so, whether you like the term striver or however that makes you feel, if it empowers you, great. If not, my point is that beyond all of those barriers, there are some myths. about what it takes to achieve meaningful goals. Yes, we have to work hard if we are going to get something. If we're going to, um, master a skill. If we're going to change, be successful in our career. If we want to plant a garden. If we want to have a nice yard. We're going to have to work for all of that. There's, I don't think that we have a problem with hard work. It's all Overwork or the mindset of perfectionism assigned to that work that I think in especially nowadays in our culture, it's become popular to, to downplay that and to avoid it. Obviously, we are going to avoid painful things and change and hard work doesn't sound like pain. fun, unless it is when that hard work knocks you off your balance or off your center, that's when it's not healthy. But I don't think that even if you are somebody who says that all sounds way too hard, you're probably not somebody, especially if you're listening to this podcast, you're probably not somebody who avoids work altogether or has a mindset of, I don't want to work hard. just don't want to work hard at things that don't sound good. fun and don't get you the things that you really want. So first of all, that misconception about pursuing a dream and what, what keeps us from even going there or allowing ourselves to dream is that I need to hustle 24 seven, the belief that success requires relentless striving and that leads to burnout. Before you even begin, that's a mindset that we have and maybe a cultural expectation that I have to be a workaholic if I'm going to be super successful. And I think that a lot of times we are promised. ease along the way to get something big. Marketing sets us up to look for easy and quick. And if it's not easy and quick, then we tend to shy away from it. And I think that's also why when we buy into, Oh, this is going to be really great. And it's going to be easy and quick. Whether it's a weight loss strategy or a online business strategy, whatever it is that people are selling that easy and quick, it doesn't really exist. Not for the things that we really want, not for good relationships, not for good, strong marriages, not for parenting, not for keep taking care of our bodies. Easy and quick is not. It's not reality. And again, I don't think you shy away from hard work. I think that we shy away from hard work that leads to burnout. And I need to hustle 24 seven is not a thing. I have to wait for the right moment is also not a thing. Many people assume that they need that perfect circumstances, but waiting often leads to that endless procrastination. If you wait until you feel better, if you wait until your kids are grown, if you wait until you have all of the money in the bank, if you wait until your health is perfect, you are at the perfect weight, if you wait on the weight, you're never going to start and or you're going it's going to be too late. eventually, and maybe that you won't have the opportunity to do the thing that you want to do. So I know that we've said a lot, it's never too late, but it's never too late to get started. And it's not, it's not too late to think about what you want, and it's not too late to live the life you're created for. It's never too late to live the life you're created for the circumstances and the things you do in that place will change over time and will change based on your health and your age and your physical capabilities. That's true. But overall, you still, we still have a lot of choices. Now, the other thing, another misconception is that you need to be completely ready. That idea of needing all the knowledge and skills, all the resources up front. That just creates unnecessary delays. So now we're going to go back to our questions of why not, and why not you, and why not now? Research shows that deferring dreams or suppressing aspirations can negatively affect mental health. And psychologist Dr. Gail Matthews found that people who don't articulate or act on their goals often feel stuck, which can lead to those feelings of frustration. and regret, or even depression over time. Neuroscience studies highlight the power of goal setting in activating the dopamine reward system. And so when you set a meaningful goal and take even a small step towards it, your brain releases dopamine, that feel good chemical that motivates you to get started and to get going. And to continue on. That's positive reinforcement that not only builds momentum, but it also strengthens neural pathways that help you stay focused. So your brain will cooperate with you in the way that you want to show up if you train it to do so. Like I said, those barriers are real, but they're not insurmountable. So I'm not going to sugarcoat it here. Those real life barriers do exist. Time, money, responsibility. They're all valid challenges, but research suggests that shifting your mindset can help you reframe the obstacles. You might be familiar with Dr. Carol Dweck's work on growth mindset, and that she shows us that people who view challenges as opportunities can learn and grow. And they're far more likely to succeed than those who view them as insurmountable blocks. For example, instead of thinking, I don't have time, we could ask, what small step can I take today? Instead of, I don't have enough money, explore low cost of freeways. To get started and get that ball rolling, explore easy or ways that to generate the revenue. So this is all about the psychology of a centered pursuit. So achieving your dreams doesn't have to mean striving, stressing, or sacrificing your overall wellbeing. Psychologists Neff, a leading expert on self compassion, she would say that being kind to yourself along the journey is really critical. And I agree with that. We want to be at ease and we want to be centered. And I think there's a way to do that, that we, where we can stay aligned, approaching our goals with curiosity and care, not harsh criticism, not perfectionism, just to make progress and to, again, strive to live the life that we are created for. That's the way we keep ourselves centered and resilient. And mindfulness experts have taught us that living in the present moment, and that emphasizes the importance of taking inspired action without being consumed by the outcome. And that is really key, is that we can pursue something for the sake of the, for the sake of the dream, for the sake of the calling or the mission, and let go of the outcome or how it turns out. And that's where we're going to be able to stay centered and balanced and aligned. As we go after what we really want. Now that's a mindset that not only reduces stress, but it also allows us to really savor the process or enjoy the journey. So how do we start without stress? First of all, define what you really want. We have to clarify our goals in a way that feels authentic. Neuroscience shows us that aligning with goals and values activates that brain's motivation center. It makes it easier to stay committed. If your brain believes that you. you can do it or believes you will do it or cares about it and sees evidence that you do, that it's, it is something that is aligned with everything else. And so really getting clear on your goals is first. the first thing that to do is knowing what you want and why you want it, and then taking micro steps. So breaking that dream into the smallest possible steps. So research on behavioral activation shows that even tiny actions can create that snowball effect, that compound effect where you just get started and one thing leads to another. And pretty soon you're experiencing the thing that you Never thought you would or the thing that you have been waiting forever and you'll fight and all of a sudden it's here and then embracing imperfection. Remember that progress matters more than perfection. Brene Brown reminds us that vulnerability and imperfection are key ingredients to courage and growth and that it's okay to start out. And maybe never get the outcome that you said that you would get as long as you're enjoying the journey and you're making that impact along the way. So not losing yourself in the pursuit of the outcome, but by having that strategy and going on the journey, my GPS is set to the headspace voice. And a lot of times it'll lead me all to all the way to my destination. I pull in the drive and my GPS will say, take a deep. Breath and acknowledge that I've arrived at my destination, but wasn't it really about the journey? And that is so true. And that reminds me also to enjoy my journey. overall as well. And then of course, finding your support system. So surround yourself with people who believe in your dreams. Studies confirm that support that a social support enhances resilience and accountability. And I can't say enough about accountability. I know that when I go after my goals, I will let myself off the hook. My brain will work with me. really hard at showing me evidence that I'm never going to get there anyway, or it doesn't matter today, I could do it tomorrow. And that accountability, knowing that someone else knows that I'm not going to, that I didn't do what I said I was going to do, or somebody else is rooting for me. Those things are those, that accountability. is invaluable. I love knowing that somebody's cheering me on or is going to be there to celebrate when I get to the destination or when I get that next goal. And not the big goal necessarily, but every step along the way, I have someone to celebrate. And that is so fun to do with other people too. So, so why not? Why not you? Why not now? As you reflect on your dreams, consider this. The people that you admire, the ones that are living the lives you aspire to, are no different than you. They had doubts, faced the barriers, and started with small and perfect steps. We don't always get to see those small and perfect steps. We hear about them in their books or on the, in their keynote speeches, and, but it's all put together with them. The outcome, we can see that so that those small imperfect steps seem so worth it when they're weighed against, look what they're doing now, more so than when we're taking those small and perfect steps and you can't see the bigger picture. So the real question then is why not you? Why not? You have the ability to rewrite your story of your life starting today. And not even just rewrite your story, but continue the story. So not let it just drift off and we, those endings that you go, I need to make up an ending because I'm not satisfied with how the story ended, whether you get it in the book or the movie, those cliffhangers. Don't leave yourself a cliffhanger on what is going to happen or just drift off to it ends right here. You have the ability to write or rewrite the story of your life. Starting today. So why not now? There'll never be a perfect time, but there's always this moment. We always have the present. We don't have the past. That's done. We don't have the present because we can't control it. But what we have is right now. So I'm going to encourage you to step forward. Not with stress, but with intention. Because the path of your dreams doesn't require striving. It invites you to show up one centered step forward. At a time. All right. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to share it with someone who needs to hear this message. And while you're here, let me tell you something. exciting that's happening in 2025, something that I had been working on making happen. And that is having a community come together to finally do that thing that we've all been meaning to do. Now, maybe it's taking a dream trip, learning a skill, losing weight, taking up a hobby. Maybe it's reconnecting with someone you love, getting better at communication or relationships, or maybe it's just following through on that quiet whisper that says now is the time. So here's the thing. I know you already know what to do. If you know what you want, you know what you need to do or what needs to happen and make that possible. But if you're like most of us, again, the mystery lies in why we don't do it. And there, that's where investing in yourself can make all the difference. Keeping your energy high, your purpose clear, your obstacles movable. Sometimes all it takes is that little bit of accountability. In this community that we have in 2025, we're going to flip the script on peer pressure, and it's not about comparison. It's about empowerment. And together we're going to support each other in showing up for the life that we've been dreaming about the life that you are created for. And if that sounds like what you've been waiting for, stay tuned. I'd love for you to join us in this journey. Uh, let's make 2025 a year that we stop wondering why not me and start Again, step forward, not with stress, but with intention. The path to your dreams doesn't require striving. It requires you to show up one centered step at a time as you get up every day and default to yes, your extraordinary self.