Circles of Concern to Control: Personal Empowerment in Challenging Times

Welcome to another week of embracing your extraordinary self. Today, we're diving into a topic crucial for enhancing our ability to truly default to excellence: mastering our approach to conflict, stress, and managing our energy. Stress, anxiety, and conflict are inevitable parts of life. How we engage with them greatly influences our overall well-being. When overwhelmed by external pressures or difficult situations, or distracted by media and cultural events, it can deplete our energy, leading us to react emotionally. But with the right approach, we can regain control.

Stephen Covey’s circles of concern, influence, and control, provide a framework for managing stress and sharing natural solutions effectively.

Understanding Covey's Circles

Stephen Covey introduced the Circles of Concern, Influence, and Control to help us focus on what truly matters. Let's explore each circle:

1. Circle of Concern
2. Circle of Influence
3. Circle of Control

Implementing the Framework

To apply this framework, follow these steps:

• Step 1: Sort Concerns
• Step 2: Take Action
• Step 3: Regulate Stress

Reflect and Empower

Here are some coaching reflections to guide you:

• Where am I focusing too much energy on concern, influence, or control?
• What’s one action I can take that’s fully within my control?
• How can I shift from worrying about a problem to influencing or acting on it?

Conclusion

In mastering these circles, you can regain control of your energy, emotions, and decisions. Navigate challenges with wisdom and grace, being open to solutions and learning. As you go about your day, consider what you choose to focus on, and how you can step into your extraordinary self.

Until next time, be curious, seek truth, and don’t forget to download the accompanying PDF with guiding questions and circles. Share your experiences and let me know what works for you.

Download Guide

Transcript

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Welcome to another week of defaulting to yes, your extraordinary self. today, we're going to talk about something that's really important to be able to truly default to extraordinary. mastering our approach to conflict and to stress to managing our energy. because stress and anxiety and conflict are inevitable parts of life and how we engage with them determines their impact on our overall well being, when we're overwhelmed by external pressures or difficult situations, when we get distracted by, by media, cultural events, all of the things start to just deplete our energy. We often react emotionally. We start to feel powerless or stuck and there is an approach that I've been dusting off this week to really help us manage that. And so I'm going to share that with you in case it's helpful to you as well. I learned this this approach when I first started learning holistic health, I was coming out of a medical model. I was entrenched in that. And that means that there is a medication, there's a pharmaceutical solution, there's a surgical intervention for everything that goes wrong with us. And the approach in the medical model is really to fix problems that have already occurred. It's not really to prevent problems from occurring and we have established that pretty well is that it doesn't make us healthier. So this was a new approach and I was really trying to come out of, I had become convinced that essential oils could offer powerful natural solutions for a lot of our health problems to help prevent and even manage some of the discomforts and get at the root causes. And I still really believe that and I teach it and I incorporate, I have incorporated that well into my lifestyle. And I love to share that with people who are open to that. But what I had to learn is that not everyone is on the same page with that and trusting, and we all have to learn and grow at our own pace, and We just have different views on things and we have to then be able to converse and share and hopefully have that growth mindset so where we can get really curious and learn, but I was trying to really persuade and move some culture change forward. And. As part of that journey, we hosted an essential nurse conference. And one of the speakers spoke about Stephen Covey's circles of concern, influence and control as a way for us to manage our message and manage some of the the passion Taking the message forward on natural solutions. And so now I find myself in another situation where I'm really having to look for a solution on how to navigate through cultural events and the political climate getting on social media and seeing what other people are saying and really managing all of that, maybe stress that managing that energy, managing the messaging. Because again, when we. Experience that stress and the conflict and the anxiety. It's really easy to get overwhelmed or drained or stuck in reactive patterns. And then we waste our energy worrying about things that are outside of our control. And that just is frustrating. It leads to burnout. It leads leads to inaction. We start to feel so paralyzed by or by the overwhelm or the over analysis. And we start to get confused about what is true. How do we know what is true? All of the things and how we manage that. Understanding Stephen Covey's circles of concern, influence and control helps me, helps me develop an algorithm for how to sort through some of the things and what I want to, what aligns with my values. How do I want to be ready when the, if the time comes that I need to respond to something, how am I ready? And. Where have I developed? What have I put my attention and focus on? And what, what have I educated myself on so we can shift our focus and we can manage our energy effectively and regain that sense of clarity and purpose. And we're working on that in our, in this coaching community. And we're moving towards clarity We've spent a whole week just really focusing on what brings energy, what sucks energy. And that is so important in managing all this. So this framework also aligns with everything that aromacognition is about as well. It's rooted in principles and of the, of cognitive behavioral therapy and neuroscience. It shows us how to reframe stress and reduce emotional reactivity, just really to be able to take empowered action. So when we master this approach, we can move from reacting to responding and from feeling powerless to acting with intention. Now I'm going to go through these and then I'm going to throw some questions at you so that you can really work this algorithm yourself. Stephen Covey introduced this Circles of Concern, Influence, and Control in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, to help people focus on what truly matters. And so that's what we're going to do. Now, first of all, The circle of concern includes all the things that affect us, but that we have little or no control over like world events, the economy, other people's actions, or unexpected challenges. I would say even policies in the workplace Sometimes we don't have any control over those things. And if we spend too much time there, we start to feel anxious or drained and powerless examples of what is in your circle of concern might be global politics and economic downturns natural disasters, pandemics, other people's choices and opinions. and the past. It's on those unchangeable events. Those are things that are in this, that we can put in the circle of concern. Imagine diagramming this out. second, we have the circle of influence, and that's what we can affect, but not fully control. And this circle includes areas where we don't have control, but we can make an impact. So by focusing here, we shift from passive worry to proactive engagement. This is where leadership, communication, and problem solving really thrive. Now, examples of what is in your, What's in your circle of influence, your workplace culture and relationships, you might not be able to do anything about policies or decisions that are passed down, but you can influence the culture, how you respond to conflict or criticism. Those are things you could that you definitely can influence your ability to mentor, encourage or inspire others. health habits. These are, that's also in our circle of influence. We can choose nutritious foods. We can choose to move our bodies. We can, even if it's, even if you can't control your genetics and the specific response and body shape or body type, You can certainly control what you put in your body and how you expend that energy, how you move about. So, there is That is what we can influence. So that's the circle of influence. The circle of control is what we have direct power over. And the circle of control is where real change happens. And this is where we'll put most of our energy. And this is where we'll We will ask ourselves some powerful questions too. It includes our thoughts, our choices and attitudes, our actions. The more time we spend here is the more effective and resilient we can become. So examples of what's in your circle of control is your mindset and daily habits, how you react to challenges, your schedule and priorities, what you say, do and believe. What we can control are our habits and the things that we do to pursue the outcome or to to move towards the outcome that we really want. Now, cognitive behavioral therapy, aroma cognition, is really rooted back as far as Aristotle teaches us that our thoughts shape our emotions and behaviors. And when we focus on the things outside our control, we trigger the brain's stress response, activating that amygdala. That can lead to anxiety and helplessness. But when we shift our focus to what we can control, we engage the prefrontal cortex, and that helps us improve those problem solving and emotional regulation. And this is what I mean when I say let's train our Fascinating brains to cooperate with us in the way we really want to show up. What I'm saying is let's activate that prefrontal cortex and let's get it working for us so that we can, we get the outcomes that we want. Let's not let the amygdala just run wild with us. So the key benefits to this is first of all, just really learning this, this framework and learning this practice, To train our brains, it's going to reduce anxiety. So we start to focus on controllable actions. When we do that, it lowers our cortisol. That's the stress hormone. It increases resilience. Shifting from worry to influence fosters that proactive coping strategies. We start to find solutions because our brain is looking for them and then improving decision making. The brain functions better when we work within our zone of control. Studies show that individuals with an internal locus of control, those who believe they have power over their actions tend to be more successful and happier. That's defaulting to yes, right? I'm going to share a three step framework to applying these circles and so that when we are facing conflict or energy drain or stress, we can use this process to regain that clarity and control. So step one would be to sort those concerns into the three circles. Ask yourself, is this in my control, influence, or merely a concern, and then write it down. I would say draw three circles on a piece of paper and keep them or on a dry erase board when you're, however you can, you can manage that so that you actually physically put these in a circle. Is this in my control, influence, or merely a concern? And then, am I spending too much time on something I can't change? This mental sorting is going to help us shift our focus to what actually matters. Those are really important questions, so I'm going to put them in a PDF so you can download this too, because I think this is really important and you're probably listening when you're doing something else or while you're driving. And so you can't take notes, but I'm going to make this available, so just come back and download that PDF so that you can have these, have the notes on these questions to ask yourself. So, Take action on what you can control and influence is step two. So the circle of control is identify one small concrete action you can take today. The circle of influence, consider how you can contribute, persuade, or positively shift a situation. And then the circle of concern, practicing letting go by focusing on what you can do instead. So that might be Instead of spending time on my social media, I'm going to go read a book about this topic, or I'm going to learn more about this topic in a credible source. And I'm going to get off social media and stop reading everyone else's response. When we do that, we, Opt out of groupthink. And that is a really good thing for all of us. So step one is to sort those concerns into the three circles. And step two is to take action on what you can control and influence. And to make that happen, first, you have to identify it. You have to differentiate between those, those, the things and what, where those things are falling in those circles. Step three is regulating stress and maintaining perspective. So, That's going to involve reframing your thinking, challenging the negative thoughts, and shift to a solution focused language. So, what is the solution? What would be the outcome? What would it look if it was different? And just really thinking through that, getting curious. And then using breathwork and mindfulness. activate that parasympathetic nervous system to reduce the stress. I tell my patients all the time that using that breath work that I teach them when they're maybe right before surgery, when they're, a lot of times IV started, I will teach them a breath technique. I tell them then that it's not going to change your situation. We're still going to have to do this. You're still going to go to surgery. If you can slow your heart rate down and kick in that parasympathetic nervous system so that you can kick that prefrontal cortex in so that you can remind yourself that, That, that IV start is not going to kill you. So using breathwork is going to make that less scary and a less overwhelming situation. And it's going to allow you to access the solutions that you need to move through it in a way that serves you. So. Using breathwork and mindfulness is another powerful way to regulate that stress and then maintain the perspective and then creating boundaries, limiting exposure to news and social media, or even toxic conversations that fuel worry. And that can feel very therapeutic. It's kind of like gossip in the workplace, people, somebody says something about somebody who's driving you crazy and it feels kind of good and validating. But when we buy into that, that is not a path we want to go on. And so we need to be really careful about even just those conversations that fuel our worry. Talking with somebody who agrees with us is great, but sometimes we have a tendency to then just catastrophize that issue and it doesn't serve us well. And so even in your conversations, when you're creating those safe places to talk about some of the difficult things, maybe set some boundaries and agreements with each other so that you you can reign that in a little bit so that those, those conversations don't become toxic, but create those boundaries. by focusing on what I can influence and control. I regain confidence and clarity and the peace that I move about the day with at work and outside of work. And I can really focus on what really matters and, and make sure that I'm showing up as my extraordinary self that I'm defaulting to, yes. And that I am summoning the best of who I am, and that feels good. So a couple of coaching reflection. questions, where am I focusing too much energy? these are going to be on the worksheet too, so that you can have them, maybe make them journal prompts. Where am I focusing too much energy on concern, influence, or control? And then two, what's one action I can take that's fully within my control? Having something to do. Well, first of all, take that energy that you would have spent on things that you don't have any control over and just kicking in that stress cycle. while a lot of us, while most of us can't do something that's going to change the world, we could change the world for someone. We could change the world for us. and then the third question is, how can I shift my focus from worrying about a problem to influencing or acting on it? And this might be. Just be by getting more informed. We can't all be experts in everything, despite what our friends on Facebook say, we can not all be legal experts, foreign policy experts, health experts. We just can't. And I know that I know that people think that they can, but. It's not possible. so we should stop putting that pressure on ourselves. So how can I shift my focus from worrying about a problem to influencing or acting on it? And that might just be by getting educated about something that you really care about. So you might not care as much about one issue as you do the other. So focus on the issue that you do care about. The one that's aligned with your values, aligned with your purpose, and it's keeping you on the trajectory that you already are. What is that nice next right step of integrity? So I hope you find this helpful because I have found it really helpful this week to really let some of those things go that aren't in my circle of control And leave them in a circle of interest. To me, it was really helpful to be, to say, I'm really interested in this issue. I'm going to put it here. I can't control it or even influence it, but I can learn about it if I have time. And so I put it there and it gives it someplace to be, this is in my circle of interest. And so there are a lot of different ways that you can learn about this. I encourage you to look up cubby circles and dig into this a little bit more because Really by mastering these circles, you can take back the control of your energy and emotions and your decisions and navigate those challenges and all of that that is coming at you with wisdom and with grace. And just to be a truth seeker, get curious, authentically curious, and let's, let's learn and let's be open. to solutions and open to learning and be ready. and have the energy and the bandwidth to address those things that are in our circle of control in a way that we really want to. All right. Until next time, I hope you will share this. download the PDF with the questions in the circles as a guide and a reminder on how you can process this. use the link in the notes below and let me know, what is working for you? What is not working for you? I'd love to hear from you and until next time, what will you choose to focus on as you go out and default to yes, your extraordinary self.