How to Build Confidence That Lasts: Science-Backed Strategies for Self-Trust and Action

Discover how to build lasting confidence through neuroscience, embodied practice, and self-trust. Learn the difference between confidence, esteem, and efficacy.

What’s one small action you can take today that says, “I trust myself enough to begin”? 

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:56 Understanding Confidence

02:30 Building Confidence: The Confidence-Competence Loop

06:32 The Neuroscience of Confidence

09:41 Embodied Cognition and Power Poses

11:31 Distinguishing Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem, and Self-Efficacy

15:57 Maintaining and Replenishing Confidence

23:13 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Transcript

0:59

welcome to another extraordinary week. I'm Julie Reynolds, your nurse coach for courage, confidence, and clarity as you take on becoming who you really want to be living that life that you are created for. I am so honored to be on the journey with you. Please share these episodes and share this podcast. The topics I bring up are meant for. Discussion and for growth. And we do that best in community. So share this with your social circle and if you don't feel like you have a good, strong community, I have one for you. So schedule your chat with me and we'll talk about where that fits with you and this 20 minute chat. Even if you don't join the Yes Society, you could still leave this with a plan and a strategy and a little bit more clarity on your purpose and what you are creating. I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to know what you are creating. This week seemed like the theme was confidence and the word confidence the origins and the embodiment of it, the science behind it. And so that's what we're gonna talk about today. we're gonna talk about confidence and I'm gonna make some important, what I think are important distinctions to help us really navigate In the realm of confidence. So first of all, the word confidence comes from the lan confi dire. It's to have full trust or reliance. We, it's a compound of Khan, which is with and fedder to trust, Suggesting that true confidence is inherently relational. Historically. It didn't simply mean belief in oneself, but trust that emerges with something, with others, with truth, with purpose, with the divine. This matters because confidence isn't just bravado, it's, it isn't dominance or perfection. It isn't that. Maybe the picture that you have of somebody who's very confident. It's really grounded in trust. So this can look very differently from person to person and how that is embodied, it's relational, it's resilient. It's that inner, yes, that allows us to really move forward despite. Uncertainty. So confidence doesn't hold that. We know everything. We've got it all figured out. We have the skills. it doesn't even always mean that we know what we're doing. It means that we have that trust. So how do we get confidence? This is something that comes up in coaching a lot, is that lack of confidence can hold us back or the thought that we have a lack of confidence, the story that we're telling ourselves. But contrary to popular belief, confidence again isn't something that we're born with or without. So I've heard, so people have said to me, I'm just not a very confident person. That's a choice that we make. It's something that we build So maybe in our childhood that early temperament that environment that we were growing up in, those all matter. but confidence is ultimately the result of experience and repetition And this is why. Some of us do land into adulthood and into that places of autonomy and agency and not feeling very confident. But the nice thing is that we're not stuck there In behavioral psychology, this process is known as the confidence competence loop. First, you take action even if you don't really feel ready. This is that messy action that you take when you have an idea, but maybe not the time to really research it. Perhaps like how I started this podcast, you take action. Even if you don't feel ready, you learn from the result. So when I started this podcast, I had done almost zero research on how to do that on sound. And then I recorded my first episode and then I went back and figured out, okay, that doesn't sound as good as the podcast I listen to. I'm not sure that's really something I would listen to because of the distractions and the noise quality. So I learned from the result if the the listening number tends to increase, then I learn from that result. If I stay the same, then I'm learning from that too. So either way is not a failure. I'm still doing the thing I meant to do or that I intend to do, and I'm building the skill. So one, take action. Two, learn from result. Three, build the skill. Four, experience success. Notice that you take action and learn and build before you experience success. And that's almost always how it is. I think we have a tendency to tell ourselves that we will take action and then experience success. And if we don't experience success, then maybe we quit on ourselves and we tell ourselves that we aren't capable or we aren't good enough to experience this success when really it was that we got this loop all out of order. So take action, learn from the result, build the skill, experience, success, and then feel more confident. it really doesn't happen. authentically in any other order. Every small win becomes that deposit on your internal trust account, and with time identity begins to shift so you no longer see yourself as someone who's trying. You see yourself as someone who's. Capable. It was a good year into podcasting before, and I had a couple invitations because I had a podcast, and people don't know how long you're doing it or where you are on your journey. They just hear your podcast. And I had a couple invitations to talk about how to start a podcast and how to grow a podcast, and I just really didn't see myself as being successful enough to really be able to teach other people. I was still in that process of building the skill and learning the result. I didn't have that confidence, over time, you'd stop seeing yourself as someone who's trying, and you see yourself as someone who is capable. Now, this competence, competence loop is ongoing. It's it doesn't stop there. You feel more confident than you take action. You learn from that result. You build the skill, you experience success, you feel a little more confident, and it just, it's perpetual. It just keeps going, and that identity reinforces future action. So it's that self strengthening cycle. Now how we feel confident is another matter as well. So confidence isn't just mental, it's really deeply physical. Neuroscience tells us that the confident brain looks different. So there are some things that we can do to feel more confident even when we maybe. I don't believe we are more confident. So even when the story is not fully developed and we haven't gotten there, we can start to build in some of those ways that we can feel confident. going back to the neuroscience and how that brain looks different, the prefrontal cortex is shown to be more active, helping us think clearly. Plan and regulate those emotions, and then the amygdala is a little quieter, reducing our fear response and helping us to act with clarity instead of reactivity. So you think about public speaking, Public speaking is known to be something that creates fear and we are afraid and you get stage fright and we have, there are people who have been speaking for a really long time that just have never gotten over that completely. And some of that, there are good reasons for that because you want to put your best effort forward and so you can use that energy. And so maybe it's more excitement than it is nervousness or fright, but. Our bodies don't know the difference, so our bodies will react biologically or physiologically in the same way. So as we feel more confident and as we do that thing more. Often, and we get some experience that amygdala starts to quiet a little bit and we're able to really tap into the prefrontal cortex work that helps us think clearly and regulate our emotions when we're maybe in front of people's. Sticking with that public speaking example. Now, neurochemically confidence is fueled by dopamine, serotonin, and testosterone, And there's some really fascinating studies on this too, what we're gonna talk about, Where embodied cognition comes in. But first of all, dopamine drives motivation and reward, and each forward step releases dopamine and reinforces that action. So when I say take messy action. I know that when you take messy action, you're going to have a release of dopamine. And sometimes that means having a meeting, agreeing to speak up, agreeing to speak about something or teach someone. Sometimes it's taking someone under your wing to agree to be a preceptor, agree to a presentation, whatever that looks like for you. When you take that step forward, even if it's messy, you're going to have that little dopamine release that reinforces that action. And then serotonin is linked with wellbeing and social confidence And science has a confident body. PO posture actually boosts serotonin levels as well. And then we have testosterone that fuels confidence neurochemically by increasing that assertiveness and risk tolerance. And this is in both men and women. Now, this is where embody that embodied cognition that I made a reference to comes in how we stand, how we breathe, and how we move affects how we think and feel. I have taught whole crowds on how to do the power pose because I was so fast. By this work. And even in stressful moments in the hospital setting, I've taken my colleague aside and taught them how to do a power pose. this is evidence backed, approach to taking control over those moments and shifting how we embody those feelings again, embodied cognition. And this comes from Amy Cuddy's research. If you have heard read her book presence or checked her Ted Talk out. It's. For a long time. I, when it come out in 2000, it's been out for years and for a long time it was the second most listened to Ted Talk. Amy Cuddy's research showed that something as simple as standing tall or taking a power pose can shift our internal state. I'm gonna put the link to her Ted talk in the notes so that you don't have to go searching for it, but it's really fascinating research. Telling us that posture isn't superficial. It's that somatic psychology at work, and it's really fascinating. I encourage you to lean into it and adopt it. It would be a really good thing to put into a morning ritual or even a pre speaking or pre-meeting, or anytime that you're going into a pre-interview. Anytime you're going into a situation where you're stepping out. And you wanna tap into that confidence. Adopting a power pose or really just even paying attention to your body language is really important. Now, I said I was gonna create some distinctions for us because I think we need to understand the difference between self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-efficacy. A lot of times these are used interchangeably and there are, these are three terms that refer to really different inner capacities. And knowing the difference will help us to grow each one with intention without having to focus on one or the other. And I think they really build on each other. And I think it's a nice balance. And so I wanna make this distinction because it makes a difference to me. Maybe, hopefully it will to you. first of all, self-confidence. So this is where people, where the story comes in that I don't feel very confident in myself. And Amy's in Amy Cuddy's work, she. Actually says sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. And she shares a personal story about how that was true for her and how she used body language to do that. Anyway, self-confidence becomes a factor that holds us back. If we're not feeling confident that we are can lead or influence or speak, we will. Be silent and we won't put ourselves out there and we won't find out what is possible. So the belief in your ability to succeed in specific situations is where this self-confidence comes into play. It's very task specific, and it builds really only through action. It says, I believe I can handle this. And then it grows through practice feedback and mastery. Now that's different from self-esteem. Self-esteem is your overall sense of worth and value as a person, and it's really more global and emotional. It says, I am worthy just as I am. And it grows through compassion and identity work and belonging. So you can see how those two things are different. you can have a high self-esteem and low self-confidence, and the other way around, how much more powerful would it be if we tapped into the distinction here so that we can balance those out, not work on one or the other, or think that because I don't feel worthy, then I'm not sure that I can handle this. This is how I see this distinction playing out, is that someone who doesn't believe they're worthy just as they are, May shy away from that building that confidence through action because they don't feel worthy, they also have to believe that they can't handle that action, and that's just not true. Again, self-confidence is the, I believe I can handle this self-esteem is I am worthy just as I am Now, self-efficacy is a term that's was coined by Albert Pandora, and that's fascinating work as well. I encourage you to lean into that. This is your belief in the ability to influence events and outcomes. It. Really speaks to motivation and perseverance and grit, and it says I can create change, and it grows through goal setting and reflection and really vicarious success. Others do it and you believe that you can too. Now, self-efficacy, why that matters is that if you're feeling stuck or anxious. Teasing apart these layers can help really get you at the root of the problem. If you have low confidence, You approach this with practice and mastery. If you feel that low self-esteem, then giving yourself some self-compassion and doing some identity work. Low efficacy, that's about empowerment and goal clarity. These are all things that we can work to. Build that confidence, which again, is that ecosystem of inner trust. And that's where we wanna get, and we can get to that by embracing all of these things and not confusing them, but really knowing how to approach that. If you're feeling like, oh, I don't, I need more clarity on this. Schedule a chat with me and we'll get clear on this. it's a 20 minute chat, and we can get you pointed in the right direction, help you identify, which. Of these things that do you really need to work at? what's the root cause of the thing that is maybe standing in your way of your full potential and finding out what is possible Now confidence also isn't permanent. We can have our confidence majorly shaken by an event or a even a comment made by a person. Feedback that we get confidence fluctuates and that is human, but it's also a renewable resource like energy and focus and a lot of the other things that we desire. The key is to learn how to replenish it when life wears it down. to cultivate self efficacy. We're gonna track our wins and celebrate them, even the small ones, and this is a big reason why, how. Why I structure my coaching sessions and coaching group the way I do, because this is so important to reflect on those things that we've done. I can't even tell you how many times I've talked to people that feel like they're not doing anything or they're not making any progress just because they aren't at the end goal yet. Where this plays out, say you're an entrepreneur, building a business, or you're a professional trying to reach a certain. Level of your profession or leadership ability, and you feel like, I've been at this for so long and I am just, I'm not making any progress. It's usually not true. when I speak to entrepreneurs, they're already doing all the things that they say that they're going to be doing when they're successful. They're just doing them on maybe not the level that they're shooting for. So tracking wins and celebrating them, even the small ones will cultivate that self-efficacy, that ability to believe that you have the power to change things, then anchored with rituals. I love rituals and creating a confidence ritual with breath work. Aromatherapy with music or movement. Trying some of these. Poses are like even just incorporating a power pose. These rituals will engage that nervous system and they serve as anchors Helping you to recall the evidence that you have for the strengths that you have displayed in when you're presented with stressful situations or different circumstances when you stepped up, creating that confidence ritual could really be a powerful thing to incorporate in your morning routine or even in your celebration of the end of the day, however you want to incorporate that or however that would be meaningful to you now. Another way we hold on to confidence is to regulate the nervous system. Confidence really is inaccessible when you are dysregulated. when we don't sleep or when we encounter a number of stressors, that is when we are going to hit that spiral. It's, that's the dysregulation I'm talking about. So we can use vagus nerve practices like slow breathing, humming, grounding, touch, even cold exposure to shift into that state of clarity and presence and courage. We can do that in real time as on the go, just by. Creating some simple strategies another reason to schedule that 20 minute chat with me. We can create a powerful ritual for you to take forward and. And some of these rituals are life changing. All right? Reframe. Failure is another way we can maintain that confidence or sustain it or bring it back. Hold onto it. Remembering that what erodes our confidence isn't really the failure. It isn't the fall. So when we fall on our faces, That's not what shakes our confidence. What shakes our confidence is the story that we tell about it. Failure isn't identity. It's information. Neuroplasticity reminds us that our brains learn through error and adjustment. Remember that confidence competence loop where we take action, learn from the result, build skill, experience, success, and then feel more confident. That perpetual loop tells us that we can get back up than every misstep is a teacher. So we learn and that's what neuroplasticity is. We learn and we adjust, and then stay in motion. Motion fuels momentum. we know that an object in motion stay tends to stay in motion. So that's what we need to do. I'm not saying that we don't take a little time to maybe lick our wounds, maybe to have a little time, a little downtime to just. Decompress. Maybe take some make, maybe rest, give ourselves a little space. But don't stay there. Don't stay there too long. Set a timer. Set a, a designated time. And maybe, it could be a day, you could take a weekend, but no longer than that. So motion fuels momentum. And so when we act, even in tiny ways, we generate dopamine, shift our identity and re-engage that loop of trust. Don't wait until you feel confident to begin. You've, we've all heard it said, just get back on the horse. That's the same concept. We're gonna begin and then, and trust that confidence will flow. It might be slow, it might be quick, but it will be Progress, not perfection. We're on a journey and all of these things are tools that we can use. They're not tools for us to serve. They should serve us not the other way around. So don't get so militant in all of this. Just give yourself some space and that compassion and know that this is the journey. we take a path, We fall down, we get back up, we move forward, we keep going. And that is the human story. Everybody does it. No matter who you are. the difference between someone who is committed to themselves, committed to the expansion of themselves, to really fulfilling their calling, to finding out what is possible, to defaulting to their extraordinary self, the difference between you. Because you're listening. I'm assuming you're some, you are that person. And the people who don't ever experience the extraordinary, and don't learn really what is possible. It's the getting up, it's the keep moving, it's the getting forward. It's staying on that loop, even when it feels a little exhausting. It's knowing how to balance the self-compassion and the self-confidence and the self-efficacy. All of those things coming together and not getting overwhelmed by it because it's all in the story that you tell yourself. So confidence is not about being the loudest in the room or having all the answers. Again, it's about trust. Trust in our ability to learn, trust in the process of growth, trust in that mastery process, trust in who we're becoming. Confidence still resides at that intersection of a healthy mind, body, and spirit. Confidence grows when we move forward. It gets stronger when we learn. It stays around when we regulate and it stays when we practice until it's no longer something that we have to perform. But it's something that we embody Okay, so let's wrap this up and move forward in our week so that we can really go to work, making it happen. again, confidence isn't a trait that we just magically wake up with. It's not something that you either have or don't have. It's a relationship that we build with ourselves, our actions and our bodies, and it's the truth that we choose to believe. It's not bravado or perfection, it's trust. Trust that even when things are hard, we are not powerless. We can learn. We can grow. We can move. We highlighted today that confidence has roots in trust. It grows through motion, and it studies through regulation. And you've seen how neuroscience and psychology and lived experience all agree that confidence is built not born. So here's our intention for this week. Act. As if not to fake it, but to practice it. Stand tall, speak clearly, move forward, especially when you feel unsure that 1% act of courage might just open the door to a more confident feeling self So I encourage you this week to pick one area of your life where you've been waiting for confidence to arrive before you move. You've been getting ready to get ready. It is time to flip the script. What's one small action that you can take today that says, I trust myself enough to begin? I, and I promise you confidence will meet you on the way. And if it doesn't, you just, you schedule an appointment or you write me a note and let me know In the notes below the audio, you'll find several ways to connect with me. You can send me a voicemail, a text, an email. You can schedule an appointment. I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to hear what you create, I'm confident that confidence will meet you on the way. And remember, confidence isn't something that you hold onto with clenched fists. It's not that we do something and now we're confident. It's something that you return to as a path, as a cycle. With every step forward, you reinforce the truth that you are capable, you are becoming, and you are not alone. All right, until next time. Keep choosing. Yes. Yes. To trust, yes to growth, yes to that confident version of yourself that's already on the inside, just waiting to be embodied as you go out every day and default to yes, your extraordinary self.