What Is the True Definition of Success?

In this episode of Default to Yes, we’re reimagining what success really means—and why knowing your own definition may be the most important step in living the life you were created for.

We explore:

• Why we often get success wrong
• What research and personal development experts say about defining success
• The role of your Reticular Activating System (RAS) in finding what you focus on
• How Earl Nightingale’s “ship without a captain” analogy still speaks today
• What Proverbs 16:9 teaches us about planning with faith

You’ll walk away with empowering questions to clarify your definition of success, craft your own personal “words to live by,” and begin moving more freely in the direction of your dreams—with your heart aligned and your steps divinely guided.

📥 Download the FREE Success Guide: https://www.coachingwithjuli.com/values
💛 Join the YES Society coaching community:  https://www.coachingwithjuli.com/yescoaching

Transcript

Juli Reynolds: 0:59

welcome to another extraordinary week. in the Yes Society, and that's the coaching group that, that I lead where. People are really making some really big breakthroughs and doing some really strong work. I started this group to help close the gap between where we wanna be and where we are. That's a hard road to go when you go by yourself. We get all caught up in some of the things that, the obstacles and maybe the, some of the thoughts that you don't even know you're thinking. Fear, lack of confidence. Whether it be the fear of the process, the fear of the outcome, the fear that you won't get the outcome. All the things. So this could be health goals business goals, hitting that retirement date. All of those things are happening, and a lot of times we just wanna make it happen. In the quickest way possible. And the only way to do that is to do the work and have the accountability, have a community, have the coaching that get the support that you need. Otherwise what could take a year, might take 3, 5, 7 years to actually accomplish because we get distracted. So this group is for individuals, leaders, entrepreneurs, nurses who are going after the life that they really want, the life that they know they're created for, and making, amazing breakthroughs, and I am so honored to be part of that group and to be leading that group. That is just, it's just an amazing journey. These are fantastic individuals to be on the journey with. And anyway, so a lot of times the topics here that we talk about are things that. Came up in that group and or I'm introducing them in that group and just giving an overview. And then inside the group we do a little bit more reflection, a little bit more coaching around it, really studying it, taking it apart so that we can get really good at self coaching. Through that messy middle, when we want to achieve something and when we start to get distracted so that we have that ultimate awareness that we need and the clarity and the confidence and the courage to tackle whatever we want. Now, this week we've been talking about success, It's a word that we throw around chase after tirelessly. And a lot of us have never really taken the time to define it for ourselves. we grow up surrounded by cultural messages about what success should look like and as that might be a certain salary, a prestige, A full social calendar. Maybe it's a career, or a level of success. Maybe it's the home that you live in or the neighborhood you live in, but what if the pursuit of all of those versions of success just leaves us kinda feeling depleted? we use the term hit the ground running before you hit the ground running and go. All out in a direction we have to be clear about where we're going.'cause there's nothing more exhausting than climbing a ladder only to realize that you're leaning against the wrong wall. You've probably seen that, that meme or that image That's what I mean is we need to know where we're going, and is it somewhere where we wanna end up? success goes wrong. When we inherit our definition from, of success from others, maybe it's parents or culture or social media. and I've had conversations with people that say that they feel like they are expected to do something. And when I ask them who's expecting or they, or who are they? Sometimes we don't even know. We have, we're living with expectations that we. Never even thought about where do they come from and who says. So that's one thing is when we hear, inherit that definition, and we don't stop to figure out the origins of it we confuse busyness for purpose. That's easy to do. We're so busy thinking that we're making some progress that being overwhelmed is that badge of honor. That we miss the purpose. and then another thing, we tend to maybe default to external rewards instead of that internal Alignment. And that's when we start to look at promotions and raises and acknowledgement for mothers as that. And we start to live from one of those things to the other. There are nurses that I really respect and look up to. They, some of them have been my mentors and I watch them get awards, and I think that's what I want. I want some acknowledgement for what I do, and I've been nominated for awards, but I've never gotten those awards and. I want a Daisy award. I didn't get a Daisy award. I got nominated, but I got the little pin. And that meant so much to me because that represents not just the patient that wrote the story and turned that in and took the time to do that. It represented all of the patients to me that I've cared for over the years that I've sat with, that I've gone through really hard things, been present for have just really cared for them in a time of crisis. So that was very affirming. If I lived for every Daisy nomination, that external reward I would definitely have to retire because that would be exhausting. I have to be able to tap into those stories that I know are true especially in healthcare, we go through some things and have connections with people that we don't actually ever get to share with anybody that except for that person. So that person goes home and they resume their life and we move on having been connected to that life and that we're not able to share it with our loved ones, our friends, our family, and so we hold those stories. And they become part of us, and that is that internal alignment. I know what I'm here for because I had these stories that I can that I can access when I'm looking for why am I doing this? The other thing is that we never pause to ask what do I actually want? We, again, tend to just. It again, defaulting to expectations or definitions from others. Clinical psychologist, Dr. Russ Harris, he's the author of The Happiness Trap, suggests that Chasing success without values, clarity leads to burnout and dissatisfaction, and I could not agree more. So I love to dive into values, and this is, and it's something that that I've taught. I actually have a worksheet if you want. If you've never done that, if you've never clarified your values, then we need to chat and I can get you pointed in the right direction. So schedule that. A 20 minute session with me. We'll get you pointed in the right direction for getting clarity on those values that you hold. You have them there. It's just have you identified them? So he says that if you live, if you're living a values guided life, you may still experience pain, but you. Also, you'll also experience meaning, and I think that's what we're really looking for. it's not a life that's absent a pain or hardship. That's not really what we're looking for. If we are, we're gonna be really disappointed because that doesn't happen. But but what we're looking for is for it to matter, right? We're looking for that meaning and purpose in the work that we do, in the life that we live. I wanna live and love and imagine and inspire. I wanna know that what I'm doing matters to someone. Alright, what do other experts say about this? I actually have been looking at some of the, the books that I've read in the past that I forgot about, they're still sitting out just perusing through those and some of the experts that have shaped my journey. And one is Brene Brown. She reminds us of success is not the absence of vulnerability, but showing up with courage and authenticity. And I think that, that message is taking hold in our culture just needs to also be something that we keep at the forefront of our mind. Steven Covey is the author of Seven Habits for Highly Effective People, and he urges us to begin with the end in mind. So again, without a personal definition of success, We risk going down that wrong path or climbing the ladder to find it's leaning against the wrong wall. I listened to Earl Nightingale again this week. he has a recording the Strangest Secret. It's on YouTube and I'll put a link in the notes to make it easier for you to find the whole recording. But it's there. It's free. And he shares an analogy about a ship with a complete voyage mapped out, and the captain's in charge, and With all of that in place, it has chance of arriving at its destination. So now think of a ship with no captain, no map, no destination. Most likely won't even get out of the harbor. So think about that. If you're, if the ship is sailing and you don't have a map and It's just drifting. That's how we get to places that we didn't mean to be. That's how we get stuck. not going anywhere. We might be very busy, but we're not actually accomplishing anything. Success then is not an accident. It's a destination that's defined by you and directed by the internal map that you're willing. To draw. I'm gonna share with you some questions that I think you can a ask yourself. And if this is resonating with you, please schedule a chat with me. We'll get you pointed in the right direction on getting the strategies in place that can help you define success for yourself. and it means something different to everyone, For some people it really is getting up every day. Summiting the best of yourself, showing up, being present with your family, with your kids, with your friends and your community. Taking care of your body and just living in the moment. There may be nothing else to it, but being intentional about where, what kind of impact do you wanna make during that day? So start with these questions. You can grab a pen. Maybe take a deep breath in and blow it out. Just be radically honest with yourself and ask yourself, what does success feel like to me? Is it freedom, peace? Is it creativity? Is it balance? Is it love? What does it feel like? Whose version of success am I chasing? What would I do if I knew I couldn't fail? What outcome am I hoping for in my health, relationships, work and spiritual life? How do I wanna be remembered? What do I want more of in the day-to-day life? What do I want less of? What do I want my life to stand for? Let your answers to these questions shape your own success statement. Just a few powerful words You live by a personal manifesto. Something that you get up every day and you say, this is what I'm living for. here's what happens when you do get this definition clarified. Once you know what success means to you, your brain. Starts to work with you to find it. This is the power of the reticular activating system. The RAS the part of your brain that acts like a filter, bringing attention to the things that you care about. It's why when I bought a white car for the first time not too long ago, and I did not really realize how many white SUVs there are. Even in my work parking lot and it's, I still laugh when I walk out to my car because I will, I park at the, I park at the end of the parking lot and there are literally four SUVs parked there every single day. And I didn't realize that probably. Three or four of my coworkers have white SUVs and I never saw it until I got mine. So this is the RAS, that reticular activating system. Suddenly I could see white SUVs everywhere where I didn't see them before. so same thing. When you define success, clearly your brain gets. Better at spotting the people and the paths and the possibilities that match your vision. And you start to feel less distracted, more focused, and more you. And this is a hard lesson I had to learn about. When I first started on the entrepreneurial pathway. I started with aromatherapy and wanting to help people learn how to use essential oils for their daily lives in their homes to make their homes healthier. And when I decided that I'd rather do that than working in the healthcare setting, I focused so hard on getting out of the healthcare setting that the healthcare setting was all I thought about. I can look back and see that all I ever saw was more opportunities that popped up inside the healthcare settings instead of what I wanted was to be my own boss and to have the time freedom to be able to step away from that setting. And so when I realized that what I was doing is. Feeding my brain for, with the healthcare setting by resisting it really by, by all I thought about is what I want was going away from. So my brain never got any information about what to look for on how to actually get out there and be my own boss and do my own thing. So I've been retraining my brain to be able to see the opportunities that are outside of the healthcare setting in which I can make an impact. So again, when you define success, clearly you, your brain just gets better at spotting. The pathway to that and finding a way to get what seems important to you, because that's what your brain wants, is to be able to supply you with what you tell it is important. You put in the keywords and then it goes searching for those. So it's not magic, it's neuroscience and it's incredibly freeing. So you might hear this in the in the context of manifesting. I would say the neuroscience behind that is giving your brain. You're giving it the keywords to search Our brains are amazing. They're our power tool, and our brain will help us to find what we are looking for. That said, it's not just about thinking it, you do have to go after it. There's work involved and there's effort. And if anyone's telling you differently, they're really just trying to sell you on something. Even doing the manifestation work is still effort and you have to be consistent with it. And again, I think it's more about science then magic and there's just, there's this power in having things clearly mapped out. What if you had a sentence that anchored you every day, a phrase that you could return to when the world tries to redefine success for you? What if every day when you woke up you were able to say, this is what I'm about. I live a life of meaningful connection and creative freedom. That would be an example. maybe you wake up and you say, success is waking up energized. Contributing to love and resting in peace, or I am becoming more aligned with who I was created to be. Whatever it is for you it doesn't have to be poetic it just has to mean something to you. Let your definition guide your decisions and let it give you permission to say yes and the power to say no. defining success is not about controlling every outcome. We don't get to do that, really. So it's really just about setting yourself in a direction and choosing that direction. Just like Earl Nightingale ship, you don't have to see the whole ocean. You just need to chart a course.

17:27

Proverbs 16, nine says a man's heart plans his way. But the Lord directs his steps. And that really fits beautifully into this conversation a Other versions say charts his course. This is a. Firms really that role of vision and planning and personal desire is not wrong to define success or set goals or envision your future. It's wise and it's human, and it's even holy God gives us imagination and ambition and agency and creating your own definition of success is really part of that process. You're participating in the story that God is writing in your life. You're discerning where your heart is drawn and what matters deeply. We all have something that we're created for and it's doesn't look the same for every one of us. we're also not walking alone. if you're a believer. Then you take hold of that part of the scripture where it says, the Lord directs his steps. And this reminds us that we, while we could define our direction, we also walk in humility and trust. It's a dance between clarity and surrender, between intention and divine redirection. God sees that bigger picture in his timing, the detours, the nos, they all might be part of that greater success than we ever imagined. And this showed up in my journal powerfully. I have, I tend to overlook the days when I'm looking at retirement and retirement planning. I tend to overlook the days that we spent in, a missionary lifestyle where we were, just trusting God every day. We weren't doing financial planning, we weren't drawing a salary. We worked for a lot of years with no salary, and we just trusted. I forget those days when I was making the decision to trust God with the longevity of that and the financial planning of it, and now today when our situation is different, I think, we were so unwise. I'm not really sure that was a decision that we made based on the values and the calling that we felt was that was on our lives at the time. so again, the detours, the nos, those all might be part of greater success than we ever even imagined. This verse also encourages that heart posture that says, here's where I believe I'm called, and I'll move forward with wisdom and faith and trust. And we trust God to guide and redirect and realign as we need it. So when we talk about success, especially in coaching and mindset work or personal development, there's a temptation again to believe that we are in total control. Proverbs 16 16 9 grounds us in the truth that we are co-laborers with God, we. Define our why. We discern what the next faithful step is. We act with integrity, but we also listen and adjust and wait and follow, and just trust that faith is so powerful. So success then becomes less about achieving and more about aligning with. Our God-given identity, values and calling. So I wanna stress that defining success is not about rigid and control. That course might be totally disrupted by storms, by unknown factors along the way. by miscalculations even. but it really goes back to intentional direction. proverbs emphasizes that our plans matter and our steps are then guided by that wisdom and an all knowing God. We get to participate in the story without carrying that pressure of writing it all, all by ourselves. hopefully that is encouraging to you no matter what your worldview is.

Juli Reynolds: 21:20

Point your compass towards the life that you want to be living to towards how you want to show up in the world, and then move forward. One faithful step at a time, maybe today is just about doing that one right next action of integrity, taking that step. So I'm gonna encourage you not to wait till you feel ready and wait for permission, because success isn't out there. It's in there. It's in you. And knowing what that means to you is where it starts. Alright? If you would like a worksheet that helps you craft your definition of success, and create your words to live by, activate your brain to support your goals, go to the show notes and click that link. Reach out to me, let me know. I'd love to chat with you and get you pointed in the right direction. That clarity coaching call could change everything, and I'd be honored to be on this journey with you as you reimagine success on your terms. So go chart your course, for every day that you get up at, default to your extraordinary self.