Release What Is in the Past: The Neuroscience of Letting Go & Beginning Again

Release What Is in the Past: The Neuroscience of Letting Go & Beginning Again

What if the reason you struggle to let go of the past isn’t weakness—but wiring?

As we step into a new year, many of us feel pressure to “move on,” set goals, and be positive—while still carrying emotional residue from what’s behind us. Old hurts. Lingering resentment. Stories that replay long after the moment has passed.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why the brain resists letting go—even of things that no longer serve us
• The neuroscience and psychology behind emotional attachment to the past
• Why release can feel like loss, grief, or identity threat
• How to integrate lessons without dragging the wound forward
• The meaning of Jubilee and why release is meant to be practiced, not rushed
• How a personal manifesto can help you begin the year with clarity, coherence, and calm

This episode is an invitation to release what belongs to the past, keep the wisdom, and step forward intentionally—mind, body, and spirit.

Transcript

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Welcome to another extraordinary Week. This is the last podcast episode that I will publish in 2025. I am excited for a new year. Now, as we stand at the edge of a new year, there's a question quietly waiting for all of us. What are you still carrying that belongs to the past, not just. Habits that, and not just goals that go unmet, but stories hurts, disappointments, maybe some grudges versions of yourself that. We're necessary once, but no longer are required. Today we're talking about release and why it's so hard, why it can feel like a loss to let go of some things that we don't even want anymore, and then we'll talk about how to do it in a way that actually strengthens us, rather than just erases the story. Okay, so here we go. Why letting go is so hard. I'm gonna take this for what it is and how I experience it, and introduce some neuroscience and psychology to it so that we can really get a handle on. Why is we struggle with this? So letting go sounds so simple. if you're like me and you're listening to inspirational speakers or reading books, maybe you're watching some of the year end shows that have people on there talking about letting go and starting fresh letting go. Sounds so simple, but your brain doesn't experience it that way. And so you might be thinking by the end of this yeah, that's really easy for you to say. what is important to remember here is that from a neuroscience perspective, the brain is a prediction machine. It's constantly scanning for what is familiar. What is known and what has kept you safe before. So even painful experiences become that known terrain, and that's why we can hold onto old resentments and outdated identities, protective patterns and stories about what happened and what it meant. Not because they serve us, but because they are predictable and the brain values predictability over happiness. this is why. We talk about training our brains to cooperate with us because sometimes it's not very, it's not serving us very well if we don't intentionally harness that power for our good. Now, letting go feels like a loss because neurologically speaking, it is a loss. It's a loss of certainty. It's a loss of narrative. It's a loss of identity. An identity continuity. There's also a psychological layer here that when we release a hurt, it can feel like, what if it didn't matter? What if I'm saying it was okay? What if I lose the part of me that survived? all of those things are reasonable. They just don't maybe serve us very well. We can't control what other people do and how other people respond, And so we hold on. Not because we want the pain, but because we don't want to lose the meaning. Now, why? Hold on to things that don't serve us. And here's something important to remember. We don't really clinging to pain because we like suffering. We clinging to pain because it once protected us. And this is something to remember about other people too. Other people that don't seem to wanna get better, don't seem to wanna let go or move on, they're clinging to the pain because it once protected them. there's a protection mode going on here. Now. Grudges can feel like boundaries. You can remember and hold that grudge so that person can't hurt you anymore. Now bitterness can feel like clarity. Now I know the reality. Now I know the world is in a safe place. Now I know that they don't have my back. Whatever it is that you're telling yourself, bitterness can feel like clarity. Old stories can feel like identity. This is just the way it's always been for me, and it keeps you from hoping and protects you again. Your brain is protecting you. Your nervous system has learned something, and your brain has encoded some of the lessons. This is what makes up the soundtrack that plays in the back of your mind on a loop. sometimes you're not even controlling it or recognizing that it's there. The work is not really to erase those lessons, but to integrate them. And we've talked about this before as far as how good are we at integrating wins. We work really hard to accomplish something and we get it, and we have a tendency just to move the goal line or. Seek the new next best thing without integrating what we've accomplished into our identity and celebrating that so that it can become just part of us and part of that confidence and courage and that curiosity, the clarity that we move forward with. Alright, so just as we need to integrate wins, we also need to integrate some of those hard lessons, and those painful experiences. Now, last year was a jubilee year, and that was a year of release and integration. And whether you knew about the the jubilee year or not it's mostly a Catholic observation In fact, we got to go travel to Italy during this year of Jubilee where the, and the experiences is that the Pope opens doors that you can walk through only during the year of Jubilee, and we got to walk through some of those doors and see the pilgrimage from all over the world, going to Rome to walk through these doors. let me give you a little background. In the biblical tradition, Jubilee was not about forgetting the past. It was about resetting what had accumulated. Debts were forgiven, land was returned, and people were released from whatever bound them. It sounds pretty good, doesn't it? I like the part where debts are forgiven. Wouldn't that be nice if we had that built into our culture that every so often, every decade or so, all debts were wiped out and you got to start over. Jubilee, acknowledge something profound. You can honor the past without being owned by it. A full year was given, not to rush release, but to practice it so here's an honest reflection, whether you intentionally observed Jubilee or not, I'm pretty sure that you've heard the sentiments of releasing and you've. You have attempted to let go of something or to release or to get better or to walk away from something to set something down that you no longer wanted to carry. So how did you do? What did you loosen your grip on? What did you integrate? What are you still carrying? Perhaps not because you need to, but because you haven't yet decided who you're becoming next. Now let's talk a little bit about how we actually let go without bypassing or minimizing Because real release happens in stages. It's not something that you just decide, I'm gonna let this go, and you walk away from it. It sounds like a nice thing to say, and in the moment when you decide that you need to release this, it makes sense enough that your brain goes, yeah, why would I carry this? Why would I just not let go of it? But I think we all know that as we walk away, we have a tendency to pick up the pieces again. The story starts to play again in the back of your mind, the experience, maybe the pain of it, the soundtrack starts to play and maybe it starts to autoplay in the back of your mind. And there you are again with it So we have to be intentional. And acknowledge that it happens in stages. Now, first of all, acknowledging the experience, not the story on repeat, but the truth of what happened and how it shaped you. It's so important to tell the truth to. Facts, maybe even just deal in facts what actually happened that you could tell anyone and it would be undisputed. If anyone saw it from the outside, this is what they would've seen. It's truth, it's tangible. What happened and how it shaped you. Now, sometimes it's a little tricky to experience or to really be able to record this because our memories will trick us a little bit with what was said, what was not said. Because sometimes in our memory we hear the story we're telling ourselves about what said, what was said or what it meant instead of what was actually said. And so sometimes somebody can say something that, that wounds us or hurts us. It's hard to remember that. So then the truth of what happened and acknowledging the experience, not judging, just noticing it happened and this is how it has shaped me. Then you can move on to number two, which is extract the lesson. Ask what did this teach me about myself, my values, my boundaries, my capacity. It's really important here to really focus on myself. Not what you learned about that person, not what you learned about their values or their boundaries or their capacity, because then you're making judgements on maybe things that you don't really know or don't have all the information on. And it's also very not very helpful that unless somebody tells you what they're valuing, you can't know. You're just guessing. So what did this teach me about myself, my values, my boundaries, my capacity? So maybe it taught you about your value for fairness or for integrity or for open communication or for kindness. What did you that teach you about yourself? That's, this is where the real magic happens because we can take all of these things that happen and as we release them and integrate them, we get better. We become more of who we really want to be. the third step is to separate the lesson from the wound. You can keep the wisdom without reopening the injury. This is tricky because our feelings are at play, but every feeling is triggered by a thought. So we can always go back to the thought And we can loop back on this, we can go back to acknowledging the experience, extracting the lesson, and then keeping the wisdom without reopening the injury. We can move around in truth and of what happened in our past. Maybe it was an illness, an accident a word, an unkind word, spoken. Maybe you have relationship patterns that continue to that you continue to carry around as hurt and I. Maybe shaping your identity. You can keep the wisdom without reopening that injury. And that would just be maybe even in setting an intention on the truth Now, for choose forward alignment. And this is where we get to Let go, not because the past was wrong, but because the future is asking something new of you right and wrong. Good and bad is really a story that we tell ourselves. So there are things that you will tell someone else that happened to you that you think are really wrong, and they won't think it's so wrong. It's a judgment, it's a story, and it's all influenced by how we approach the world and how we train our brain to cooperate with us in the way we want to show up in the world. Now, again, let go, not because the past was wrong, but because the future is asking something new of you. You can move forward with a little less baggage. Now this is how our brain rewires reflection plus meaning. Safety plus choice intention plus repetition. Release is not a moment, It's a practiced posture. It's something that we choose every day, sometimes multiple times, every single day. It. It's when we notice that there's a soundtrack on autoplay and it's influencing our behavior. So because remember that our thoughts cause our feelings and our feelings lead us into behaviors and give us the outcomes that we want. It's just how our brain works So we have to practice. We have to practice noticing for one thing, reflection, and then finding out what we're making this mean, and then choosing the thought that would serve us better, and setting an intention and knowing what kind of outcome that we really want and what it's gonna take to get there and doing that over and over again. And it does get easier. I can honestly do a release meditation or a release ritual in a matter of minutes and be able to reset myself. Now, if it's a real challenging situation, I'll have to do that over and over again until it takes, but I'm able to do it and access it quickly. Just outta practice. Now as we begin the new year, I think this is where the per personal manifesto comes into play. Now, I talked about that on the last episode, so if you missed it, go back and listen to the personal manifesto episode. the reason I love the idea of beginning the year with a personal manifesto is that it's not a resolution list and it's not a performance plan. Now I started developing this last year, the personal manifesto,'cause I'd really never, I'd taken pieces of things that I've heard from other people. Maybe quotes and things like that kind of piece together, a personal manifesto. But I'd never sat down and intentionally written my own personal manifesto. It's take, it took me all last year to really work that out. But I think I have a process that I can share quickly. And in doing it, I was able to refine my own personal manifesto and I'm gonna walk forward in 2026 with this manifesto, and without a doubt I'll be tweaking it, probably the words or maybe fight learning some things that. Learn and learning how to make this better. But I have a process that I think I can share with you because I've shared it with a couple clients and it's and I think I can make this a little easier, a personal manifesto is again, not a resolution list. It's not a performance plan. It's a declaration of what you're no longer carrying, what you are choosing to cultivate and how you want to live in your body, mind, and spirit. Now, the manifesto creates that coherence. And coherence creates calmness and clarity and momentum. So it's not forsaking this the goal setting, or maybe you have something you wanna accomplish. Maybe you have a health goal that you wanna see happen this year. The personal manifesto will help you stay calm. Help you keep regulating your nervous system around the idea of a capacity and help you stay clear about why you wanted what you said you want, and help you maintain the momentum and generate the energy and the clarity that is required to really get what you want and become who you want to be. Show up in the world in the way that you really want to. Now if you'd like guidance in creating that, I'm hosting a workshop that walks you through step by step. It's going to be during the day. It's on January 8th at 10:00 AM and I'm gonna do this on Zoom for about 90 minutes, and we're gonna again walk through it step by goal is that you will leave with at least a framework for what your personal manifesto would be. It's not gonna be. It's gonna be more of a workshop so that you actually get some work done, because I know how that is. You listen to a webinar, you spend an hour listening to a webinar on all of the things, and then you say you're gonna do it and you don't. And I know that from experience and so I wanted to do this as a workshop so that we actually get something done. So it's also a sneak peek into the Yes. Society, because this is what we're gonna be doing in the Yes Society living out of this personal manifesto. And this is the first stage, and you'll get to be a part of that and see what that's all about. how we think and how we release, how we move forward with intention rather than pressure, and how we process all of that together to go on this amazing journey together. All right. As you move into this new year, here's the invitation. Release what belongs to the past. Keep the wisdom and carry forward only what serves who you are becoming. It's easier said than done, and it takes some repetition, but I know that you can do it. I believe in you. You are here, and you've made it to the end of this episode, so I know that you have an intention on who you want to become. and if this episode resonated, would you share it with someone who might need it? These conversations really do grow best through trust, we are more likely to take action and stick with it when we are in some kind of community. Now, if you'd like to stay connected, join my newsletter. That's where I share the worksheets. I create the tools I'm learning and those I've mastered reflections and practices and invitations way we, ways we can continue to work. This work together?'cause I'm on the journey with you. I have, I don't have it all figured out. I'm still working through it, but I do have a lot of tools that make it a lot easier. You don't have to do this alone and you don't have to rush. This is a year of intentional becoming, so it doesn't happen January 1st. It's every day When you make the decision to get up and default to yes, your extraordinary self.