“For the One Who Feels Like She Does Everything”

For the One Who Feels Like She Does Everything: Burnout, December Brain, and the Shift Toward a Healthier Year

Episode Summary:
In this heartfelt and evidence-based episode, Juli speaks directly to the woman who carries the emotional, mental, and practical weight of the holiday season. Drawing inspiration from the new Prime Video film Oh. What. Fun. and Michelle Pfeiffer’s portrayal of Claire—the mom who tries to create the “perfect Christmas” alone—we explore what happens when women feel unseen, unsupported, and overwhelmed.

Juli breaks down the neuroscience of “December brain,” the cost of chronic over-functioning, why asking for help can still leave women disappointed, and the identity-level shift that transforms burnout into possibility. She shares the better thought that helps rewire old patterns, and she invites listeners into a new vision: a year where joy is shared, responsibility is mutual, and support is non-negotiable.

This episode is both a mirror and a roadmap—a compassionate reminder that you don’t have to earn rest, prove your worth, or carry everything alone. And if you’re ready to step into your healthiest year ever, Juli introduces The Yes Society as a space for growth, connection, and a science-backed pathway to a sustainable, joy-filled life.

Listen now and start your reset.

CLICK HERE if you are ready for some recallibration! 

Transcript

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Today I wanna sit with the woman who feels like she carries Christmas on her back. I wanna talk to the woman who coordinates the plans, buys the gifts, cues, the joy, wraps the meaning around the whole season, like a ribbon, and then quietly wonders. Why does no one notice how much this takes? The woman with a good heart, good intentions, and a nervous system held together by peppermint prayer and pure perseverance. If that's you, I see you. And this might not just be you during the holidays, but it's when you might feel it most, it might be that quiet. Wondering about why if this such a joyous season, what is off about it? What can you do to make this your experience as well? Today we're gonna talk about what happens when the load gets too heavy and what neuroscience tells us about the December brain and How we can turn this season and this year into something healthier, more sustainable, and more honest. And yes, I'm gonna share the path forward. for those of you who are done doing everything or just done doing everything. So if you're like me, you have a lot of conversations right now about all the things that we're doing, parties and gifts and all of the things of the holidays there's a certain, almost. we don't wanna admit that it's not as fun as we think it should be, or that we think it could be, or we're not experiencing the joy that we're trying to bring to others. And last night then I watched, a. Michael Show Water's New Prime video Christmas film. Oh, what fun with Michelle Pfeiffer, who plays Claire, a mom who has spent her whole life making the holidays magical for her family. Her kids are grown and outta the house living real adult lives, and still she carries the weight of creating the perfect Christmas. She plans, coordinates, cooks, preps, cleans, organizes while her husband Nick offers, well, let's just say limited. Contribution. Claire doesn't become resentful because she doesn't love her family. She becomes resentful because she does. I think we experience that in the workplace. I work with a lot of nurses and this is where compassion fatigue comes in when we serve. She wants Christmas to matter, and she wants them to feel held and connected and cared for. And she wants the joy that she spent decades trying to create. like so many women, she keeps hoping that someone will see her pitch in notice or even offer help so that she doesn't have to ask. And like so many other women, she just keeps hoping that someone will see her pitch in or even just offer help so that she doesn't have to ask. And I don't mean the kind of asking where you ask for help reach your breaking point. And then they offer to help and say, if you tell me exactly what to do, I will do it later. I don't need that kind of help. We all know what that feels like, but here's the thing, even when she does ask, she's ignored. And that is where reality hits home for a lot of women that I coach There's a specific fatigue that comes from asking for help and not receiving it, from being asked for your opinion, and then it's not cons actually considered for asking for your feedback, and then they go on with their plans anyway. This happens in the home. This happens in the workplace, and probably not just to women, but in this case I'm talking to you. Neuroscience calls this learned emotional suppression, and When the brain decides it's easier to stay quiet than to risk being disappointed again, it shows up as exhaustion and resignation and that I'll just do it myself. December tends to intensify this. We are already overstimulated, overscheduled, undersupported, and the prefrontal cortex is tired. The amygdala is on high alert. We're trying to create memories while our bodies whisper. This is just too much. You're carrying more than you should. You weren't meant to do this alone. And in the film, Claire reaches her breaking point, but she doesn't scream. She doesn't shame anyone. She does something really radical. She takes care of herself. She steps out of her role that she has been performing her entire life. she finally chooses what she wants and goes after it. And that's the plot twist. The world doesn't prepare women for that. Sometimes healing begins when you stop trying to be everything So what is the better thought that we can choose when we get into this pattern, it might look something like this. I can love my people without abandoning myself. I can love and serve others without abandoning myself. Better doesn't mean blaming. Better doesn't mean lowering expectations. Better means shifting the operating system. So what if the goal wasn't the perfect Christmas? And what if it wasn't doing everything right? What if it wasn't having everything that you think you need? What if the new goal was shared? Joy, shared responsibility, shared emotional labor. when I have mentioned this in private conversations, it just falls on silence, like we have to really think about what that means. Joy is not meant to be produced by one person for everyone else, although I think a lot of women think that this is their responsibility. Joy is meant to be shared, created mutually and held in community. And I think women in general tend to take that on themselves, see that as their role and as their responsibility, and almost as their sacrifice. there's a moment at the end of the movie where the chaos softens. It's still present, but the family reconnects and everyone shows up a little differently. The same kind of things have to get done, but there's a definite shift. And that moment didn't come from Claire working harder. It came from Claire stopping. She stopped the over-functioning, the silent resentment, the self-sacrifice that had become her default setting. Where is that showing up for you, would you say? And because she changed that pattern, everyone else eventually had to adjust. There's definitely a truth too, that we teach other people how we wanna be treated, and this could be in the home, in the workplace, in the community, in women. Need to learn this. I don't just coach women and I do learn a lot from the difference is it is the mentality or the way that men and women show up for themselves. the idea of. I'm going to show you how I deserve to be treated is a completely different world for men and women. neuroscience calls that pattern adjustment system recalibration, when one person shifts, the entire relational system must rebalance. this same principle is in place when when dysfunction. replaced with a more functional, somebody gets therapy, somebody quits drinking. These things happen and the whole family has to shift. It's also what pulls people back into behaviors that they've wanted to avoid. Just to restore balance. we really need to pay attention to that because making these shifts is not easy, and requires a lot of hard conversation, it requires paying attention to what we really want. because everyone rebalances, and if that is an intention, intentional, we'll pull right back into patterns that we have, that, that don't serve us well. That's what I want for you though. Not a louder, more exhausted version of you, but a healthier one, a supported one, and a year shaped, not by burnout, but by intention. And that's not an easy shift to make sometimes. So here's what we know scientifically. One, your brain is more adaptable in seasons of emotional intensity, and two, compassion fatigue is reversible with rest and boundaries and community. We don't have to give up or resign to that. we're just stuck in this. burnout improves when we change identity level expectations and not just schedules. So doing less or just being quiet or just building in me time it's gonna take a little bit more than that. we need to change some expectations and some mindsets, some thoughts that produce those emotions. New habits take root more easily after a season of reflection, and that's exactly what December offers. So what does this mean for us? It means this season is the perfect moment to declare that next year won't look like this. Not because you magically have more help But because you'll stop defaulting to the role of that silent superhero, this is where the healing begins, and you don't have to do it alone. In fact, you really shouldn't. This is the kind of journey you go on with friends, which is why every week I say, if this resonates with you, share this with a friend or a family member that you trust, somebody that you can go on this journey with. We wanna create a big community of those who want to get up every day and default to extraordinary. this is also an opportunity that I have to invite you to check out the Yes. Society a community that I've created. It's a pathway into a different kind of year. I think every year should be the best year. I think every year should be our healthiest year, and we can do that when we do it together. If you resonated with Claire's story, first of all, if you haven't watched the show, watch the show. And if you're tired of being one who keeps everything afloat, and if you're, or if you're longing for a community that supports you the way that you support everyone else, then I wanna invite you into the Yes society. This is for those who want to heal burnout without losing their ambition, who wanna create a healthier mind, body, and spirit, starting from the cellular level who want to stop over-functioning and start living intentionally and who want to redefine their identity in midlife, want that joy again, or real joy, not the kind you manufacture for everyone else. The Yes, society is a lot of self coaching, and then you have the opportunity to do more intentional work one-on-one with me as we coach our way through the year to really find out what we're capable of, what this year could really hold. We'll. Spend January laying the foundation for your healthiest year ever. by clarifying values and regulating your nervous system, resetting habits, rewriting identity patterns, and really reconnect with who you were made to be. So if that moment I described for Pike of Claire's sounded familiar or felt familiar, or if you're ready for your own recalibration and craving that end scene, it's a beautiful scene. Claire is sitting in a hot tub, her family is in the kitchen, they are enjoying each other, cooking and putting things together while she's in the hot tub, overlooking the mountains in the winter, sipping champagne. So you can imagine, right? I'm sure she did a good amount of work to set this up. She probably made the reservations for this place. But she allowed that space for her family to step in, for other people to step in, and by just not always trying to do everything. This is where we can tend to blame ourselves. We can say, well, If we stopped doing these things, they just wouldn't get done. This is where we have to get intentional and be honest with. Where we are and how we stop and align, through coaching, we can get at what is honest. So this is your invitation. You don't need to wait for everyone else to change. You don't need to wait for someone to finally offer help. You don't need to wait for permission to rest or reset or reinvent. This is your life. It's your year, and it's your moment to decide that. I'm not doing everything alone anymore. if you want support, true support, I would love to talk with you. I'd love to have you join me in the Yes Society, but you know that every week I offer you a chance to just get on the phone or Zoom and chat. we'll get us pointed in the right direction, unpack some of that, get some clarity. Let's make this next year one where you feel as held as you've always tried to make everyone else feel'cause You deserve that. Your brain needs it and your story is still unfolding, and it's time for a year That reflects who you are becoming. that honors that process to default to your extraordinary self?