How to Build Unshakable Confidence: Starting with Neuroscience and Redefining Self-Trust

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you build. And in this episode of Default to Yes, we’re unpacking the neuroscience behind unshakable self-confidence and how to redefine it for your real life.

We dive into the concept of self-confidence as your reputation with yourself, showing how trust, follow-through, and tiny wins shape your identity and momentum. Backed by science and lived experience, she reveals how dopamine, self-efficacy, and habit stacking help us rewire the brain for trust, action, and resilience.

What you'll learn:

• The neuroscience of confidence: what happens in your brain when you follow through
• A new, grounded definition of self-confidence—and why it matters
• How to “rig the game to win” by stacking small, controllable promises
• Why believing in others builds confidence in you
• A 2-part challenge to grow confidence this week—starting with a glass of water

This is your reminder that you don’t need to do everything at once. You just need to keep one small promise today—and keep showing up.

🎧 Tune in, and then share this episode with a friend who needs a little belief today.

Transcript

0:59

Welcome to another extraordinary week. I'm Julie Reynolds, nurse coach and host of this podcast. I wanna tell you about a moment that changed my life. It's the kind of moment that no one else sees. And it all started in my kitchen early morning, still dark, getting ready for work. Maybe there's one light on and everyone else is sleeping. I stood in front of my coffee pot staring at my water bottle, and it's just. And nothing fancy just a water bottle. But the water bottle re represents a promise. It represents somebody I want to become, somebody I want to be. And. And here's what you need to know. I'd been breaking promises to myself for a while. Tiny ones like I will get up early and exercise. I will write in my journal. I'll go for a walk, and then there are bigger ones like, I'll take care of my body. I'll stop saying yes to everything. Just to be accepted I'll figure out what I really want. And then I'll actually do it. the thing is is that no one else could see that I was breaking my promises. I was still showing up and I was smiling most of the time, or at least when people reminded me to, I was doing the job. I was being passionate and persistent and patient and dependable inside I was eroding. now, on that particular morning, I was tired. I was really tired. I was getting ready for another day of work, and I wasn't really tired from work or parenting or any of the usual suspects. I was tired of not trusting myself, so I made a deal with me, just drink the water. That was it. No 5:00 AM workout, no green smoothie, 30 minute meditation, just one glass of water because something in me knew that If I could keep one promise, I could keep another, and then if I could stack enough of those small wins, I could rebuild something sacred. My self-confidence, I was on a journey of learning some new things. I was in a rough patch. I. Thinking that I needed a whole overhaul and really wanting something, some big change when really it came down to the small change, because that's what confidence is. It's, it's not arrogance, it's not volume, it's not charisma. It's that quiet knowing that when I say I'll do something, I do it. That morning, I drank the water. I stood there in my scrubs with yesterday's to-do list, mocking me from the counter, A collection of supplements, which I probably actually took that morning. I an app full of workout videos, all of the things, and I just whispered to myself. That's one. That was the be and that was the beginning. It was the beginning of something that I call stacking the winds, and I've talked about it before as creating those non-negotiables and stacking them one on another. It's not glamorous, but it works. No one else notices it, but it rewires the brain. Each promise kept as a dopamine drip. It's a little high five to your brain's reward center. It's a whisper that says, see, you're becoming someone you can trust. Since then, I've stacked a lot of ones morning water, stretching, stillness, moments of belief, mindfulness of Roma cognition, breath work. But it started there with one promise, one glass. So if you're listening to this and you feel like you've lost confidence, and if you're doubting your ability to start. Or start again. I want you to go pour yourself a glass of water. not because it's magical, but because you are. and when you drink it, I want you to whisper the same words I did. That's one. And that's how we start. That's how we come home to ourselves, and that's how we become people who believe in ourselves. Again, one promise at a time. That's reinvention. So today we're talking about something that's foundational to. Everything that you wanna be or do or become, and that's self-confidence. We think we don't have it, but really it's right there. And this all came to light in a coaching session because I, I coach from a foundational belief that the people I'm coaching. Have everything they need just might be right under the surface or hiding behind an obstacle that is standing in their way. And it really is just exposing that obstacle, finding that way through it or around it. Now let's be clear, it isn't about ego. This is about trust. I heard a leader Define self-confidence as your reputation with yourself and. I loved that and if that's, and if it sounds a little intense, just stick with me because I'm gonna show you how to build that reputation, one promise at a time. So first of all, here's what neuroscience says. Your brain is a prediction machine. It craves patterns and consistency. And when you follow through on the promise, no matter how small it registers, as a predictable success, that activates the brain's reward system, increasing dopamine and reinforcing the belief that I can count on me. And this builds self-efficacy, the belief that you can influence outcomes in your life. And it's one of the most reliable predictors of long-term success according to behavioral scientists. And guess what? you don't need to wait until you feel confident to start. believe me, I did not feel confident. to tell you the truth, I wouldn't have even probably believed that that was going to lead me, lead me to following through on the other things. but action, every single time comes before confidence. It's never the other way around. So in that stretch of days where I felt I was going through the motions, I had, um, I had gotten up with the in with good intention and just skipped my morning routine, telling myself I would do better tomorrow and then do it again and again, it wasn't catastrophic, but there was something deeper. Like I said, eroding my self trust. I was training my brain to not trust myself. So on that morning that I decided just to drink the water, just one change, I decided that that night I would continue that practice. I filled my water bottle the night before, and I promised myself, you don't have to change your whole life tomorrow, but you will drink this water. and I did, and that sounds so simple, right? And we say it all the time, just drink the water. But it lit a spark. And understanding what that does in your brain, that small promise becomes the beginning of winning in my case, it was the beginning of a winning streak that I didn't even know I needed. So here's how to build the momentum from the inside out. First, rig the game to win, and that means Stack your day with controllable wins. Try these. What time you get up? Maybe some of you need to get up 10 minutes earlier. Maybe some of you need to just forgo snooze options altogether. How much water do you drink? When? How many business contacts do you make? You make when? How many reps or walks or stretches you do when a moment of prayer or meditation? Huge win. Call your mom. Call your friend. Call your kids soul Win. Each one of these is a deposit into your confidence account And the thing about confidence is it earns compound interest. So momentum is a magnifier that's not just a catchy phrase, it's neurochemistry. As you rack up the winds, your brain reinforces those behaviors with Dopamine and myelination, making those pathways stronger each time until all of a sudden you are just someone who drinks water all day. You are just someone exercises, who gets to the gym, who gets up early and does their morning routine. again, It's not magic. You are. that is a huge default to your extraordinary self. Now let me flip this a little bit. and this is a bonus on this. If you want to know what builds your confidence super fast, this is a supercharge and no, it's not essential oils, although essential oils would be powerful for this and to really set these habits, but I'm gonna share, share with you something even more powerful. I know more powerful than essential oils, more power full than your brain alone, believing in someone else, not vaguely, but specifically. Tell your friend, I believe in the way you show up for your kids. Tell your team you are someone who finishes what you start. tell your coworker you are resilient. And I see it. those kind of believe in yourself, compliments will propel them forward and will sharpen that skill that you have of encouragement. In spiritual gifting, we talk about that as affirmation. And when you give really specific compliments, it helps people build their skills. It helps them build on who they already are. So this week, let's be that person, the one that helps others believe again. And as you deposit your belief in others, you will feel it boomerang back to you. and your self-confidence will grow as well. So your default to yes, challenge is stack. First of all, stack small promises. Make them doable, keep them visible and check them off. Create a streak. I love streaks because you, you get like 10 days in. You remember that game that you'd play back and forth on the playground maybe it would be like tossing a ball back and forth with your friend or your sibling, and you'd count and see how many times, well, when you got to a certain number, you did not want to be the one who dropped the ball. And then you both became really invested and then you became invested in the other person's success too, because it was a direct reflection on your experience. create that streak. Once you get 10 days in where you've gotten up and done the thing, kept your word to yourself every single day for 10 days. Do you wanna miss the 11th day? I have a client who's in the thousands with, his, Consistency on his morning routine, and it's an inspiration to all of us. And do you think he's ever gonna break that streak? Well, I would think not because who wants to go from 2000 and something to zero again? Alright. When you do, it's not the end of the world. These are, this is kind of a make, make, believe construct to keep us moving forward anyway, but it's very motivating that intrinsic motivation gets going. But the neuroscience in that is dopamine hits, and that is what our brain craves. So your invitation stack small promises, make them doable, keep them visible, and check them off, and then pour that belief into someone else. Every day this week. Be specific, be sincere, and be the mirror that they didn't know that they needed. Because you're not just building confidence, you're building momentum, and momentum changes everything. I share this all because I believe that you were created to live with confidence, conviction, and clarity. And it starts with the smallest promises that you keep today. and if you're feeling stuck, reach out to me. I'd love to chat with you, because sometimes getting out of your head with this and finding that one obstacle and finding out that you can overcome that one obstacle pretty easily. It just requires getting with a coach. With the right questions, you can move that out and start moving freely towards building this momentum. I'd love to chat with you, so reach out, get on my email list and get more tips. let's get, let's keep this conversation going. All right. If this episode spoke to you, would you please share it with someone who needs who needs a little extra belief, or send me a message? What promises are you making yourself today? I would love to hear about that. remember that you're not too late. You're right on time and That life that you're dreaming of is just one promise away from unfolding in the most unbelievable ways, in the ways that you cannot even think or imagine as you go out every day and default to yes, your extraordinary self.