How to Stop Spinning All the Plates in Midlife: Science-Backed Strategies for Balance, Energy, and Peace

Feeling overwhelmed in midlife? Like you’re juggling too much—and somehow still dropping the ball on what matters most?

In this episode, we’re talking about what it really means to be “spinning all the plates” in midlife—and how to stop. If you’re a woman over 40 trying to manage career, caregiving, health goals, relationships, and maybe your own reinvention, this conversation is for you.

We’ll explore:

• Why your brain feels overloaded (and what neuroscience says to do about it)
• A simple 4-step framework for creating more balance and sustainable energy
• The myth of multitasking and what to focus on instead
• A powerful mindfulness practice to calm your nervous system
• One essential oil that’s proven to help reduce stress and improve clarity

This isn’t just about managing the chaos. It’s about reclaiming vitality, peace, and a rhythm that works for you—not against you.

You’ll walk away with tools, encouragement, and a breath of fresh air (literally—because we’re pairing it with aromatherapy!).

💛 Want to go deeper? Download the free guide: The 10-Minute Self-Care Plan  

Transcript

0:59

welcome back to another extraordinary week. It's a rainy day here in Nashville and I kinda like rainy days if they don't go on too long one. I get a lot of things done in the morning when it's raining and it's very green and pretty to look out the window and just be able to appreciate all the things. I just finished my HI training, which honestly is not a new concept to me, but it's new practice as far as being consistent and we're. Three weeks in, and I feel like I'm just finally getting that rhythm down. We're still working it out. So I wanted to talk a little bit about spinning those plates. At all seasons of life, we can feel like it's a little crazy and there's a lot of things going on. And I will say, if you're in midlife, chances are, you've said this many times or felt it, you've got the career demands, maybe family aging, parents, kids that still need you. Health goals, Friendships that you're trying to maintain and or maybe even reconnect with people that you lost touch with when your kids were in high school. Laundry that's still in the washer, or in my case, still in the dryer. I maintain that we should probably just have two dryers so that I can leave my clothes in the dryer all the time. I have not moved the needle on making that happen, but. It's still something that I still think that's a really good idea anyway. It can feel like a little bit of a circus act. And the truth is that we weren't designed to balance chaos. We were meant to live with intentional rhythm. And that is why it sometimes feels overwhelming. And yes, that. Is possible to have that intentional rhythm. Notice I didn't say balance. We're not balancing anything, balancing chaos. Work life balance is a term that we throw around. But what we mean is we want to live with an intentional rhythm. So Let's explore a little bit how we can trade that frantic plate spinning for a purposeful place setting with science backed strategies, a calming mindfulness practice, and a little aromatic support. I'm going to come at you with this to help us reconnect to that vibrant, powerful you, that extraordinary self that's underneath All of those things that we're doing that are important, things are valuable. We aren't setting those down. We're learning how to get that intentional rhythm. And that takes strategy. That doesn't happen just by chance. when we think that's the case, we end up in chaos. We end up in stress, and that's not healthy for us. so let's talk a little bit about what I'm gonna call the science of too much and why we start to feel that really frazzled feeling when we take on too much. I get into conversations with clients about this and they really can't. Find anything to put down because what they've, what they hold in their hands right now are things that are valuable to them and they are aligned with their core values. So it's not necessarily always that you have to stop doing something or put something now. Now sometimes it is anyway, cognitive overload. Is real. And research in neuroscience shows that the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain that's responsible for decision making and planning and self-control gets maxed out when there are too many demands that are competing for attention. And the result is that you start to forget what you walked into the room for. You snap at your partner or your kids, or you lose momentum on what matters most. This is what we call procrastination as well. So if you're, if you are labeling this, the, these times procrastination, take a look at what you are facing as far as what is your prefrontal cortex being faced with. Dr. Sandra Chapman. She's a founder of The Center for Brain Health calls this brain drain. She says that multitasking is not a badge of honor. It's a fast track to burnout. And I think we all know, I think we've read the articles, we've had the conversations, we've lived it out. We've tried to prove this concept of multitasking, And I have yet to meet anyone who's proved it to be something that's beneficial to us. Now the anecdote is intentional focus, mindful renewal, and clarity around your core priorities. And this is. All what we talk about in the Yes society, in the coaching group. So if this is something you're struggling with, join us there. It's a great place to unpack these things and move those obstacles out of your way. Now I'm gonna give you a little framework for reclaiming your energy, and this is gonna be the four R strategy. So let's walk through the simple. It's an evidence informed framework that supports cognitive clarity, emotional balance, and sustained energy. It's not easy, but it's doable, and We can find that intentional rhythm that we are looking for in order to keep the things that are important to us. In play, keep those plates spinning and not feel overwhelmed, and we can even step back and watch them spin and savor the moments. the first R is recognize. We're gonna pause and take inventory. what plates are you spinning? and one ones actually belong to you. Now this is where sometimes you can put something down or walk away from it. because there are things that we do. especially women, maybe not because. we have some expectation. We think that it's expected of us. And I was asked the question, who's expecting it? And almost always, there isn't a really good answer for that. It's something that we have been con, we've conditioned our brains for. We've grown up with a message that this is what a good woman, a good wife, a good mom does. And they're not always necessarily things that anybody else cares that we do. And those are things that just to recognize and to evaluate which plates are you spinning that don't actually belong to you? And this is that awareness step. You're gonna just look at it, not judge it, notice it. No judgment. That's a little tricky, but the brain rec responds positively to naming and noticing. Labeling your stressors reduces the amygdala's response. Your fear center, calming your nervous system. Sometimes when we have anxiety or we're worrying. The best thing to do is just to call it out. Because then our prefrontal cortex can kick in and speak some reason to, to that place where that is telling you that you're, that it's overwhelming or that it is even something to worry about. So ask yourself which roles or tasks are draining you, and then which bring you energy and meaning. And then just see what happens. Actually write it down, writing it down, journaling it out, talking about it to a friend or a coach is the best way to get awareness because you will, I, a lot of times will be writing and I'll see something come right off my hand. Almost like I didn't write it because my brain is processing subconsciously. And when I allow it space to just mind dump on a piece of paper or when I'm in a conversation, I will say things that I hear myself say and I go, whoa, I didn't even know I was thinking that. And so that's really an important process of just recognizing, and that's why it's so important to have a community or a coach to really be able to tap into that awareness and do something with it. Now two is reclaim, So first we recognize and then we reclaim. So choose what aligns with your values. Let go of those shoulds that aren't serving you. That is a big deal. And sometimes that's not, that's a lot easier said than done, and sometimes. It is something somebody's expecting, but it's an unrealistic expectation or one that you have created for that for in your family. You will be the one who always does X, Y, Z, and maybe it's just really not necessary. Maybe others would pick up the ball or spin that plate if you didn't, or they would help you keep it spinning if you didn't have insist on doing it all by yourself. So let go of those shoulds that are not serving you. I would say this applies in the workplace too. I watch people do things that I know that they don't have to be doing, but it just is something that they think is an expectation or they think is valuable, but they don't take cha. Take the time to really recognize it, to evaluate it, and then try to reclaim that. I watch managers all of the time in conversation in some of my various nurse groups. Really, trying to manage that time and manage that what, like I said, work life balance, which is something, what they're looking for is an intentional rhythm, which also means that they're. Going to have to make some hard decisions. And and I think that, I know that I have a manager right now that really prioritizes that she gets off balance. She struggles, but like anyone does, but she does call herself back to prioritizing that and actually, it makes more efforts. And I think that when she prioritizes herself and she says, I'm gonna scoot outta here early today, and communicates that with us, I think that's a great way to role model. So any of you leaders out there, if you're struggling with this and you think you always have to be the last one out the door or the first one there if You always have to have an open door. There are times that you can manage with by setting boundaries and expectations and communicating your values to the people that you lead. I think that's role modeling to them as well. And it, I. Creates that culture where when you are valuing yourself, you're in a better position to value others as well and not burn out and be the leader that you want to be. Okay. That's my little soapbox about leadership and why so many leaders think that they can never get help spinning those plates or never let a plate just be taken outta play. I dunno, mixing metaphors a little bit there. But according to the self-determination, the theory, intrinsic motivation driven by values and purpose lead to higher life satisfaction and then external validation. So that's speaks also to who? Is creating those expectations. Who are you trying to please by doing the things that you're doing? What are you looking for? Those are all good questions to ask. So write down your top three life priorities. Do that today and let them be your decision filter. If you're doing something that doesn't serve those priorities, then maybe it's time to reclaim that space for something that matters more. Alright, so three is rhythm Eyes. I'm not even really sure that's a word, but instead of balance, which really when you think about a scale and we think about balancing something we're looking for equal, we're looking for. Still, and we're looking for even, right? what I'm encouraging you to do is think rhythm. So create that daily and weekly patterns that work with your body and mind. Not everything fits in a day. But almost everything that we do fits in a week or in even in a month or a six week time period. You can create a rhythm so there might be a whole week goes by that you do not address that certain issue because you have a whole day and maybe it's, maybe it's a relationship, maybe it's household chores, maybe it's a big project you have, so designate a time so that you're not, it's not always on your mind. If I know that next Tuesday I have a day off and that's the day I'm going to clean my garage out, then I know that I don't have to think about that. I don't have to chunk away at it. I don't have to mess with it every day. It's scheduled. It's a rhythm. It doesn't have to overwhelm. I don't have to be thinking, oh, I've gotta do all this and this, and I've got all of these things to do because I have a place where that's getting going to get done. Alright. So create that daily or weekly patterns that work with your body and mind. I. So you can try this. what works for me may not work for you. This is the strategy that I use is, first of all, that morning priming breath work intention, a specific oil. I have a whole morning routine now, recently I have had to reorder that routine to work in some of these other practices that are valuable to me, that things that, that it's a little bit more movement more. More meal planning. I really have to sit down and think about intentionally what, how I'm gonna nourish my body and how I'm going to move it that day. And so I've had to rearrange some things and that's okay. You're those, the morning routine doesn't have to be static. And I got so much where I was doing exactly the same things every day that it actually became hard for me to. Morph it a little bit when something else became important. When I noticed something that needed to be shifted. So morning priming foundations would be just setting that intention, doing some breath work, and maybe even using a specific essential oil or something to condition your mind. That's that aroma cognition that I teach. To really hold on to the things that you are intending. For that day. And then a midday reset, I would even say set your alarm. Maybe you have a intention that you wanna put in your alarm. So our phones are great for that. We can actually use them to, at noon or two or whenever it is that you have a good time to reset. Just do a three minute meditation. A laughter break. A walk, something I've listened to a song that inspires you. Remind yourself of your intention. I like to set an alarm so that it reminds me, and then I write my intention into the alarm. So it comes up. I read the intention and it triggers, and that I usually do some breath work. because that's something that you always have with you. So the things that we always have with us, our phone and our breath. And we can use those things to our advantage to just reset the day. So if it's something unexpected comes up, you can reset. Alright, so then there's an evening review. Now this part, I think is under value. We wanna just finish the day. We're like, whew, got it done. But reviewing your evening is gonna make all the difference. So what did I do today, take five minutes just to appreciate the day and notice. Maybe at a crazy day and you're ending the day going, this is a no good, very bad day, and I want it. It's, and the only thing that you can come up with is that it's over. I guarantee you, you can find something that you survived the day that you can find something that to really appreciate, and it might be that you made it home safe. That nobody got hurt. That's, I think, made it into my evening review more than once, but just to review it, not judge it, not belabor the point, just notice the things that happened so that you can see what you've actually done. We should really always know how we are doing. your nervous system loves predictability and novelty in balance, so we need some stability and we need some newness introduced in all of those. Predictability and novelty in balance boosts dopamine and serotonin while reducing cortisol we do need some cortisol. We need that little bit of healthy stress, but we don't need to be overloaded by it. That's when we get ourselves into trouble. Okay, so we're going to recognize, reclaim ize, and then renew. So no more pushing through it. Restoration is productive, so sleep. Connection with others, creativity and joy. Those are not luxuries. They are the fuel for the life that you want. They're really why you work so hard. All of those things are the things that bring meaning to our life, meaning to our work. So don't push through these hard times and forget to take that time to restore and to rest. Research in positive psychology shows that cultivating awe and gratitude and beauty increases that resilience and vitality even during high stress seasons. So no matter what you're going through, make a note, schedule it, look for those things that amaze you, look for those things of beauty and they pop up everywhere. When you're intentional, when you just are looking and noticing, and even the things that. You'll notice things that seem simple and maybe are always there, and all of a sudden you can see the beauty in them. Ask yourself, where are you regularly pouring in? What renewal rituals can you make sacred again? We all have things that we used to do that make us, made us really happy, or that we used to do all of the time, that made us feel very alive. What are those things that maybe have dropped off? Maybe it was, maybe go as far back as before you had kids. What did you really enjoy when you were a kid? What did you enjoy? What things brought you joy? Maybe there's something there that you can tap into. I'd like to share with you a mindful minutes practice that today we can call one plate at a time breath, and I'm gonna explain it for those of you who might be listening on the go. That'll take about five minutes. Five minute practice at the start or midpoint of your day, either one. First of all, just sit, stand, sit or stand tall, feel grounded. Then you're gonna inhale through your nose for four counts, the count to four, imagining that you're gently settling one plate on the table, and then you're gonna hold for two counts. Appreciate that, and then slowly exhale through your mouth. For six counts releasing what isn't yours to carry. Repeat that three to five times and then end with one clear sentence. Today I choose to focus on whatever it is you're ch focusing on. Okay? So that's a good mindfulness practice that you can do. Like I said, if you do three to five rounds, it'll take about five minutes and really help To become a nervous system anchor, especially when you, when that mental clutter starts to stack up. Alright, I mentioned essential oils, and so I'm gonna suggest one because I think that one essential oil that I like to use for a lot of this is I like to use citrus oils in the middle of the day because they're very very uplifting. And then there's, bergamot. And bergamot has a unique chemistry that makes it both soothing and uplifting, and it's really good for its calming effects as well as its uplifting effects. There's a lot of really good research on bergamot for managing anxieties. Even there's some PTSD studies on the, with the use of bergamot, really powerfully used oil for. Like I said, calming and uplifting. research that's out there. Highlights reduced cortisol levels that when inhaled, and increased positive feelings and mental clarity and supports emotional processing, especially useful for perfectionism and over functioning. So this is a really good essential oil to use to diffuse in those times of stress. But also in I mean it's a daily use oil because you could uplift and calm every single day. If you put this in a roller bottle or in an inhaler, you could use this in your afternoon routine and have it with you all the time. to use it just one drop in your, in the palm of your hand, rub your hands together, cup and breathe deeply. And then in the midday you could diffuse it with peppermint for even a focus boost. And then in the evening with lavender in a roller or a bath, to signal your brain, that it's safe to rest. So there are a lot of ways that you can use this bergamot essential oil. It's A really nice one to use for your an aroma cognition practice. So the truth is that you don't have to spin all the plates. You're allowed to choose your rhythm, prioritize your piece, and drop the ones that aren't yours without guilt. You don't even have to drop the plates. You can just gently, easily calmly, just confidently set them down without any guilt. Vitality isn't found in managing it all, It's found in managing what matters most From that place of intention and clarity and self-trust, because midlife isn't the end of our energy, it's not even necessarily a time that we have to relax and chill out and do nothing or coast. It's really the beginning of your most powerful chapter yet. So let's stop spinning all the plates and just set them down on the table and start showing up in the world the way that you really want to. If you wanna go deeper into this practice and you want a guide for helping you put these plates down, you want a community that you can connect with that are all on that same page of just really. Showing up as their extraordinary self defaulting to extraordinary every single day. Join us in the Yes society. This is where we're rewriting that midlife as a calling, not a crisis, and building wellness that really sticks. Or you can grab my free guide, the 10 minute self-care plan that has breath work, oils and mindset shifts that are designed for defaulting to your extraordinary self. Schedule a chat with me if you. If you aren't sure what the next step is for you, least we can do is Get on the phone, or Zoom chat for a little bit, and I'll help you get pointed in the right direction and we'll see what might be the next right step of integrity. I'd love to support you in that way. You'll be amazed at what we can get done. And even just one conversation, and I'd love to connect with you and see what you're creating as you go out every day and default to yes, your extraordinary self.