The Jigsaw Principle: Non-negotiables For Getting What You Want

 Embracing Non-Negotiables for Lasting Change: A Strategy for 2025

As we step into a new year, many of us find ourselves setting goals and resolutions to make this year even better than the last. Yet, the media often highlights our collective struggles to stick with these resolutions. We've all heard the discouraging statistics: new gym memberships that go unused, weight loss goals that fizzle out by February, and aspirations that crumble once the novelty of the new year wears off.

Despite these challenges, what if I told you that there is a way to enhance your overall well-being by just 1 percent each month? In my experience, setting monthly non-negotiables and sharing them with an accountability group can foster consistency and create a streak of success. I call this approach the "Jigsaw Puzzle Principle" because it originated for me in the very unintentional habit that I formed around having to complete a puzzle before I could go to bed every day- like the day wasn't complete until I did (which wasn't true, but it sure felt that way). This revealed to me the power of non-negotiables and community/accountability, along with what we know about triggers and rewards. 

Creating Habits with Consistency

Habits are the small, consistent actions that form the bedrock of our lives. Although most of us understand the importance of good habits, maintaining them long enough to effect real change is where many stumble. This is where the concept of non-negotiables shines. Much like brushing your teeth, non-negotiables are commitments you make with yourself that permit no variance. These commitments are the anchors of habit formation—integral parts of your life that you do daily without hesitation.

The Neuroscience of Non-Negotiables

Our brains love patterns and reward consistency. By making a habit non-negotiable, you engage your brain's systems that solidify habit formation. Here's the science behind it:

• Cue Recognition 
• Reward Pathways 
• Strengthened Neural Pathways 

Accountability and Community

Creating habits is easier when you have support. Whether through a coach, accountability partner, or a group, sharing your non-negotiables with others adds an extra layer of commitment. You can also set the terms for how you want to be held accountable, allowing for encouragement and check-ins when needed.

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Transcript

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Welcome to another extraordinary week. and we are at the beginning of a new year, and so you might have new goals or new dreams or things you want to make happen in 2025, and that's completely normal. Now there, I will say there's probably also a lot of you that don't set goals or resolutions because they don't Have been telling us in the media for a long time, the percentages aren't good for us sticking to our goals that we set at the new year. We joined a gym and don't go. We set a weight loss goal and we don't do it. We have all of these things, these notions that when we change over into a brand new year that we have this clean slate, we can do some of the things that we want to do. Didn't do before we hit the reset button and go forward and then it gets the newness wears off. It gets hard and we stop or we keep going for maybe a couple of months. And then for some reason, even though we're feeling really good and it's working, we stop. And all of that has to do a lot with goal or habit formation and mastery what if we could looking at overall well being if each area could get 1 percent better every month. So I set some non negotiables for every month in those areas. And then with my accountability group, we are we designate Maybe three things that we will do this week, every day, and then we share at the end of the day that we got it done and try to create that streak. Now, for me, I learned this. I was calling it the jigsaw puzzle principle. I've learned that if I do something with this, Other people for a while that I will eventually create a streak. And if I create a streak, I'm not going to want to break it and be less likely to let that thing go because I have a streak going. I've set myself 30. 30 days with these non negotiables. And so once you get into, it's like that game that you'd play one of those games that you'd play where you toss something back and forth and you count and you want to get to a certain time, certain place, and you have to start over if you drop the ball. It's that thing when you create those streaks, if I drop the ball, I've got to start all over. And I know that's not real, like there's nothing going to happen to me if that happens. But it's the way my brain thinks. And I started thinking about this and I say the jigsaw puzzle principle, because at one point it was probably a couple of years ago, actually, I discovered that my dad was doing jigsaw puzzles online and he was using a certain app. And so I started doing those puzzles with him. So every day I would complete these puzzles. And for me, The puzzles were interesting and I thought good for my brain and something to do if I'm waiting in line or if I'm in, just need to do something mindless, a little bit mindless, that's still good for my brain. But my dad was doing it too. So I felt I was doing something with him as well. And so we would occasionally share the puzzles that we'd completed. I don't think my dad is doing those puzzles anymore, but I'm still doing them every day. And I have this thing that I almost can't go to bed at night without getting them done. And sometimes they take a little bit to complete. And So I will stay up late sometimes past when I should really not be in front of a screen and doing these puzzles because something in me just says I can't go to bed until this puzzle is done. It's like it's incomplete. Now, I have made myself go to sleep or put the phone down and go to sleep. shut things down a little bit. I've had to make myself do that by convincing myself that nothing is going to happen. if I don't finish that puzzle. I'll just finish it tomorrow. So regardless, somewhere in my brain, this habit formed and it like brushing your teeth, you don't Go to bed without brushing your teeth. You don't head out the door without brushing your teeth. It just doesn't feel right. And so that's what I wanted to do with some of these habits that I wanted to form. So habits are really just small, consistent actions that shape our lives. They're foundations of who we become, what we achieve and how we live. But while most of us again, know the importance of good habits, we all struggle to stick with them long enough to see any real meaningful change. Is where non negotiables come in this jigsaw puzzle principle. It's a powerful strategy to build and sustain habits that last. Non negotiables are commitments that you make with yourself that leave no room for negotiation. They're those actions that you decide that are so important that they happen no matter what. again, like brushing your teeth. It's not really up for debate. You do it daily because it's ingrained as a non negotiable part of your life. You want to have healthy teeth. You want to have good smelling breath. You want to have good, and we even feel that the way it feels just doesn't feel right unless we do it. So by adopting this mindset with other habits, you can create that lasting change with. ease and consistency. Now there's some neuroscience behind non negotiables, because when you make something non negotiable, you engage specific systems in your brain that solidify habit formation. Your brain loves patterns and rewards consistency. So here's what happens neurobiologically. So you have the cue recognition, and that's that habit loop that begins with a cue or a trigger, something in your environment that signals it's time to take action. And when that behavior is non negotiable, your brain quickly associates specific cues with that habit. For example, if you place your workout clothes on your bed at night, And they can become the cue for exercising in the morning. these are very personal to you. So whatever is going to cue you to do this. I actually made walking my non negotiable in January. I put a streak count on my phone on my home screen so that when I open my phone, I see that, that cue. I see that there's either that the streak has been maintained today, or I'm going to about to drop the ball. So I see that and it immediately, cues me to seek that reward. Now reward pathways, that's when your brain releases that dopamine or that reward neurotransmitter when you complete a habit. So making a habit non negotiable ensures that you will experience a reward consistently reinforcing the behavior and creating a craving for the action over time. I love my streaks. And so every time I check one of those, boxes, it creates that little bit of just satisfaction that I'm doing what I said I was going to do. I'm keeping my word to myself. And that's so important. And it's teaching my brain that I am reliable. And so when I now, when I set another goal, I'm more likely to believe that I'll actually accomplish it. So it builds on itself as well. I Strongly encourage doing one at a time and then letting them build on each other too, because I think that helps us as well. So don't overwhelm yourself with 10 things that you have to do. Just pick one. And I've actually, for the first time, I did this last year and I'm a little better at it this year now is to map out the year and say, this is what I'm going to do. It requires a little patience. And what I'm finding is that as I, I'm walking in January is my non negotiable. And I automatically do some of the other things as well. But I'm not tracking them and rewarding myself and really working on that habit necessarily, like intentionally tracking just to give myself some space to really get this one thing down. Okay. So we've got cue recognition and reward pathways, and then those strengthened neural pathways, repeating that non negotiable habit strengthens the neural connections associated with that behavior. And I've learned this over the years with developing the aromacognition technique that we can develop anchors for helping us with. This strategy. So over time, these pathways become so strong that the action starts to feel automatic, like brushing your teeth or tying your shoes, doing some of those things that we just do automatically and don't have to think about it. And this is where we really want to get with our habits, right? So that you're just doing things without thinking. And that brings that ease. Now, there are some things that we have to pay attention to at that point as well, because this is where we forget to do those things. They become so automatic that something interrupts that pattern. And then we, that habit falls off and we don't even notice it. So we need to do some things that are going to also maintain that. make it sustainable. But right now we're just developing the habit, right? And understanding how our brain works. When I'm talking about aroma cognition, we're anchoring our thoughts at a certain time or around a certain habit or around a certain character or what, how we're becoming a goal of a thought that we want to have with an aroma so that we, when we encounter that aroma, it automatically triggers the thought as well. And so we're really just embedding that into who we are and how we. Show up in the world. So reducing decision fatigue is part of that as well. So when something is non negotiable, you bypass the mental debate of whether you're going to act or not. So the weather is iffy today and it's gonna, it's supposed to rain and get gross and not exactly walking weather. And I really like to walk outside more than I like to walk on a treadmill. But. At a certain point, my husband mentioned to me that it was going to start raining pretty soon. And did I want to walk? And I just, it wasn't a decision because I knew I had to do it sometime. This is the best time to do it. So let's go and just get it done. It wasn't a matter of if I was going to do it, it was just a matter of when. so again, it wasn't a debate on whether we're going to go or not. But when, and that made it easier it just conserves that cognitive energy and just makes it easier to stay consistent as well. So that's what's going on a surface level anyway with our brain as we do these things. And so for me, it's helpful to recognize so that I can develop and tweak strategies based on those. Do I need to change the trigger? Do I need to change the reward pathway? Do I need to give attention to some of that strengthening and reducing decision fatigue? Did I leave too much room? And that's why I like non negotiables, because they don't leave room for that decision fatigue, I don't have to decide that I'm going to do it it's amazing to me how much better that feels and how much energy that really does conserve. All right. I want to talk about something that actually comes up in coaching a lot, because habits begin with a single thought. For example, we think I should eat healthier. I should move more. I should be, I should exercise more. And that might spark a weave of emotions like that all tie into motivation or doubt. And these emotions influence your behavior. depending on your thought, you are going to plan meals resist unhealthy snacks, or on the other hand, you're going to maybe give up before you start, depending on what your thought is about that behavior. And sometimes we don't actually know what our thought is. And then your behavior in turn leads to that outcome, that either reinforces or undermines that original thought. So we're not negotiables come in, it just interrupts that sequence by removing the uncertainty. Instead of relying on fleeting motivation or willpower, the emotions that come from thoughts that are embedded about maybe what about whether it's hard or you don't like it or you are, it's not going to matter anyway. All the thoughts that you might have and the emotions that come up with it, the non negotiables interrupt that sequence, removing the uncertainty. And then instead of that, And then again, instead of fleeting motivation or willpower, you've already decided, and this is what I'm going to do. And over time, that repeated behavior reshapes your thought and the emotions and the identity. You stop thinking, I want to exercise and you embody, I am someone who exercises. And that thought begins to change about whether you can succeed or not as well, because you've taken that. Option off the table. You are going to do this and that is going to give you the outcome. And then we can then you have also, then you have room to, if this wasn't giving you the outcome that you need, you just change the behavior. It's not about failure. And it's not about. About whether of effectiveness or energy or motivation. It's not about any of those things anymore. So the difference between habits like brushing your teeth or newer habits that you're trying to form is really the deliberate creation of cues and triggers and rewards. So here's how you set up a non negotiable for success. First of all, the cues identify the triggers that remind you to act. So you're to set an alarm, maybe for your morning meditation, or place a water bottle on your desk to encourage you to hide to hydrate. A lot of I have a lot of friends who have those water bottles that have measures, or you have a certain 42 ounce water bottle that you know that you're going to refill once during the day. And that's going to give you that amount of water that you need, but just make it easy and identify those triggers that remind you to take action. And then. Or the cues, sorry, then the trigger, you can use environmental or emotional prompts that signal your habit. So a messy kitchen, for example, will trigger a five minute cleanup routine, a stress or stress. Reminds you to take a deep breath. Those are triggers that happen normally. So what if we set up triggers that things that we see in our environment that remind us to do things supplements by the coffee pot always tell people to put your essential oils where you will use them. So the essential oils by your bedside or what you're going to use in the morning in the bathroom where you're going to, where you brush your teeth or when you're going to, when you take a shower. I know I have my eucalyptus sitting on the, on my bathroom counter. So I know I'm going to add it to my shower Putting my lavender at my bedside is going to help me remember to use that to help me get a better night's sleep. So use environmental or emotional prompts to signal your habit and then rewards. I want to talk to you about what I do with the, with creating a streak of success but celebrate each success. Rewards can be intrinsic. where you just feel good and for completing the action, you feel proud of yourself. You're, you've accomplished something by doing the thing that you said you would do or extrinsic, like ticking a box on your habit tracker. Maybe you set up a reward for after 30 days of consistent streak, then you get a certain reward, something that you wanted. whatever is meaningful to you, really. So really by designing the elements intentionally, you can create a system that supports your non negotiable habits and keeps you on track. Now, I know that's a lot, especially if you're someone who doesn't like to set goals and has certain feelings about that. And that's where I would say, don't go it alone. That's when you need a coach or an accountability group, a partner, a friend, a trusted friend or family member that can know what your non negotiables are and hold you accountable. Even if and you tell them how you want to be accountable. That's really how that's going to work. How that will work is share your non negotiable and tell them how you they will know that you're succeeding and give them permission to ask you about it or to check in and to say, Hey, I noticed you didn't do X, Y, Z. I didn't hear from you. You didn't text me. What's up? Just give them an easy way. Way that you will feel good about to check back in with you as well. And you might want to do that. That's our accountability group. We have agreed to text each other by the end of the day with our non negotiables. And if we don't hear from. If I don't hear from one of them, then I'm going to check in the next day and say, Hey, didn't hear from you. What happened yesterday? You okay? And then it allows them to tell their story without me saying it. I'm not assuming that they didn't do it. I just know that I didn't hear from them. So that's a really great way to do that. Now. If you are ready to make your habits work for you, and all of this is triggered something in that you like to take action, not sure where to start, or how to actually go about making these non negotiable, or maybe you don't have the accountability partners and I want to invite you to take action with an effective and personalized strategy to, for achieving your goals. And how I want to invite you to do this is that I've created a no regrets challenge, and this is your invitation to start now. It's free and it's online and it's really designed to create a sustainable change over time. There are already people in that group and it's starting to fill up. And so I'd love for you to get in that today in this challenge, you're going to learn how to identify and implement. your non negotiables and build a system of the cues, triggers and rewards, take action daily and to achieve the life that you really want and show up in the world in the way that you really want to. It's going to be a three day. workshop to really identify what you want and then create the strategy for how you will go about getting that. It's your, this is your moment to move beyond good intentions and make meaningful progress. I'd love to see you win. I want to know what you're creating. I would love to do this together, whether it's improving your health or advancing your career or deepening relationships. This no regrets challenge is going to equip you with the tools to succeed and give us a chance to connect in a way that that I think will be something anybody can do. It's going to be, it'll be all, it's all online and in a community, an online community as well. It will be recorded if you can't make the live sessions, but I'd love to see you in that challenge. And. I'd love to hear what you're creating. So take action today. join the challenge and start living with no regrets. The link is in the show notes. If you're on my email list, you already have been sent that link to get on. And everything that you need to get started if you're not on my email list, you can get on that too, so that you never miss any of these things that I do. I do these several times in a year and I just love what have, what I see happen. It's so much fun and I hope you will join me. So take action today. I'm on this journey with you as you go out every day and default to yes, your extraordinary self.