The Science of Peace as a Practice: Why We Lose Our Calm and How to Get It Back

In this week’s episode of Default to Yes, Nurse Coach Juli Reynolds explores the intersection of neuroscience and soul — teaching how to train your brain and body for calm in a world that constantly pulls you out of it.

We’ll unpack the science behind peace as a trainable state — not just an emotional wish. Learn how your vagus nerve, breath, and daily rituals work together to help you recover from stress, restore balance, and re-engage with the world with purpose.

If you’ve felt reactive, drained, or tempted to “just stop caring,” this episode will help you rediscover your center and your calling.

You’ll learn:

• What happens in the brain when stress hijacks your calm
• The role of the vagus nerve in emotional resilience
• How breathwork and essential oils regulate your nervous system
• Why resignation isn’t peace — and how to shift back into engagement
• A simple 3-step daily ritual to strengthen your peace reflex

Resources Mentioned:

• Peace in Motion Challenge — train your brain and body for calm and connection
• Essential oils for peace: Bergamot, Cedarwood, and Frankincense

 Join the Peace in Motion Challenge — a guided week to restore your mind-body connection and build resilience from the inside out.
👉 https://www.coachingwithjuli.com/peace

Transcript

0:59

Welcome to another Extraordinary week. I am Julie Reynolds. I'm your host on the Default Yes Podcast Nurse Coach Aromatherapist and your breath coach. I am so glad that you're here because we're gonna talk about, something that I think comes up for all of us in different times, some of us. Every day. So I wanna ask you, first of all, have you noticed how easy it is to feel tense and reactive, or just plain tired of caring this. Happens, right? And we start to think that there's something wrong with us. And so I wanna talk about like normalize that a little bit and help us to be able to cope with that as well so that we can keep defaulting to our extraordinary selves and keep showing up in the world in the way that we really want to, training our brains to cooperate with us. We set intentions in the morning and then maybe something even early on happens. Sometimes it's even something that we hear on the news on the way to work. something gets us going in the direction of tension or being reactive, or again, just plain tired of caring. So whether it's politics or workplace stress, world news, or even family dynamics, it can feel like noise. it just never ends. And when it gets too loud, we do what humans have done for generations. We just. Tuned it out. We say it's just too much. We stop watching the news. We stop speaking up. We stop hoping that anything can really change, and that's how resignation begins. Just one quiet surrender at a time. But what if peace isn't the absence of problems? What if peace is the presence of purpose instead, and even in the middle of chaos, what if we just had a different thought? Today we're gonna talk about the science of peace, how to train our brains and, and our hearts for calm. Because peace isn't passive, it's powerful, and it's something that you can literally train your nervous system to return to again and again. I come from a Christian worldview, and so that means that I look to scripture a lot for the way it should be, the way my life should look, and Jesus says this really interesting thing that caught me this week. Jesus says, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light. This is in Matthew. Chapter 11. He was speaking to people who were exhausted, not just physically, but they were spiritually and emotionally exhausted and weighed down by a heavy yoke of a religious legalism, guilt, striving, and the constant effort to earn God's approval. That was the system that they were in, and their political climate working against them in an agrarian world. at the time, a yolk was a wooden beam, used to pair two oxen together and to share a load. So the easy yolk was one that fit, well balanced and smooth, and made work possible. Without so much pain. Jesus was saying, come into alignment with me. Walk beside me. Let me carry the weight that was never yours to bear. And his yoke would be his way of life, his mindset, his relationship with the father, and all of that brings rest and not pressure. It's not a call to laziness, but to partnership. That's so important to really grasp the meaning that it would've had to the people who are listening. the Greek word for easy is Christos, C-H-R-E-S-T-O-S. And that means well fitting. It doesn't mean effortless. It's a yoke designed for you, your shoulders, your stride, your purpose, and light. A laro means not heavy or not oppressive. So when our inner life is aligned with grace and love rather than guilt or fear, the same external load feels lighter. I felt that very encouraging because it goes along with one of the best pieces of advice that I ever got when I first started on a pathway to create my own business, which in itself is a personal growth exercise. And I was asking somebody who was experiencing some success that I wanted to create in my own life, and she said, stay in your own lane. Now I have since then, allowed circumstances and allowed, external voices, and some internal voice as well to deter me from that path from time to time. And I veered off that maybe looking for the shiny object, maybe pursuing some other things that I thought, well, maybe this will work. Better. And I have since come full circle, even just recently, to really what that path is. So for me that's, it's really resonating to me how the yoke is easy, when it fits and it's balanced and you're in alignment. So now let's talk about a little neuroscience parallel. I love to see some of the things, again, my worldview is a Christian worldview. I like to view things through the lens of maybe how Jesus lived for us to see. And since I wasn't there, there's a lot of questions there. There's a lot of, Unknowns in that. And so I also look at what I can, pull from data and from evidence and from science to inform me about how humans work and how our bodies work and how we're designed. And I love to see those parallels. So here's our neuroscience parallel. When you're yoked with fear. Or performance driven pressure, your nervous system stays in that fight or flight mode, and then you burn out at least mentally, mentally, physically, and spiritually really. But when you yolk yourself to peace and trust and With alignment, your body literally shifts into parasympathetic regulation. That's the vagal tone improves breathing, deepens cortisol drops, and oxytocin rises. Jesus's invitation wasn't metaphorical only, It's neurobiologically, restorative, and grace. regulates the nervous system, and that's grace towards you. That's grace towards others. Grace towards the circumstances, just offering that grace. So this is a personal coaching prompt as well. What yoke am I carrying that isn't mine? So ask yourself that today through practices like breath, work and aroma, cognition, prayer and presence, you can really re-pattern your body's response to stress. Choosing that easy yolk of alignment instead of the heavy yolk of self imposing striving. I love that. So let's start with the science. You've probably heard of the vagus nerve. It's the longest nerve in your body, connecting the brain to the heart, lungs, and gut. And it's like the body's built-in peacekeeper. When your vagus nerve is activated, your heart rate slows, your digestion improves, and your breath deepens, and your brain shifts outta that survival mode and into connection mode. And this is called vagal tone and it's measurable People with higher vagal tone recover from stress faster and experience greater emotional stability in compassion and resilience. So think of it like this. Every time that you intentionally calm your body, you strengthen that peace reflex, and that's where science meets the soul because peace isn't just about something that's just happens when you, when life gets easy. Peace is something that we practice when life gets hard. I need to say that again? Because maybe you need to hear that peace is not something that happens when things get easy. Peace is something that we practice when life gets hard. So we train our brains for calm. Your brain has two main operating systems, reactive and reflective. And when you're reactive, the amygdala, your alarm center takes over. You interpret everything as a threat. You feel powerless. You shut down or lash out. But when you activate your prefrontal cortex, your higher reflective brain, you gain access to clarity and compassion and creativity. This is where peace lives. I've had to learn this and train my brain even to, because I tend to have, feelings or opinions about something very quickly, and what I need to do in those circumstances is also hold that back so that I can get into a more reflective and responsive state before I state that. Now, there are some people I know that can just spout out their opinions and go on their way, but I found that wisdom and peace, are more apt to come when I can be quiet in the moment and not react to some of those things. So I've learned to check my body with some of these emotions by having an opinion at the same time that my heart's rate is going a little bit Maybe I find myself holding my breath, which is something that, we tend to do when we start to, you hear some, maybe you get some bad news or you get somebody expresses an opinion that you don't agree with. Our breathing changes. So I've learned to really notice where it shows up in my body first. So what are those stories and what are those thoughts that are coming at you when your body, maybe your stomach tenses or maybe. if I smirk or if I roll my eyes, there's something else in that I'm doing that in a response to something else. And I know at those times, this is not the time to open your mouth, so unless you're breathing, this is something I've had to really learn over time. And to tell you the truth, when it comes, I've, I got pretty good at it. Except for the workplace, because things move so quickly and I get blindsided a lot. because I'm not a leader in the room when the decisions are made, I'm catching these things in staff meetings and in memos or in the hallway when somebody tells me this happened or this has changed, and I immediately form an opinion now. I've had to work really hard at this, especially in the workplace because, and I've learned how to learn by. Accepting the feedback that I get from other people. I'm told that my face shows everything, so I have to really pay attention to my face and practice that. No emotion on the face or, so I've been practicing a certain facial expression that I will hold during a whole staff meeting. Now, I'm not perfect at this actually, if I'm honest. last week and it was, I was actually successful. Twice. So, so I, I can only say that, that I am in process training my brain, especially like I said in the workplace first of all, epiphany is that I can go for a really long time in the workplace without anybody ever asking my opinion. So that should tell me something, right? So again, a lesson in state in your lane. I was watching the Diplomat and there was a scene with tension involved in which there was a decision to, like, do I speak up or do I just. Do I know that these three people made the decision and so now we just have to go with it, even though I know it's a bad idea. I just need to play, let it play out because it's not my place. How many times are you in that situation? And this is where we are. We need to a lot of times. And then it's a place to just stay in your lane. This is where peace lives. And here's the key. Your brain is trainable and we can figure this out. So three practices can literally rewire your nervous. Them towards that piece. And I do these every single morning because it doesn't happen in the moment when you're faced with something, that is challenging. It happens before, just like professional athletes don't just step onto the field before they spend a lot of hours practicing and honing their craft. So same thing with training your brain. So, okay, breath work. There's a simple 4, 7, 8 pattern where you inhale for four, hold for seven, and exhale for eight. That's counting to eight. Not necessarily seconds, but just inhale. Count to four, hold count to seven. Exhale count to eight. That engages the vagal nerve and signals your that safety to your body. So try it once right now. Let's go ahead and do that. You can almost feel that shift, even just doing that one time. Imagine doing that maybe two or three times for just a little bit, Intentional. 4, 7, 8, breathing. That's your nervous system. Remembering peace. When you feel that shift, your heart rate slows. You feel more present in the moment. That's your nervous system. Again, resetting, remembering, peace, aligning. All right. Then aroma of course, is another thing that I'm gonna, talk about because aroma and memory go together. There are certain essential oils like bergamo or cedarwood, frankincense that contain natural compounds that influence. Neurotransmitters linked to calm and confidence. That's what essential oils are. They're messengers. So for example, studies show that bergamot inhalation can lower cortisol and balance dopamine, so that helps us feel more grounded and less overwhelmed. This is science behind aroma cognition, using those aromas to anchor new mental and emotional patterns. I love to teach this skill to anyone who wants to learn it, because I think it's accessible. you have it everywhere you go. Very easy to carry around with you. a small vial of oil. I think it's important. to have a high quality oil because that's some of the oils that you could get over, at a store or on Amazon. Those oils are not necessarily what. they're not necessarily pure and don't have the chemistry, so you might not get the outcome that you want. They might smell okay, and they might be, good replicas of that aroma, but they're not going to hold the chemistry profile that a high quality oil will. So I'm gonna really, encourage you to pursue a high quality oil. And if you wanna know the oils that I trust, I'd love to talk to you. and I'd love to teach you some of these techniques. Third focused attention. When you choose what you will pay attention to, you reclaim agency. Peace isn't pretending that the world isn't hard but it's staying aware without letting fear be the narrator. That means you can listen to the news and you can be informed of what's going on because you've already determined what is your lane and what you're going to care about and what you're going to pay attention to. So you can pay attention and reclaim that agency. I know in the workplace that my job is not to make decisions for the whole business, the whole institution or the workplace. My job is to show up and take care of the patients that I'm assigned to care for them in a way that I would want my family cared for, the way I would want to be cared for. And that is. That's my job. That is what I'm there for. And so then I can pay attention to the other things and I can speak up when policies are made that affect that care. But I can do it in a way that just offers. Here's what I'm thinking. how this is going to affect my patient care, and I can get guidance on that and then I can let it go. Alright? So there's a lot of things and there's a lot of ways that this can apply in the home, in the community, in politics, in relationships, right? so let's talk a little bit about making that distinction between resignation versus restoration. So let's talk a little bit about resignation mindset for just a minute, because I think we all, drift here sometimes, you could do this in relationships, in your work, in your career, in your community, in your home, all these different things. So I want you to kind of think a little bit about where would this apply to you. And it sounds a lot like this. Nothing I do matters. It doesn't matter if I speak up, the world is too broken, it's too far gone. I'll just take care of me and I'll stay out of it. It feels safe at first, but long term it numbs your capacity to hope and to connect and to contribute. And the truth is the world doesn't need more people who have given up. It needs more people who are calm enough to think clearly and courageous enough to care deeply. When your brain and heart are regulated, you see opportunity instead of only obstacle. And you notice the one small place that you can make a difference, a conversation, a kindness, a creative idea, a prayer, a post, a plan. There are things that you can do that will make a difference, and that's what it means to train for peace, not to avoid the world. But to engage it with presence and power. when I started, combining the breath work with essential oils and started doing some things to take care of that alignment and to be able to understand where my energy was just being zapped. and something simple like wild orange and frankincense on my pulse points, or even in the palm of my hands, just deep breathing for 90 seconds. It was small, but it became a ritual that I could do even in my car transitioning from sometimes it was in the morning before I got into work. Sometimes I will do this in the afternoon. And then sometimes it's after work, before I head home. And over time that ritual began to really rewire my reflexes. I started immediately craving it, thinking This is what I need. Instead of marinating in that moment for a while and then going, oh, I have a tool for that. I started immediately going to that. Because, well, for one, it's enjoyable, even if it didn't have the outcome, it was an enjoyable couple minutes of just breathing in those amazing aromas. But I noticed too that along with My learning how to do some mindfulness, take some moments of mindfulness, I stopped reacting and I started responding. I got good at stopping my brain from spinning outta control or just going flat, and I started being able to immediately engage that prefrontal cortex. I became more aware and more available to God to speak to me, to people, and to purpose. Peace became a practice. It wasn't such a luxury anymore. It felt like I've got these oils and I've got this aroma and I'm doing this amazing practice. But then it became very practical and something that I think, would benefit everyone. So here are three ways to start training your brain and heart at four calm this week. First start your morning with a vagal activation ritual. Two minutes of just slow breathing. If you have oils, apply that calming oil blend. Try that bergamot, frankincense, and cedarwood or lavender, and set that intention. I am grounded. I am guided. I am grateful. I like to just put my hand over my heart, breathe in those oils and put my hand over my heart when I say that because there's something really energetic about that motion and reminding myself, because then during the day, I could even put my hand over my heart without saying it. and I get that same messaging Two, notice your reactivity throughout the day when tension rises. Don't run from it. Don't escape it. Pause, breathe, re-anchor. That's neuroplasticity in real time. You will notice the shift over time. If you practice this consistently, you practice this every day. I will say for two weeks straight, you will notice the shifts. It'll be subtle at first, and then you will be wowed. I promise you. I did not expect that, and I started seeing these shifts and I was just really amazed because I don't think I could have done it any other way. And so, end your day with reflection. Morning routines are talked about a lot, if you're somebody who hits the morning routine, you know, the power of that, so you're going to keep doing it. What I find is that people tend not to do the end of day reflection, and this was the hardest part for me too, because at the end of the day you're like, alright, that was a bust and I'll just start over tomorrow. Or you are elated, you had a great day and you have things to celebrate, but you don't. Integrate those into your story. I think that's where a lot of us go wrong in general with wins, is we forget to integrate them into our narrative to make it, part of our identity and to acknowledge that we have been working. And it's where that we're seeing what we're doing to be effective and we're becoming who we want to be and we're starting to show up in the world in the way we really want to. The only way we get to really celebrate that and really acknowledge it and notice it is if we integrate those wins into our life. And a big part of that is that end of day reflection. Ask yourself, where did I choose peace today? And where did I let fear narrate? What can I reframe tomorrow? This is a one where you're giving yourself grace, that if you, if you're in the, today was a bust, well that didn't go well. You can reframe for tomorrow and you can be intentional about that. So you're not trying to escape the world. You're learning to engage it without losing your center. Peace is not passive. It's an active skill. So every breath, every moment of awareness strengthens your capacity to live from it. So this week I invite you to join me at the Peace and Motion Challenge. It's a guided experience to help you retrain your nervous system for calm. So if you need some help with this, and you need something that's gonna keep you on this path for 10 days straight, then click the link below and join me there. Through breath and aroma, cognition and mindful movement, you can really do a lot to move yourself forward into this alignment towards that easy yolk. If you don't have oils, then just focus on the breath and the movement you will, even mindfulness. there are guides for that as well. Again, if you need assistance, putting a strategy, I'm here to help. I offer you, every week I offer you a free consult to set up a strategy and get you pointed in that right direction. I love those talks with people. I love those times that we can just connect and I get to hear from you what you're struggling with. I get to hear where your wins are, what you're trying, your dreams, what you're trying to accomplish, and that feeds my soul. And I get to help you design a strategy that actually works for you, that's customized, that you will actually do and costs nothing. So. Again, through breath work and Roma cognition through mindful movement, all of those things are a way to bring your nervous system into that alignment and into that calm'cause when your body feels safe, your brain can dream again. And when your brain and heart align, peace doesn't just happen to you, it moves through you in everything that you do. Until next time, share this with a friend so that you can go on this journey together That would mean they'll also mean the world to me. and stay grounded and stay curious as you go out every day and default to yes, your extraordinary self.